AIBU to be gobsmacked that DD2's Headteacher told her to stop pretending to be ill when she has chronic fatigue.

[go8smacked]

DD2 has been suffering from fatigue for nearly 3 years and is under the care of a paediatrician. School know this and that he will be writing to them to discuss how to manage her fatigue.

Today DD2 was very tired, paediatrician has advised that she needs to go to school but we need to moderate her activity, so I send her to school but go in at 11am to check on her. I can see that she is tired as she is self-soothing (she is always tired to some degree) and when she sees me she pleads to come home. Her teacher (also the headteacher) starts to tell her how she has been fine all morning and to stop making me worry ?!?!?!?!? I'm not happy about leaving her but I don't want to undermine her in front of the now assembled crowd of children. I tell my DD2 that I think she should stay for lunch and that I will phone the school after lunch to see how she is. DD2 is not happy but accepts this.

After lunch it takes 30 minutes before anyone even picks up the phone. The secretary goes to check and comes back to say DD2 has not complained again of being unwell. DD1 & DD2 come home. DD2 say's no-one asked her how she felt but that the headteacher spoke to her about how it was important not to pretend to be ill DD1 says that DD2 was tired at lunch and had to sit on a bench.

I cannot believe that the headteacher has basically accused my DD2 of hypochondria - DD2 was laying it on a bit thick when she saw me but I could see that she was tired.

I have had ME for over 20 years and so I am well acquainted with the symptoms and how people just can't 'see' that you are unwell. However the headteacher knows that DD2 has had extensive tests and regular hospital appointments. I also made a point of updating her medical records to show that she is being assessed for chronic fatigue.

I can't believe that the headteacher has taken DD2 aside and told her to stop lying about being ill. I know I need to speak to the headteacher but at the moment all I want to do is remove all my children from this school.

Disability Envy is a new condition which doesn't seem to have been around in my young days. It must be terrible for the sufferer.

I feel very sorry for people who have or whose children have ME/CFS (I know they aren't interchangeable honest) because not only do they have this debilitating condition but people just don't believe it and seem to think they can just "get a grip". On top of everything else it must be dreadful.

I know what it feels like when I'm not well and I can't imagine feeling like that all the time. However do people manage.

Garlicslutty I began to suspect I was autistic while watching my daughter being assessed. She was 16 at the time and had had similar problems all the way through school. She was also have some quite severe behavioural problems. I mentioned it online on a mums website here in Sweden and someone suggested I get her assessed for autism. At first I thought it was madness. I had a fair idea of what autism was, and she wasn't it. This woman pushed me and said that it absolutely is not the same in girls as in boys.

So I started researching asperger's in girls and everything I read was obviously written by someone who had met my daughter. I was astounded.

The more I learnt, the more I realised it also applied to me. Sometimes I thought, well I don't do that. Then months later I find myself doing it. For example, I don't have sensitivities to touch. Never had. Then as I was buying a bottle of suncream it dawned on me that I had just dragged myself round every single chemist in town to find one that was bearable. Or someone taps me on my shoulder to get my attention and it hurts and makes me cry.

Eventually I plucked up the courage to ask for an assessment. The doctor didn't think I had it, neither did the psychologist who does the initial screening, but thankfully they took my concern seriously and I was eventually referred to an adult autism specialist. Lots and lots of tests later, it was confirmed. The specialist told me afterwards that he knew the results beforehand. Apparantly, to someone really in the know, it's blatantly obvious.

I'm not going to get into the whys & wherefores as to your original post & some of your updates, as I know to well with CFS sometimes it is difficult to express yourself clearly, I also know what its like to have a 5 year old with suspected juvenile M.E. - thankfully she's gone on to be a 9 year old that DOESN"T have M>E

What I will suggest (as a suffer of that & more myself) that you don't let your own symptoms & experience as far as being labelled Hypochandriac cloud your judgement with your DD - being exhausted yourself, CAN make you over sensitive & thankfully in the most part things have changed in more recent years, so step back & look at things as an outsider - WITHOUT emotion & try & take a more unbiased view of whats going on with your DD & her Head - DCs DO play act illness - especially at that sort of age - but they can also be ill & not speak up - sometimes others who are not so emotionally attached as you are - & not as emotional due to ver tiredness CAN actually mean well, so cut the HT some slack, she MAY have a point, even if she is not entirely right - IYSWIM -

have you looked into supplements etc for your DD??? - my own DD was on part time School as a result of her health problems - that was until I started giving her Spirulina compressed tablets - cut up for her to swallow - I gave her I think 3 a day & within a week she had her rosey cheeks back & was back in full time School & coping fine within 2 - she does have IBS, so I make a big effort to keep her stomach flora in balance, with viridians childrens flora powders & she eats a chemical free pescetarian diet - we also realised she can't digest lactose so avoid that -- ALL of this has helped improve her health massively - that & my not fussing too much too ;)

some children playact illness, others are actually ill. It's really quite hard for a 5 year old to tell the teacher they are ill, especially if they are not being listened to/ told they are exaggerating. The implications of getting it wrong are quite serious - a child who might need a few hours at home to go back the next day may be ill for several days if they over-exert themselves.

When my doctor tried to tell me my problems were due to depression I refused to listen. I did my own internet research, found I was gluten intolerant and was well for many years. Over-exertion has made me ill again but I'll find a way of managing this too. Being overly subservient to authority figures - whether doctor or headteacher - can be very damaging.

You need to be polite but asssertive with the headteacher. Lie down for a while before you talk to her, it will help you have the energy to deal with her. Do write her a letter explaining the problem of your child possibly being ill for days if she gets overtired, everything you say to schools should have a permanent record so they can't deny they were told.