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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of with school about this?

102 replies

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 16:59

DD came home last week saying that they were going be learning brass instruments. I said that as much as I would like her to learn an instrument, I didnt brass would be a good idea as we have problem neighbours (they have been reported and warned about harrassment, they have also made false allegations about us to the police and been warned then too). I dont want to give them any ammunition at all. And that is quite apart from the fact that we have a young baby in the house who went ballistic with fear when DD blew the damn thing. Because today she comes home with a trombone!!!

She also had a letter stating that every child is to learn brass, that they must practice for atleast 20 minutes three times a week, and that if the instrument is damaged we must pay £60. My initial reaction was to be angry with DD for bringing it until it transpired that she had no choice. She said that she told her teacher that she couldnt do brass and the teacher basically said tough, everyone is doing it. I checked with another DDs mum, and she said that her DD said the same and she is pissed off too. I have to sign the letter to say that she can bring the instrument home, except I havent signed it because she brought it home with the damned trombone.

AIBU to be pissed off with the massive assumptions the school are making? They are insisting that she bring home an expensive item, and that I pay for any damage to it despite us not wanting it! They are also insisting on practice that simply isnt feasible and are not allowing an "opt-out". DD doesnt even want to learn the trombone or any brass at all, she said that she would have liked to learn flute but they werent allowed to choose, they were told what instrument they were getting, and that was that. Not sure that a flute would have been much better, with out neighbour issues but atleast it is easier to carry :o

OP posts:
worraliberty · 29/09/2011 18:04

Well it's not the school's fault if you are going to allow your neighbours to dictate to you and your child though to be fair.

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 18:05

And it's not a 'loud' instrument...it's only as loud as she makes it.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 18:05

Its not my fault that the school has decided to dictate to me!

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 29/09/2011 18:07

Ask the school if she can keep her instrument at school and practice a couple of lunchtimes. They are trying to do something good here dont forget. My dd did the same in Y5 and is still playing in Y8 (we pay for the lessons now she is a secondary school ) I doubt she would have started playing without the whole year group doing it together. its been great for a her self esteem and a good challenge for her.

vess · 29/09/2011 18:13

I think it's great that the school is doing it and all the kids get free tuition. I wouldn't complain, just ask if it is at all possible for the kids to do their practice at school - say half an hour at lunchtime or after school, it's not that hard to organise.
It would be a shame to miss an opportunity like that.

Orchidskeepdying · 29/09/2011 18:42

I think you are BU, what a fantastic opprtunity for you DD!

thehat · 29/09/2011 18:50

It sounds like the Wider Opps scheme the government are funding for year 4 students. The whole class gets a weekly lesson (all together!) by one teacher on a particular family of instruments. Brass, strings ukelele and djembe seem the most popular.

moonstorm · 29/09/2011 18:54

Get the school to pay for a practice (practise?) mute.

I would hate ds to be given a brass instrument. They should at least do the decent thing and give him a string instrument...

Pekkala · 29/09/2011 19:03

All our KS2 children get free brass lessons. They do not have to take their instruments home if they don't want to though - which seems a sensible approach. They all sounded fantastic at the end of term concert last year.
It's a shame that words like 'force' and 'dictate' are being used for something that should be a positive experience.

If your child doesn't want to do brass long term, they will still have gained valuable experience and skills (reading music, rhythm, playing as an ensemble) which will be transferable if you then decide you want to pay for them to learn their instrument of choice privately.

breatheslowly · 29/09/2011 19:09

If you say that she should practice at school if she wishes to and you are not willing to have it at home then you cover the issue of the neighbours and the £60 for breakages. Is there any instrument you would accept? Perhaps a keyboard with headphones?

Mia4 · 29/09/2011 19:20

YANBU to worry due to your neighbours but it's good to force kids to try out these things. I wish to damn i'd been when i was young.

As for the teacher saying 'tough' well i expect she didn't hear all the truth of the matter (which only you can say to her, not your daughter) and has heard many an excuse as to why someone can't play an instrument, do their homework, practise reading etc. But the school should compromise with you and maybe let your daughter use a music room after school for 20 to practice in or something.

minimisschief · 29/09/2011 19:23

Apart from the obvous telling the schoo lwhere to stick it.

if your daughter would like to play the instrument but is only put off by your problem neighbours you could take her in the garden( if you have one) or to a public field or something.

might be fun. just as an option

Vallhala · 29/09/2011 19:23

YANBU. It's not for the school to tell you what to do like this.

