sending a joint birthday card to twins is rude and tight

[MamaChocoholic]

they're only 1, so they won't know, but still. I'm angry for them. or does anyone think this is ok?

I'm one of 4 siblings, we all have birthdays in the same week and we all are females. When we were young people often gave us a single present to the 4 of us on occassions, we just assumed that buying 4 presents in a single week, for a single party (we often had a huge birthday party for the 4 of us), was probably not affordable to the giver and we were fine with that.

Have you thought about that? It may be that this person looks like she has a lot of money, but I'm sure there would be plenty of times were sharing a present it is not about thigtness or protecting the separate identity of each of the siblings. It is about what the people choose to spend, and how much they want to is absolutely their choice. Gifts/cards are not compulsory.

YABU. I have twins, 9 now, and they STILL couldn't care less. It's all about the presents. Can't get them to share a cake though
My Dsis is v hard up but still posts two cards with two stamps. Her choice and I don't say anything but there's no need.

I am with the OP on this one. If people are going to send a card at all I think it is a bit off to send a joint one. My DSis has triplets and has always made a huge effort to make sure they are seen as individuals not just "the triplets" We have never sent joint cards or joint presents it would be too, too mean IMO

pocket, yes, you've got it.

interesting to see there are some twins and twin mums on here saying a shared card can be ok. perhaps I'm partially over reacting because I'm sick of how many people see them as a pair when we're out and the comments that go with that, but they are individuals too.

Some people are just generally more laidback than others mama.

MMSAI no cards are not compulsory. as the card is from ds1's dad, two homemade cards would have been preferable to one or two bought ones. it's definitely not about the money.

It's not just about them being seen as individuals though, is it? it's about money too. People may not want to waste £6 on two bits of card when one will do. I would worry more about how these people are with you on the whole, not how much money they are willing to waste on cards.

As a complete aside, why do you refer to them as DS1, DT1 and DT2 if you are so keen for them not be defined by being twins?

Wouldn't DS1, DS2 and DS3/DD be better?

yes, you're right pocket. normally I see myself as one of the laidback type too. sigh. I'll be over it before the day is out.

but then dp will be home and it will start all over again

I do a mixture pocket. dtX when I think (one here) it puts my post in context if I communicate they are twins. eg on sleeping threads when what you can do with one baby doesn't always work for two at the same time. dd1, ds2 when it's irrelevant. they are twins. I don't attempt to hide that, but I don't want them to have to share things that non-twin siblings don't.

Don't see the need for cards at all for a 1 year old!

I agree when they're older it might be nice for them to get separate cards, as they're separate people, but even then it shouldn't be a big deal - surely it's nice of the sender to remember their birthday and bother to send something, and a bit petty to complain about it?

You don't have to spend £6 on a couple of cards, pinkpanettone. You can get cards from Poundland, they even do 2 or 4 cards for a pound, or from supermarkets, or discount card shops.

Ephiny I (think I) would have been fine with no cards. it's the shared card that's got to me. it's been interesting to read the spectrum of opinion here though, so even though I may not be being unreasonable feeling as I do, I understand the sender was not being unreasonable to send a shared card.

YADNBU! Why would anyone send one card to share between two people?? My DTs are nearly 11 and luckily those kind of people have been very few and far between, I'd rather no card than one between two...
And the Xmas / birthday present one too, my cousins birthday is just after Xmas and she used to get joint presents, not very fair when the same relatives would send Xmas presents for all.. If you can only afford one present spend less to buy two,
My DTs would rather have their own present than one jointly...

But you put in the title of the thread that they were twins.

And still went on to define them as DT1 and DT2.

So maybe you just sometimes do it unconsciously, without thinking? And that's even after you've resolved not to treat them as 'the twins'.

So maybe other people might do the same sometimes, because they're human and don't necessarily always get things as 'right' as we'd like them to? Unless you have any particular history of passive aggressive niggles from this guy then I wouldn't waste a second more thinking about it.

I think people will naturally see them more as separate individuals when they're older, and it becomes more obvious to other people that they have different personalities etc.

Can understand how they might be seen as a 'pair' as babies or young toddlers. I'm sure they are very different even now, and it's clear to you that they are, but people less closely involved may not see that at the moment.

I know my friend is always very particular that her DCs are never referred to as the twins and are given separate birthday cakes etc. So I would send 2 cards and 2 presents unless it was a big box of Lego or an expensive board game that they'd obviously need the other to play.
My birthdays relatively near christm

Ignore half sentence at end stupid touch screens

pocket it got complicated enough when I mentioned ds1's dad and my dp. had I referred to ds1, dd and ds2, how would you even have known which two of them were the twins mentioned in the headline?!

YABU

As soon as they start school, they'll be split up into separate classes and will have separate friends.

So they don't have that many years to share cards.

Apart from that I can't imagine why anyone would send a baby a card anyway.

YANBU. Ok, they won't know at 1 year old, but it kind of sets a precedent that it's ok to lump them together just because they happen to be born on the same day. If you had children who were say 1 and 3, born on the same day two years apart, would they receive a joint card? I think it's unlikely.

By the way I am another twin, who suffered terribly from finding it hard to forge my own identity. Anything which contributed to it (joint cards/presents, dressing alike, alliterative/rhyming names) is a total no-no to me.

My sister's birthday is the day before mine (I'm three year older), and we were occasionally given joint cards/presents growing up. It really used to wind me up, as only one of us could really open joint things, and, my sister being far more forward and pushy than me, was always the one to do it. DS arrived on my sister's birthday this year, so will have to wait and see if we get any joint 'Pink and Babypink' birthday cards next year!

IS there a deeper issue with this man? Because plenty of people in my family didn't bother sending first birthday cards to my DD2 at all. And it didn't make me get cross and start calling them rude and tight. So I'm wondering if there's more to it?

I'm a mum of 2 sets of twins......and i am not sure about the card thing. I don't think a lot of people get the 'twin' thing.....they have never had to and they won't see a problem with twins sharing things until you highlight it, perhaps there should be a twin website 'Twins-the do's and dont's' .

When mine are invitied to parties i send 1 card from the both of them and buy gifts to the value of 2 childrens presents (does that make sense). They sometimes recieve invites addressed to both and sometimes seperate for the same party.

Older twins are 10 now and haven't once complained about any sort of twin sharing thing. They just love being twins...they take it in turns on winding me up so that is seems like a constant thing haha

Ahh the joys of multiples