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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to give up cooking for good?

27 replies

Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:20

I'm fed up of my DH's (taking the 'dear' out of that!) comments all the time about my cooked dinners.
I always spend time cooking a proper meal. I was exhausted today as I had 2 toddlers in the house and friends around. I'm also 37 weeks pregnant and very tired.

So he comes home late as usual,sits down. I get his dinner and he turns his nose up and says 'what the hell is this?'

Other times he just turns his nose up and says he is not hungry or it doesnt look appetising. Basically I am fed up with his comments and don't know why the hell I bother.

I cook different things every day, I'm not Delia Smith but I don't consider it total crap either.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 28/09/2011 21:21

Stop cooking for him.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 28/09/2011 21:21

If dh said that about my cooking on a regular basis he would be making his own. Make lovely food for you and the dcs dont bother for him.

usualsuspect · 28/09/2011 21:22

Tell him to cook his own dinner

cheeky fucker

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2011 21:24

My DH would be wearing 'whatever the hell that was' if he ever turned his nose up at my offering.

What a cheeky fucker!

I'd give up cooking if I could, and would still lead a very happy and fulfilled life Grin

It's boring and repetative, but I make damn sure that DH never takes it for granted that I cook something every night.

How does he react when you tell him where to get off with his shitty comments?

echt · 28/09/2011 21:24

He needs to start cooking for himself. But should be told why he has to do this.

How dare he.

I dislike day-to-day cooking, and DH loves it, so he does all the cooking. I have never and would never criticise his cooking. Bloody rude.

ColdSancerre · 28/09/2011 21:24

Jesus, if my DP said that I'd have stopped cooking for him long ago. In fact I'd assume he didn't like me all that much if he didn't care about being at least polite about my cooking.

MissVerinder · 28/09/2011 21:25

Stop cooking. Now. A wave of late morning sickness has hit and you cannot stomach anything other then Waitrose/MandS ready meals that will have to be warmed up by DH.

I guarantee after a week of the expense, he'll be there with the apron on!

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2011 21:25

Thinking about it, the only time I would ever say anything like what your DH did to someone (which I wouldn't) is if I had a total lack of respect for them and wanted to hurt their feelings.

Does he have a lack of respect for you generally?

Original poster
Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:27

He doesnt cook funnily enough. He has cooked about twice since we have been married!
I wanted to make something nice today. DH is from an African family and I had tried to make a native type dish as something special which is why I am pissed off, I don't usually attempt it but he hadn't even tried it before he said that :(

OP posts:
Orangesarenottheonlyfruit · 28/09/2011 21:29

Jees! I cook a lot, am in fact setting up a business as a caterer which measn that sometimes DH and the kids get fab meals, sometimes fish effing fingers if I have been cooking for other people all day.

If any of them EVER criticised what I put in front of them like that, kids included, they would be well and truly wearing it.

Man needs to learn some respect!

Original poster
Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:29

Downward spiral agent!

OP posts:
gethelp · 28/09/2011 21:30

He seems to be acting a bit, ahem, childishly. Is he jealous of the new baby?Grin

Seriously, make him eat cornflakes, and start criticising his driving.

NinkyNonker · 28/09/2011 21:31

He doesn't sound very pleasant! DH is a better cook than me but wouldn't dare be rude about my attempts, it is the thought that counts.

Original poster
Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:32

possibly gethelp! This goes back way before baby 2 was on the way though!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/09/2011 21:33

Oh dear at the downward spiral Sad

I'd be especially offended if I'd gone to the trouble of trying to make a traditional dish.

Very hurtful.

Is is just about the food, or is he getting at your cooking for some other reason?

Original poster
Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:34

He often seems to involve food agent. Sometimes he has these moods which last days where he refuses to eat, even when I continue to cook because I just find it pretty immature, but I do think there is more to it. I just try and ignore it usually.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:36

Also critisises my parenting with dd (2 yrs) cleaning, the way I do things....I don't think I ever do anything right tbh!! Frustrating.

OP posts:
gethelp · 28/09/2011 21:37

The trouble is, for me, the food I shop for and cook represents a lot of time and thought and to be honest, love. If a grown up person didn't respect that I would feel very hurt, so you have my sympathy.Maybe he doesn't realise how hurtful he is being to you. All you can do is spell it out. Good luck with your new baby, hopefully someone else will cook for you for a while!

Original poster
Allboxedin · 28/09/2011 21:40

Absolutely gethelp, I think that applies to all things we do for them - even ironing etc and vice versa.

OP posts:
redexpat · 28/09/2011 22:06

How about waiting for him to get undressed at night, point at his cock, turn up your nose and say 'what the hell is this'

Yes I am childish.

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2011 22:13

I can only talk for how I would handle constant criticism, and that would be to go along on my merry way as I always have, not taking a jot of notice of what was said.

Once you start changing one thing, it'd be a green light for him to think he's right, and in the right pointing out how things should be done his way or they're done the wrong way.

Then where would it stop? Would you just carry on changing the way you do your tasks/parenting until there's nothing of 'you' left?

Course not, ignore the criticism, ignore the childish sulking, and cook whatever you feel like having that night.

If he doesn't like it...

(although it's easy for me to say because I don't have to live with someone like this, but that's a deliberate choice)

noblegiraffe · 28/09/2011 22:15

Every time he criticises something, say 'Well then, you do it seeing as your standards are higher than mine', and stop doing whatever it is he doesn't think is up to scratch.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/09/2011 06:27

YANBU... He's an emotional bully. Constant criticism is the way bullies chip away at others' self-esteem and it's a very bad sign in a supposedly loving relationship. Stand up for yourself and don't take any more shit.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/09/2011 06:35

He sounds like a charmer. Criticises your cooking, your parenting, your cleaning, while expecting you to do all of those things on a fulltime basis and doesn't contribute?
What do you see in him?

cory · 29/09/2011 08:10

I don't think I would just ignore it. That approach works well with a toddler, but the problem with constant criticism from your partner is that it wears you down and damages your self-esteem, like Cogito says. With a toddler you can do it because you know you are the adult and you are in charge, but once you start thinking in those terms about your partner I think it does something damaging to your relationship. I would be very firm with him. every time.