But, seeing that they are, I suggest that you take the bloody thing back to them tomorrow morning and tell them what they can do with it!

cat64 · 29/09/2011 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

spanieleyes · 29/09/2011 19:26

ALl our year 5's and 6's receive free brass lessons ( free to the children that is, we pay £600 per year) They are encouraged -although not forced!- to take the instrument home to practise on. Some children do and some don't. Those that want to take it home need to ensure the instrument is insured in case it is lost/stolen/broken. Those that don't want to ( or whose parents don't want them to!) just leave it at school. Many continue playing into secondary school-where the lessons will NOT be free!

cat64 · 29/09/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pinkhebe · 29/09/2011 19:27

we have a keyboard at the moment, and ds1 bought back the flute. Just send her with a letter saying that due to the noise it creates she won't be able to practise it at home, I assume she'll be having lessons at school?

TBH the flute never came out of it's bag, because ds was learning the double bass at the time, and as I was paying for those lessons I prefered him to practise that!

Original poster
Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 19:28

I dont have a problem with her learning to play an instrument, I am disappointed about the lack of choice but I agree that learning an instrument is a good thing.

But....its the way it has been done. I dont feel that the school are being entirely fair or understanding about peoples lives. We have the neighbour issue, others will have parents who work shifts and may be asleep at just the time that the child can practice. And £60 hanging over everyone if something happens to an item that they have had no choice but to keep in their house is not on. Accidents happen, thefts happen, sometimes things do just break and some parents, such as me, dont want to take on that responsibility and potential cost! There are quite a few LPs living on benefits at the school and finding £60 in that situation would be almost impossible.

It just doesnt seem to have been thought through properly, and DD is adamant that she wont be allowed to practice in school, but I will broach that myself tomorrow. She may be assuming that the "everyone out at playtime" rule applies across the board, no matter what the circs which I know isnt the case.

OP posts:
bigredtractor · 29/09/2011 19:29

I think the school have a brass neck...

redexpat · 29/09/2011 19:31

Get school to pay for a mute.

CaptainNancy · 29/09/2011 19:35

They do this in our LA, but I think some accommodation is made for children to practice in school if they can't at home.
I think it's a good thing, and they do it as a class to bring the class together and get them working tgether and hopefully seeing that children who haven't shone previously can be good at something.

AuntieMaggie · 29/09/2011 19:37

YABU - fantastic opportunity! They may be rotating the instruments or something so talk to the teacher before getting too pissed off.

Whatever instrument your DD was given isn't going to sound great to start off with.

When I was at school we were all given a go on each instrument and then the teacher judged which we were most naturally suited to rather than what we wanted to play so that may also be part of it.

Once she's learnt to read music and stuff it won't be too hard for her to learn another instrument and once she realises how much work she needs to put in she might be put off anyway so if nothing else she's getting a chance to try it!

If she does keep it up it'll keep her off the streets/out of trouble and give her so many opportunities... I've travelled half the world with my school band back in the day...

sand12 · 29/09/2011 19:46

My son came home last week with a letter his school want £165 for a year for him to play a claranet to be paid every term but if after 2 weeks he decides he doesn't want to play anymore I have to pay for the whole year! he has never played a claranet before!! also I have to pay extra to hire the claranet for thw whole year also!! I'm a lone parent how do they expect me to pay I'm disgusted!!

TimeForMeIsFree · 29/09/2011 19:49

YANBU My daughter and her year group were forced to play brass instruments for a whole school year. Parents didn't mind the music lesson it was carting the damned thing home in all weathers, finding somewhere safe to store it while not being able to practice playing due to close proximity of neighbours. We spoke to the school who were understanding and the kids were allowed to leave their instruments in the music room, using the actual music lesson to practice.

TimeForMeIsFree · 29/09/2011 19:52

sand12 Personally, I wouldn't pay it. That's disgusting and would have me writing to the Head!