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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of with school about this?

102 replies

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 16:59

DD came home last week saying that they were going be learning brass instruments. I said that as much as I would like her to learn an instrument, I didnt brass would be a good idea as we have problem neighbours (they have been reported and warned about harrassment, they have also made false allegations about us to the police and been warned then too). I dont want to give them any ammunition at all. And that is quite apart from the fact that we have a young baby in the house who went ballistic with fear when DD blew the damn thing. Because today she comes home with a trombone!!!

She also had a letter stating that every child is to learn brass, that they must practice for atleast 20 minutes three times a week, and that if the instrument is damaged we must pay £60. My initial reaction was to be angry with DD for bringing it until it transpired that she had no choice. She said that she told her teacher that she couldnt do brass and the teacher basically said tough, everyone is doing it. I checked with another DDs mum, and she said that her DD said the same and she is pissed off too. I have to sign the letter to say that she can bring the instrument home, except I havent signed it because she brought it home with the damned trombone.

AIBU to be pissed off with the massive assumptions the school are making? They are insisting that she bring home an expensive item, and that I pay for any damage to it despite us not wanting it! They are also insisting on practice that simply isnt feasible and are not allowing an "opt-out". DD doesnt even want to learn the trombone or any brass at all, she said that she would have liked to learn flute but they werent allowed to choose, they were told what instrument they were getting, and that was that. Not sure that a flute would have been much better, with out neighbour issues but atleast it is easier to carry :o

OP posts:
androbbob · 29/09/2011 22:39

we too had the pleasure of a baratone last year (think suitcase size) and while i appreciate the wider opportunities programme, the brass instruments are too noisy for home practice in my opinion! Ours spent most of its weeks in her room with a weekly trip to school for the lesson, but rarely was practiced at home. We also have violin lessons for the last two years but she has now moved onto the flute which is a quieter and more acceptable sound. We have to pay £50 a year for lessons which is subsidised

Original poster
Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 22:44

She might be able to practise at school but DD is convinced she wont be allowed to, we shall see. The letter certainly didnt mention it as an option, it was written in such a way as to say "this is the instrument, you will keep it at home whether you like or not, your child must practise at home and if you break it then we will charge you £60 towards a replacement." Paraphrasing but that was the basic message.

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 29/09/2011 22:48

They won't want 30 kids practicing at school, but surely they could accommodate given circs...new baby etc.

pigletmania · 29/09/2011 22:52

Take it back, and tell the teacher that she cannot practice it at home. Its really off to force a child to take up a particular instrument, what if they don't want to learn a brass instrument Hmm. Thought the point is to encourage children into music, and that means allowing them to choose what instrument they would like to play, that way they will be more likely to practise and keep it up. Ask your daughter if she would like to play brass or any other instrument and mabey if she really is interested have music lessons for her

AnyFuleKno · 29/09/2011 23:00

This is a brilliant opportunity, you should do what you can to give your dd the chance to do this.

If she had music lessons outside of school they cost a fortune, as does the instrument and she would have to practice at home too, pigletmania.

notlettingthefearshow · 29/09/2011 23:05

I'd give it a go and see if she likes it. You can't force her, but it's a good opportunity to develop musical skills. Surely you can return the instrument later if it doesn't work out, or exchange it for another one?

pigletmania · 29/09/2011 23:05

I know that AnyFul but surely forcing a child to do a particular instrument is a bit Hmm. Surely they should have a selection of instruments that a child can choose instead of one particular one.

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 23:09

In an ideal world piglet but how on earth can a class teacher teach a class full of kids with all different instruments?

The idea (here anyway) is that the whole class learn together.

As for being 'forced'...well they're 'forced' to read, write, add up, do PE and everything else in school.

This way, they are given an opportunity they may never have had if it were left to parental choice.

cat64 · 29/09/2011 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannabesybil · 29/09/2011 23:18

I can't believe the position you have been put in, OP.

Also, DS has just started Reception. Working out the school 'asks' - not dinner money or milk money or uniform but Harvest Festival, Christmas cards, Fun Run and no uniform day in his first half term of school comes already to @£50. I was bracing against the list of school trips, kit for projects, more non uniform days etc, but to add paying for compulsory music lessons lurking in the future makes me shudder!

(btw, already looking at piano lessons (strictly age appropriate) anyway for other reasons, but really - compulsory random instrument lessons with no negotiation -shudder)

Original poster
Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 23:46

I will say again....I AM HAPPY FOR HER TO LEARN AN INSTRUMENT!

