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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed of with school about this?

102 replies

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 16:59

DD came home last week saying that they were going be learning brass instruments. I said that as much as I would like her to learn an instrument, I didnt brass would be a good idea as we have problem neighbours (they have been reported and warned about harrassment, they have also made false allegations about us to the police and been warned then too). I dont want to give them any ammunition at all. And that is quite apart from the fact that we have a young baby in the house who went ballistic with fear when DD blew the damn thing. Because today she comes home with a trombone!!!

She also had a letter stating that every child is to learn brass, that they must practice for atleast 20 minutes three times a week, and that if the instrument is damaged we must pay £60. My initial reaction was to be angry with DD for bringing it until it transpired that she had no choice. She said that she told her teacher that she couldnt do brass and the teacher basically said tough, everyone is doing it. I checked with another DDs mum, and she said that her DD said the same and she is pissed off too. I have to sign the letter to say that she can bring the instrument home, except I havent signed it because she brought it home with the damned trombone.

AIBU to be pissed off with the massive assumptions the school are making? They are insisting that she bring home an expensive item, and that I pay for any damage to it despite us not wanting it! They are also insisting on practice that simply isnt feasible and are not allowing an "opt-out". DD doesnt even want to learn the trombone or any brass at all, she said that she would have liked to learn flute but they werent allowed to choose, they were told what instrument they were getting, and that was that. Not sure that a flute would have been much better, with out neighbour issues but atleast it is easier to carry :o

OP posts:

PrincessScrumpy · 29/09/2011 20:00

YANBU

My school gave me a tuba for a term - it was the same size as me but I was the only one who could make a sound with it! My poor parents and family cat really suffered! Put with that I have no timing or musical ability.

chelen · 29/09/2011 20:16

Oh, don't get me started on this one, I'm forever ranting at my OH about this. It comes out of an aspiration that each primary school pupil will have the opportunity to learn an instrument if they want to so there should be no obligation on an individual pupil to bring an instrument home.

For many kids its a great opportunity but for some, who have really busy parents/other interests/enough trouble getting normal homework done/special needs/complicated home lives its just a massive pressure.

20 minutes practice three times a week at only age 9 is a pretty big ask and it falls to parents to cajole kids. I agree that some kids take to it fantastically well and I guess it would be sad if they missed out but an opt in scheme with a voluntary music club would be better than this whole year group approach I think.

BBwannaB · 29/09/2011 20:24

What a fantastic opportunity. I think you should let her have a go - she might turn out to have a talent for it. Music lessons also help enormously with childrens confidence and mathematical ability.

I understand the problem with the neighbours and the insurance so I think you should speak to the school about keeping it at school and ask them if they could arrange a 'practice club' at lunchtime or before/after school for the children who can't practice at home for whatever reason - there must be others in the same boat as you.
Both of my DC had a chance to play brass at junior school, one did not like it the other went on to grade 8 (which helps with university UCAS points) and continues to play in a band as an adult.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 20:28

Can I jusr re-iterate. I AM NOT STOPPING HER DOING IT!!!!

I am objecting to the way I have been forced into housing and taking financial responsibility for an expensive instrument, and informed that she must practise despite the fact that it is impossible for her to do that in our home!

OP posts:

5Foot5 · 29/09/2011 20:51

You don't want to be dictated to by the school but you seem to be accepting that you are dictated to by your nutty neghbours, or at the very least letting them influence life style choices. Obviously we don't know all the details, but I think it is grossly unfair that you are saying your child can't do something as reasonable as play a trombone for a few minutes just so as not to upset them. How long are you going to go on putting up with that? It's not as if she will be practising late at night is it?

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 20:52

It isnt just the neighbours, although that is part of it as I am currently dealing with the council officer who is considering serving them with an ASBO. Trombone practise coming through the wall will seriously undermine my credibility in this!

The other issue is the baby, she was absolutely terrified of the noise. She is 17 weeks old and I wont have her frightened because school are insisting on an unworkable situation.

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 29/09/2011 20:56

YANBU.

If they need to teach the whole class they could buy cheaper instruments. 30 guitars would be cheaper than 30 bloody trombones!!

Opt out, with extreme predudice!

rebl · 29/09/2011 21:03

Bogeyface I can only imagine you go to the school my ds goes to. I can't imagine any other school in the country has the same brass thing that his school does. Plus I saw them all lugging their new instruments out of school today. I think I would take said instrument into school tomorrow along with unsigned form and say that your dd will not be learning it. I'll be following in your footsteps in a few years time, believe me. There is NO WAY ON THIS EARTH my ds is learning to play a brass instrument.

rebl · 29/09/2011 21:04

Surely they can practice in school if they can't take the instrument home.

shockers · 29/09/2011 21:09

Bloody schools... imagine giving children whos parents aren't interested the opportunity to learn an instrument... what a cheek!

