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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have shouted at the local thug today for harassing me on the school run

19 replies

bytheMoonlight · 27/09/2011 09:29

He started calling me names in the street again and swearing at me - last time I phoned the police and he got cautioned for harassment I know today I should have done the same but I just lost it because I had dd2 in the buggy and I wasn't going to let him think he can do that in front of my children.

I can't phone the police now as I shouted back so they will say it's 50/50. He threatened dh again as well - really wish we could move.

It all started because we reported Anti social behaviour in our area and have become targets ever since.

OP posts:
feetheart · 27/09/2011 09:33

What a horrible start to the day :(

I'd report it anyway, then at least its logged.

MumblingRagDoll · 27/09/2011 09:34

Does he lie near to you? I still think you need to report him....even if you shouted back...he began abusing you and you responded in self defence. Phone the police now....these things HAVE to be reported.

If he shouts at you again, phone the police while he is doing it...sorry you are ging through this....have you spoken to the council about moving?

nametapes · 27/09/2011 09:40

Stand up to these horrible thugs. Dont shy away, let them know you will not put up with this treatment and you are not scared of them.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Shout at them as much as possible. Show them up in the street.. they deserve as much humiliation as possible. Keep in close touch with the Police.
Good luck. x

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 27/09/2011 09:40

We are home owners but cannot sell, its on the market but prices are too low - we bought at the wrong time and are in neg. equity.

He lives about 1 min away from us - I have to pass his house everyday to do the school run

OP posts:
Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 27/09/2011 09:57

can't stop thinking about it and its making cry. I would even leave dh if it meant I could go and live somewhere else

OP posts:
Annpan88 · 27/09/2011 09:59

He sounds vile. I'm so upset for you having to go through this.

YANBU

MissVerinder · 27/09/2011 10:06

Ugh, that is not good.

I know it must be really hard for you, but please try and ignore him next time; make sure you phone the police today about the latest incident.

I know you think you've blown it by shouting back, but they will be understanding about why you did, even if it doesn't change the outcome as far as they are concerned. You can start again with the harrasment order.

Llanbobl · 27/09/2011 10:09

You've had the courage to report anti social behaviour, you've had the courage to call him out on his abuse of you in public - he probably did what he did to get a reaction. Were there any witnesses who saw him start this? I agree report to the police and to the council/LA. He has been cautioned, his harrassment of you probaly contravenes his caution - see what the police have to say. I know it's easier said than done, but next time just ignore and carry on walking. Could you record the abuse on your phone (I don't mean hold it up to his face and record, but could you have it in your hand so the sound is captured if nothing else?

Is he/his family in rented accomodation or arethey homeowners too? If rented, maybe the landlord council can intervene.

Cry in private, but hold your head up high and refuse to show (outwardly) you are intimidated by the bully (shake and shiver inwardly but don't let them see it).

herbietea · 27/09/2011 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PopcornMouse · 27/09/2011 10:20

I agree - report it. It doesn't matter that you shouted back - he has already been cautioned for his behaviour, and he is quite literally threatening you and your DH; you had a child with you and felt vulnerable and afraid. Report the **er.

PopcornMouse · 27/09/2011 10:21

And well done for standing up against antisocial behaviour in the first place, OP. If more of us did, none of this would be an issue

EricNorthmansMistress · 27/09/2011 10:38

Report it anyway. He has previous for harrassing you - you responded, that's not the same as harrassment.
Can you rent your house out and move into a rental somewhere else?

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 27/09/2011 11:04

DH phoned the police as he said the same as most of you - its still harrasement weather I shouted back or not.

They are coming down tomorrow at 8 to take a statement. Dh told them everything that was said and the police said I have a right to walk down the street without being shouted at and intimidated.

Something just snapped today, normally I look away when I see him coming, ignore the spitting right next to me and don't say a word. I don't know what changed today. I am a grown up and have normally behave as one.

I don't think the police will change anything though - he's already on a caution and still doing it.

What scares the life out of me is him pushing something through our letterbox at night to set the house alight when my children are asleep. Dh says I am overreacting about that and I know he's right but I am terrified where the girls are concerned.

OP posts:
Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 27/09/2011 11:06

Thought about renting this out but if repairs were needed we would have no spare cash to do them and we would be right up the creek with no paddle if we had a couple of months with tennant.

OP posts:
Meteorite · 27/09/2011 11:10

Yes, you do! Fingers crossed that things improve with the help of the police.

"I have a right to walk down the street without being shouted at and intimidated."

MajorBumsore · 27/09/2011 11:37

How horrible for you OP. You can get a device that you can put across your letter box to stop anything awful coming through. Not saying it will, but it might help your peace of mind.

This one's not cheap, but you might find another more reasonable one.
www.survequip.com/MAS01-Mailsafe/

minouminou · 27/09/2011 13:46

Do you have a recording function on your phone?
If so, use it (sound only). It can't be used as evidence (I think), but police officers will listen to it and it will make then take your calls to officially report this more seriously.
Don't let this lunatic know you're doing this, though. If you have an iPhone or similar, start the recording app and put the phone somewhere where it's out of sight, but where sound can still get to it.

This is horrid for you, but you might find that having the recording going on as you walk past him reassuring - you're putting another nail in his coffin o' gobshite.

MissVerinder · 27/09/2011 13:51

If you've got a windchime or something, sellotape that to the flappy bit on the inside of your postbox.

Alternatively, get a cheapy roll of masking/duct tape and tape it up every night- it'll make enough noise to wake you up if anyone tries to get through it, and it should only take you a couple of minutes to do.

I have to say I do that around bonfire night every year!

MotherOfHobbit · 27/09/2011 20:55

Well done for standing up for yourself. YADNBU

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