I would prefer her to have a choice of what she plays, however since the program has been explained to me I understand why that isnt possible, so ok on that one. That doesnt however excuse being expected to provide time and space to practise in (which really is impossible for us at the moment) and to pay for anything happening to an expensive piece of equipment that we never wanted in the house in the first place!

My OP was about me being angry at the assumptions the school have made about what they expect from parents. They clearly havent given much thought to home circs, financial situations and the preferences of the child and the family. I wouldnt have been so pissed off if the letter had said "If you have any problems with this then please contact your class teacher to discuss it" but it didnt. They just assumed it would be ok, and that isnt on as far as I am concerned.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 29/09/2011 23:48

I must admit, we were given a letter well in advance...saying our kids would be bringing violins home within the next 2 weeks.

whackamole · 30/09/2011 02:12

Not really in context - but when did recorders fall out of fashion for children to learn an instrument?

alistron1 · 30/09/2011 05:47

Great, you want her to learn a different instrument then pay for it.

How dare the school provide free musical tuition as part of the curriculum.

YABU. My son is learning trumpet at school this year and I have to pay 90 quid a term for the privilege.

GalaxyWeaver · 30/09/2011 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5Foot5 · 30/09/2011 13:06

"androbbon* "the brass instruments are too noisy for home practice in my opinion! ...she has now moved onto the flute which is a quieter and more acceptable sound."

A POV which makes me despair!!

Nothing against the flute at all. But it makes me a bit sad that someone would rule out whole sections of the band or orchestra based simply on what they perceive as too noisy.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 30/09/2011 13:27

My DD was given a recorder when she started Y4 in Switzerland. I sent it back the next day with a polite note that I she didn't want to learn it.
It came back, the bloody instrument ended up like the okey cokey. I wouldn't and couldn't let her practice in our flat due to the cunt upstairs.
In the end, she left it at school. Strangely enough she did well enough in just the half hour weekly lesson to be chosen to do a solo.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 30/09/2011 15:42

Spoke to the teacher this afternoon and she said that they would try and sort something out although the headteacher is insisting that all the instruments and practise take place at home. The teacher understood but it doesnt surprise me that the HT is behind it because she has in the past shown an amazing lack of understanding towards the families of her pupils. She seems to struggle to understand financial difficulties in particular Hmm She isnt popular with either the kids or the parents!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 30/09/2011 15:48

But it makes me a bit sad that someone would rule out whole sections of the band or orchestra based simply on what they perceive as too noisy.

Why shouldnt that happen? If you live in a small terrace or if have family members who work nights then that will affect your choice. In the same way that not having room for the instrument will mean that piano lessons are not a good choice. Choosing an instrument because it fits in with your life, home and travel arrangments means that you will stick with it alot long than something that doesnt fit in at all. I gave up cello after one year because I was sick to death of carting the damn thing around, it was huge.

OP posts:
Llanbobl · 30/09/2011 16:36

YAB(a bit)U - it sounds like you don't like the idea as it has been foistred upon you and the issue with the neighbours is a good way of saying no.

My DS played the viola and then in Yr7 was asked to play brass - the instrument that suited him best ws the trombone - it was fab and practising was fine - 10 minutes a day - the neighbours never complained as apractice was always as at a reasonable time (always in the afternoons after 4 but before 7pm). Honestly it's not that loud, give ita go

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 30/09/2011 16:37

I agree with you about house size and disturbance Bogey.
I am not sure how easy it will be for your DD to be able to practice at school. IME, they need supervision at all times.

ZeldaUpNorth · 30/09/2011 16:39

My dd(7) was given a cornet to practise a few weeks ago. TBH its not that loud and it's only for 10 mins a day. If she practises in a room away from the baby i'm sure it would not disturb it.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 30/09/2011 17:23

Does no one read OPs properly?!

I have not said no. I have said that I object to it being forced upon us with no choice, with a financial commitment that again we have no choice about and the school assuming that practise can be done easily.

If she can practise at school then I have no objection to her learning anything!

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 30/09/2011 17:50

I agree with you Bogeyface. I would have no objection to my daughter learning if she were allowed to practise at school and keep the instrument there. Bringing it home for storage and/or practise would have resulted in bloodshed.

LaWeasel · 30/09/2011 18:18

HT sounds like a PITA - poor you OP.

I hope your troubles with your neighbour are sorted soon and some arrangement can be made so your DD can practice at school.