5Foot5 · 29/09/2011 21:19

rebl "There is NO WAY ON THIS EARTH my ds is learning to play a brass instrument."

Why not? Seriously - why not?

I am not saying he should if he doesn't want to, but if your DS comes home and says "Mummy, can I learn the trombone?" would you really turn round and say "NO WAY!" Poor kid!!

Would you say that if he wanted to play a guitar, or a flute, or a piano, or a saxophone (they are very loud btw), or any other instrument? If so, then you are being very unfair to deny your DS the chance to do such a life-enhancing thing as learn an instrument. And if you would be OK with other instruments but just have a thing about brass - WTF!!!

OK. I will show my hand and admit I play a trombone so may be a teeny bit prejudice here. But really, I think it is fantastic that a school are showing this much commitment.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 21:31

Rebl, that sounds like a distinct possiblility! Our town begins with B and our village begins with W.

Bloody schools... imagine giving children whos parents aren't interested the opportunity to learn an instrument... what a cheek!
Where did I say that I thought it was a cheek or a bad idea? My issue is with the way they have done and the assumptions they have made without any consultation with the parents. I will be discussing the practise/storing issue with the school tomorrow and hopefully there will be a compromise. Otherwise she will take part in the lessons, but will sadly not be able to practise at home and without practise I dont see that she will learn much.

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shockers · 29/09/2011 21:33

We live in a semi, DD plays the trumpet. We asked our neighbours if they had heard her practise the first time she brought it home... neighbour guffawed and admitted that he had spent ten minutes looking for a wasp until he realised that the sound was coming from our house. Wasps aren't loud are they? She practises in her room, upstairs, when she gets home at around 4pm... she's not disturbing anyone.

DS plays the drums, his bedroom is at the other side of the house, downstairs.... the neighbours have never heard him!

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 21:39

I get that shockers, we didnt have an issue with our other side neighbours DS music practise! It was his mum that finally said it was doing her head in and made him do it at school in the end :o

But your neighbours arent looking at an ASBO for threatening behaviour and harrassment are they? Ours are (on the other side) and are looking for every little reason they can to have a go back at us. Anything, anything at all is being reported by them, they even reported me for making a noise whilst I was in labour and they werent even there! It isnt getting them anywhere because their accusations are so ridiculous but the officer might concede that they have a point about trombone practise!

OP posts:

shockers · 29/09/2011 21:47

That must be really stressful. We have a problem with boys in small cars with daft exhausts on a car park nearby, so I know that unreasonable behaviour can really have an impact on your life.

I hope a plague of locusts devour your horrid neighbours

shockers · 29/09/2011 21:48

Or maybe bears... might be quicker...

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 29/09/2011 21:59

Its called Wider Opportunities. Every child in the class learns an instrument for 12 months. The lessons are done as a class and a teacher comes in usually from the music service hence why everyone has to learn the same or at least same family of instruments.

A friend of mine teaches wider ops woodwind. Dd brought homw a violin.

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable f you can;t find a little bitof time for your dd to practice. The scehem gives children who may not otherwise have the chance to learn an instrument.

Its not a perfect scheme by any stretch of the imagination but it is a start.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 22:02

Oooh bears, I like the sound of bears! :o

OP posts:

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 22:04

Little Miss, I could find her the time but not the place!

OP posts:

NorfolkBroad · 29/09/2011 22:07

How weird! I don't blame you for being annoyed. It's one thing to say "great, we're all going to do this as a whole school" and keep the instruments at school and practise within lesson time (I am a teacher myself and we do this some years with recorders or occarinas) but completely different to send home a large, expensive, loud instrument like that when a child hasn't even expressed an interest. I know free instrument tuition is hard to come by etc but even so this is very presumptious. I would make a complaint. I bet you wont be the only one. God, I am sitting here laughing to myself imagining if I tried to pull that one off at my school!

Original poster

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 22:18

Could you suggest it in the staffroom Norfolk? Just to see what the reaction was :o

OP posts:

Ingles2 · 29/09/2011 22:18

our yr 5 and 6 children have brass lessons too... it's run by Kent music here and is free other than having to add the trumpet to your household insurance.
Its a great initiative and I can guarantee it'll end soon due to lack of funding...
Speak to the school and see if she can practice there,schools usually try to accommodate if they can.

NorfolkBroad · 29/09/2011 22:30

OK OP I will do that and report back!!!!!

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 22:32

It's quite common in most London schools Norfolk and has been for years.

AnyFuleKno · 29/09/2011 22:37

Not being funny like, but can't she practice at school in the breaks? 3 times 20 mins isn't that onerous

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