AIBU to ask exH for £10 every two weeks for 18 year son?

[CreamolaFoamless]

I'd appreciate your thoughts on this please.

DS1 is 18 and just started college.

ExH and I have always had a good relationship since we spilt up 10 years ago and had a joint custody arrangement for DS1 so there were no issues with 'maintenance' whilst he was growing up.

However for the last 2 years DS1 has stayed at my house, he goes out and meets his dad but hasn't stayed there (due to new wife and tiny bedroom)

So this week, my DS1 came through on Saturday afternoon and announced 'We've not got any food left that I can eat in the house' . I'm skint until Thursday so had to phone his dad and ask 'can you take DS1 out shopping and pick up some food for him'

He did but there was much humming and hawing i.e he's 18 why should I still be paying for him he's old enough to work.

I have never asked exH for penny until Sunday but I feel a bit annoyed at his attitude and response and feel like saying 'you are working fulltime and have a rich wife' I'm skint at least chuck a fiver a week in your son's direction

AIBU for thinking this??? In my head I keep jumping from being enraged to feeling quite petty so I'd appreciate other peoples views and insights

If that is the case, maybe its not been mentioned because its not the issue, the thread is about her EX not wanting to help out financially.

Clearly if an 18 year old vomits like that it there is an issue...not 'toddler behavior'

Creamola does your DS have issues with anything else sensory- eg noise, smells, textures (rough clothes, that sort of thing?). Or any signs of either OCD like behaviours or obsession with weight? Absolutely this can be related to an ASD (and some are very ahrd to detect especially in high functioning individuals) but also there is a growing rnage of sensory issues that are being identified and also eating disorders that can manifest in odd ways.

2rebecca He should have been made to try a range of foods when younger. Come on, how many of us would want to live with a bloke who vomited if he didn't get his own special food? This is toddler behaviour

"Made to" Yes force feeding is always a great idea You clearly don't know what you are talking about.

cudda wudda shudda is unhelpful. the situation is what it is.

i have an 18 yr old twins - one is at college and has a job - the other doesn;t

it really does depend on what is available in the area.

my so is also a fussy eater, i try not to pander and if he says there is nothing in, i tell him he needs to contribute to the budget. although i know that getting a job isn;t as easy as some are making out

But why is it akward to ask for your ex to support your joint child.

The CsA is a way to formalise to arrangement but expect you ex to contribute £10 is not unreasonable when you on behalf of you child are entitled to it anyway.

I'm sure many will see your not expecting your ex to contribute on a regular basis as admirable and something to be proud of. That may be so, however therefore you will have to resign yourself to the fact that you cannot provide for the delicies of your son and he will need to adjust

I think it's sad that you ex seems to be so chuffed he doesn't have to pay out anymore. I think most parents, if able, would bung their dcs a few quid for travel and new shoes etc if they were in full time education. I know my parents would have but they couldn't afford it. It's sad that you ds has a dad who can afford it and just doesn't want to.

peachywhocannotType 'does your DS have issues with anything else sensory- eg noise, smells, textures (rough clothes, that sort of thing?). '

he does yes he stand the feel of a newspaper and freaks out if you put one near him ...that is odd

I just love all the "get a job" comments here - yes there are LOADS of jobs out there just waiting to be filled eh? Have any of you who are saying this actually realised the economic situation we are in these days, there's hardly an abundance of paid work for unemployed people, never mind students.

My 18 year old DS has just started college and is fortunate hes had a milk round now for a year or so but he may have to give this up as he will struggle to get to college on time plus 1 day a week he will be late home for getting picked up to collect the money.

It pays about £50 a week if you include tips - out of which he has paid for all his own driving lessons. We have just found out he will probably only get his travel expenses and not a bursary, he wants to go to college (lets face it he cant be a milk boy for the rest of his life ).

So hes been looking for something that will fit in with his college hours - nothing available.

BemybebeHe is legally responsible for him until he finishes full time education" - is it what you think or is it what you know? If he stays in fte until he is 30 - are the parents legally responsible for him until then?

There was a case a few years ago, split parents (obviously) the father declared himself bankrupt and had an immensly wealthy second wife. The Judge ordered the nominal sum of 1p a year maint whilst the girl was at school.

When she went to uni, the father suddenly 'went legit' again and amazingly retook control of his million pound business.

First wife went back to court and got maint, at the proper rates to support the daughter through Uni. the Judge said 'you don't stop parentental responsibility, ever'! I believe the first wife went back to court again when the daughter wanted to back an MA onto her BA - can't remember the outcome of that - although I do believe that is pushing it a bit.

As grants for uni are assessed on parental income, I would assume (perhaps wrongly) that maint is applicable. It certainly is until 19 if in FTE.