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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at a friends child for scaring my dd so much she can't sleep!!!

18 replies

ByTheWay · 27/09/2011 14:42

My youngest dd 8 came home in tears last week saying she is going to Hell - she has not been baptised and doesn't "believe" in God. Her "friend" the daughter of a very pious friend of mine told her if she doesn't go to church she is not a good person and will "burn for all eternity in Hell" The other child is also 8.

My daughter now wants to go to church and asks if God will know she doesn't believe in him - that is how confused she now is.

I just feel so mad - the other girl must have got this from somewhere... did my friend use us as an example of "bad" people??? Do I raise the issue with her, or just keep reassuring my dd that some people say nasty things sometimes.

OP posts:
pearlym · 27/09/2011 14:47

Raise issue with ohter mum to see if they know anything about it, if they did say it, tell her not to discuss these views in front of your child again, if she refuses, then do not let child go round there. Tell your child that some people believe in that sort of stuff- no proof at all that it exists, you do not, there is nothing for child to worry about.
Even if true, god is generally seen as a good thing/person who not really into making young kids burn in hell!

AKMD · 27/09/2011 14:49

Oh gosh, YANBU. I would have a word with the other child's parents, who will probably be mortified and have a serious discussion with their child about it. It could well be something that the parents haven't taught her but she has pehaps picked up in a Sunday school class taught by an over-zealous teacher, in which case concerns have probably been raised before and this could be the straw that gets them reassigned to polishing the candlesticks.

I would explain to your DD that it was a nasty thing for the other girl to have said, that you do not believe that this will happen and (if you believe in God) that God loves everyone, not just those who have had the opportunity to get baptised, otherwise what would happen to the vast majority of people who are never even taught about baptism? I hope she feels ok soon.

CristinadellaPizza · 27/09/2011 14:51

I would also have a word with your friend and hopefully she will agree that it's not on for her DD to give your DD the whole fire and brimstone speech

aldiwhore · 27/09/2011 14:52

Kids will be kids. Time for a chat. I wouldn't demonise the other child, however I would talk about different beliefs with your own. Use Father Christmas as an example 'some people don't believe in Santa, so for them he doesn't exist'.

With my eldest (also 8) the party line is that if you believe in something, truly truly believe, then for you it is real... if you don't then it isn't. Anything that cannot be proven is a belief. There are certain things you can't NOT believe in as they can be proved or disproved easily.

Example. Grass is green. The Sun is hot. etc.,

You cannot stop children from talking to each other, scaring each other or feeding them crap you don't believe in. You simply can't do that. But you CAN prepare your own child to hear things they don't like or understand, and you CAN discuss it with them, comfort them and reassure them.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 14:54

8yrs old should be old enough for you to be able to explain about other people's religious beliefs...in fact I'm surprised your child doesn't know enough about them to know other people believe these things.

It's quite likely the child was just repeating what she's been told...but it might perhaps be a good idea to ask the mother to tell her to calm it down.

And maybe a little word with your child about her extreme over reaction.

Original poster
ByTheWay · 27/09/2011 16:06

Thanks all - I have had words with my dd to say she was over reacting, and we have had the usual talks about what people believe and what I believe and what she believes, and why everyone believes differently - she does know others believe these things,

but she was shocked to be essentially told she was a bad person and would burn in hell by someone she looks up to.... going to have to have a little chat with my friend to see why..... not looking forward to it - religion is one of those tricky subjects....

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 27/09/2011 16:07

My ds's form teacher told his class the same! Shocking!

Original poster
ByTheWay · 27/09/2011 16:14

OUCH - a teacher!!!! It scares me who can be in charge of kids sometimes! I guess they thought they were being very worthy, saving our little heathens from themselves.... Shock

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 27/09/2011 16:15

Yes, very hard to support the school when they employ such a loon. Had to have a very firm chat with ds and explain she was WRONG!

nickschick · 27/09/2011 16:17

I think you need to tell your DD that religion and belief is a personal issue.

God clearly loves her for she is healthy and happy with a loving family (i know you dont believe this but ...) even if she doesnt actually believe in God so long as she lives her life without doing harm and by being the nice child she is then even if there is a God he wouldnt abandon her.

valiumredhead · 27/09/2011 16:21

Very sensible nicks - we pretty much told ds that.

MrsBethel · 27/09/2011 16:52

I'd tell her that thousands of years ago the men in charge made up such ghost stories to scare all the poor people into obeying their laws.

It wasn't true then, it isn't true now, but it did scare quite a lot people in the olden days. But it doesn't scare many people these days because on the whole we know better.

MurunBuchstansangur · 27/09/2011 16:57

Don't use Santa as an example! I'd be wanting to keep 'santa' as far from religion as poss unless you want to be answering some very hard questions sooner than you want to!

nickschick and mrsBethel had good advice.

I'd be fucking livid OP. YANBU.

I try to teach my DS 'some people believe' and be respectful, but it would be very hard to maintain my composure if someone took it upon themselves to threaten him with hell.

sue52 · 27/09/2011 17:01

I would take this up with the girl's parents. They should know how upset your DD is.

Cyclebump · 27/09/2011 17:03

I was brought up in a very strict fundamentalist faith and recall baking similar clangers with friends when I was little. I told many of them that Father Christmas wasn't real long before they would gave worked it out themselves Blush

My parents were alerted by a friend's mum and explained our beliefs weren't shared by everyone and tat it wasn't appropriate to say certain things.

Talk to the girl's mum.

zipzap · 27/09/2011 17:14

Could you also give her a line to fight fire with fire so to speak in case she gets told something like this again...

Along the lines of 'well you're obviously not a real Christian if you believe that and tell people horrible things about going to hell' - I'm sure the mumsnet collective will come up with much better. But basically something that will actually make the girl stop and think and even go back and talk to her mum about what it is to really be Christian. If you cam challenge something that she holds dear - ie that she is a Christian - by saying that by her actions she actually is being very unchristian then it might make her see how hurtful she was being.

Original poster
ByTheWay · 27/09/2011 18:30

I like that zipzap- I might get my dd to ask what is Christian about what she said....- do Christians like to scare kids etc....

Oh - and as for the whole santa thing - we never got into that anyhow....

Poor family and all that - we do thank you's for everything we get - There isn't a fictitious man in a red suit doing any providing round here!! Though the kids know that some people believe in Him, so shouldn't go round spoiling it.... Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
ByTheWay · 27/09/2011 18:32

sorry - aberrant apostrophe -I know it is thank yous.... sorry...

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