sending a joint birthday card to twins is rude and tight

[MamaChocoholic]

they're only 1, so they won't know, but still. I'm angry for them. or does anyone think this is ok?

. at least you're consistent, Kladdkaka

I have dts who were born on Xmas Eve and some people give them one present to share which is for both Xmas AND birthday. Totally unfair. Yes they don't realise now but it will be an issue later. Afterall they are two separate human beings not a single unit. They also have names and are not referred to as 'the twins'. Rant over

I have twins who are almost 7 and they hate getting cards between them. They say that if they were a "normal" brother and sister with different birthdays they wouldn't have to share. Which is true.

Their uncle does it each year, but then he's a notorious tight-wad anyway.

I agree with the general consensus about cards being a waste of money.

Consistent is one way of describing me MamaChocoholic. My mother on the other hand describes me as evil and sends everyone cards on my behalf. :o

They are two individuals and should be treated as such. A card for each and a gift for each. YANBU x

twinsufficient that is awful . I used to have joint xmas/birthday gifts, which was bad enough, but to have to share that single gift would have been horrible.

I think sending cards to children who can't read is stupid. But that's just my humble opinion. I comply with the tradition and send them anyway but all the time I think I would rater spend that money in getting a better present.

(awaits to be flamed)

I have a friend who doesn't "do" cards Kladdkaka. Luckily her mother doesn't know my address!

MMSAI a friend has sent them a gift (each) with no card, just a "happy birthday dtX" written on the wrapping and I think that's just fine. it's the sharing that bothers me. I was trying to accept IABU, but it seems there is a minority out there who agrees with me, which is, I'm afraid, encouraging my unreasonableness.

disclaimer: I do realise this is completely trivial in the grand scheme of everything. I will let go of it and move on eventually.

DD has friends who are twins. I noticed she always gets separate cards from them on her birthday which I thought was taking it a bit far as I am sure if non-twin siblings were invited to the same party they would think nothing of sending a joint card.

DD does give separate cards to the twins . I noticed once that you can get birthday cards "to twins on their birthday" which is quite naff. Some years we have bought them separate presents and sometimes a larger (joint) one to share (eg a game they can play together) on the basis that I would sometimes buy my (non-twin) nephews joint presents. That is what I usually do re twins - ask myself if I would do the same if they were not twins. If I would then I conclude that i can do the same for twins without it being a case of not treating them as individuals.

Out of interest, did you expect 2 cards from everyone when they were born?

He's not your ex, so he's your current partner and so is your female DP?

Not to poke around in your personal life or anything but it kind of makes a difference to me if it's the father of the twins. I think anyone else it's fine from but would expect a parent to diffrerentiat.

I send twins a joint card tbh. They're not going to be kept; the twins don't care; they get separate pressies (at least since they've been old enough to be into different things). Cards are a waste of money and resources.

My niece and nephew are 8 years old. My sister is fine about it and they are fine about it. It's the money inside that matters to them more!

I think YANBU actually and I would have a been a bit and would probably have a quiet light-hearted word if it was someone I knew well who had sent one card.

I have twins who are 8 and very few people give them one card. My boys would hate sharing a card although a shared present like a game or puzzle would be fine. Home made cards are more than fine BTW.

I had to tell my MIL about 5 times to stop buying 2 sets of identical clothes for presents, total waste of money as I NEVER dressed them the same.

YANBU - I hate joint anything for my DTSs - but worse is the teacher who calls them 'double trouble'

Er, no, pocketfullof posies, he's presumably a co-parent not partner. Her partner is her DP. (Apologies if I've misread this, OP!)

pocketful no, dp and I are both female, and parents to ds1, dt1, dt2. ds1's dad is male and a dad to ds1 only, but an "uncle" (actually no blood relation) to dts.

MamaChocoholic Fri 30-Sep-11 12:47:46
pocket he's not an ex.

Reads to me that he's therefore a current partner. Does it not to you?

Ah, I see, he provided the sperm for DS1. But not for the twins?

I can't see the problem with him sending one card.

I am a terrible hoarder of cards, I still have my own childhood birthdays cards in a box somewhere. I keep my dd's birthday cards too.

It isn't just about the cards though, it's about them being seen as individuals. If you had two siblings of different ages, who happened to have birthdays within a day or two of each other, I can't imagine that anyone would send them a shared card.

Cards send when they're born are different, as they are sent to the parents, not to the children themselves.

Wine no, I didn't expect any separate cards when they were born. though one friend did actually send three cards - one for each baby and one for ds1.

I can't see a problem with 1 card at this age.

BTW the comment about people referring to "the twins". Although I understand that people can hate this term, it is sometimes used when peopel can't remember the name of the DC. In the same way someone might ask how my family are getting on or how my boys are.

If the card is from the parent then yes, its rude and tight!

I'd personally send one each, but not on the first birthday... I used to keep every single card my two boys ever received, but actually, apart from a few special ones its a complete waste of space and utterly meaningless in years to come.

Make sure YOU put one birthday card per year in each of their boxes and all will be well with the world.

I think the split is based on people's knowledge / experience of twins. Yes, they are 1, no they can't read, yes cards are a gimmick but no, YANBU.

I am a twin (have a twin sister) and I also have twins (now aged 6). I think when you are a twin, or have twins, you go out of your way to make sure you / they are seen as individuals. Yes they are part of this special pairing but they're still X and Y.

I always buy 2 separate cards and 2 separate presents for the party boy / girl if they are both invited to a party and would like them to be bought separate cards / gifts in return. If any other child had a birthday close to a sibling, you wouldn't expect them to receive a shared card and present.