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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 yo son,15 yo girlfriend sleepover !?!?

89 replies

Diveywivey · 28/09/2011 23:37

My son is just turned 16 and has just got his 1st girlfriend. I am really pleased about it and he seems happy. They are spending all their time together and I've had to impose making sure she goes home at a reasonable time, particularly in the week. He's known her for a while but have only been formally 'going out' together for a week. She is 15 and (he says) is 'experienced' (he is not) and they are not on the verge of having sex. He is asking if she can sleepover on Saturday with him on the floor and her taking his bed. I've said 'no' because she is 15 and he is only just 16 and they only just got together. Also I clearly am not ready for the idea of this and need to adjust to my son being a proper adolescent. He's basically a good boy tho' inexperienced and immature. She seems very nice tho' we don't really know her yet. Have not met or spoken to her mum yet but I get the impression that her mum's not too bothered what she gets up to - because "her mum trusts her" I'm told. Am I right to say 'no', when should I review my position and what next ?

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsPussInBoots · 29/09/2011 00:13

When will she be 16?

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:14

You are getting reasoned arguments from us, OP

it is you that is using using flawed ones

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:15

using

WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 00:16

Genuinely sorry for the MN female presumption. But I think 'no' is not only a complete sentence, but also a reasoned argument. if you don't want him to have sex, quite literally all you can do is not sanction sleepovers. He may well still have sex - which would be a 50/50 decision between him and his Gf - but you have neither condoned it or set up the perfect conditions for it to happen.

OTOH if you do want him to have sex, have her sleepover.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:17

it's of no consequence to me if OP is female, male or somewhere imbetween Smile

I don't like the assumptions being made about this girl, full stop

squeakytoy · 29/09/2011 00:18

I think that you also need to bear in mind, many 15yo girls may say or try to appear much more experienced than they actually are. I would say that it is unusual for girls who genuinely are more experienced to date boys who have less experience than them particularly at this age.

WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 00:18

But what about all that 16 yo wordly wisdom AF?

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:19

sorry, not with you, WF

squeakytoy · 29/09/2011 00:21

If your son is as naive and innocent as you say, I would most certainly be ensuring he has got a supply of condoms, sleepover or no sleepover.

Original poster
Diveywivey · 29/09/2011 00:22

Well ... a bit of a mixed bag frankly tho' at least everyone basically agrees with my decision. I'm not sure how much this has helped as there has been a certain amount of unnecessary unpleasantness in some of the responses. "Thanks very much" to all the sympathetic comments. And "up yours" to all those who've chosen to have a bit of a go at me. :o

OP posts:
worraliberty · 29/09/2011 00:26

???? Fucking hell, sensitive soul aren't you?

Where has anyone been 'unpleasant'?

Really though you do need to take off the rose coloured specs where your son is concerned and perhaps stop looking at this young lady as some sort of bad influence when you don't even know her or her family.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:27

can't take a bit of straight talking divey ?

oh dear

btw, you think this is "a bit of a go" ?

are you new to Mn? < whistles innocently >

WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 00:27

AF I am agreeing with you albeit in a slightly passive-aggressive-ironic Wine way. I dont like the assumptions that have been made about the girl (or her mother) either, and the OP used the expression worldly wise which actually fecked me off mightily because it's a clear value judgement about a young woman's sexuality.

LeBOF · 29/09/2011 00:28

Do you not see a little unpleasantness in your implied judgement of this girl and her mother? I think that is what people have reacted to.

squeakytoy · 29/09/2011 00:28

"a bit of a go"

Grin

dearie me...

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:29

ah, I get it, WF

sorry, it's been a long day

it wasn't an aggressive "not with you" btw, it was a genuine tired wha ?

Original poster
Diveywivey · 29/09/2011 00:33

Are you quite mad ? Clearly you know my son better than I do and enjoy making up your own ideas about what I think of his girlfriend. I shall give up on this now, please feel free to carry on with it if it helps you in some way.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 00:34

No worries AF I should have put quotes on. Sometimes I am so busy nodding along with someone that I forget they can't see me in the inter web.

Oooh I'm going to send you some flowers.

Thanks
AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:36

ah, Thanks

much appreciated, not weird at all

weird would be the OP, who makes derogatory hints about the son's gf and then backtracks when pulled on it

AnyFucker · 29/09/2011 00:38

I wonder if this will turn into a john39 thread

WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 00:40

Nope OP. Can't you see that 'her mum isn't bothered what she gets up to' and 'she's likely more wordly wise' coupled with 'we don't know her yet' is actually a massive value judgement on the sexual mores of a young woman who is only a few months older than your DS?

And when you're called on this you do a wee flounce?

LeBOF · 29/09/2011 00:41

She's younger, isn't she?

WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 00:42

So she is Lebof. Can't think why I would have thought she was older...

LeBOF · 29/09/2011 00:45

Because she is assumed to be some sort of malign influence on the 16 year old boy, maybe? The 16 year old who is trying to persuade his dad to allow her to share his bedroom, the poor innocent lamb...

Bogeyface · 29/09/2011 00:50

When my son was 17 he wanted to stay over at his GF's and asked me what I thought. I asked him about where they were in their relationship (she was 19 and had a 2 year old so obviously waaaay ahead of DS, he was a virgin until 6 months ago and he is now 20!) He said they werent having sex and he didnt want to. So I asked where he would be sleeping and he said in her bed.

Then I had to point out that if a sexually active woman asked her BF to stay over in the same bed then she was probably assuming they would have sex. He didnt stay over and they split up later that week and he was not in the slightest bit bothered, and when I asked why they split up he would only say that she was a bit of a nightmare!

Perhaps he doesnt think that sex is on the agenda and she might be thinking that it is, and the thought of that might well change his mind (or not!)

Either way, no no no

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