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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder whether, if I'd been aware of mumsnet (if it existed), I'd have found it helpful, or if it would have made me paranoid?

21 replies

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 00:33

When I had my son, I was 22. (He is eleven). I was never anywhere near as confident as some parents of young children are on here, and even now think "Shit - I did that! And I thought it was what everyone did!", when someone asks whether x thing was a bit wrong or not good enough.

I sort of wish I'd had the info from a parenting site when I was floundering a bit and he was little, but also wonder if it might have made me feel inadequate.

Boring one, sorry, but it's late, I can't sleep, and that's what I was thinking about!

OP posts:

lesley33 · 27/09/2011 00:46

I think some posts are helpful, but others would probably have made you paranoid. Its funny, a similar situation with a child can be posted a few times and the OP will get a totally different response from the majority dependent on time of day and the way the question is phrased. Posters tend to be very sympathetic to anyone with PND or possible PND, but the rest seems more inconsistent.

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 00:49

Some THREAD titles make me paranoid now, and I don't even have a baby/toddler anymore!
It's like a retrospective "Shit! Noone thinks that was OK! Is it too late a decade later to rectify the damge?"

OP posts:

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 00:50

Or damage, even.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 27/09/2011 00:55

I think mn is helpful in so many ways BUT you can end up questioning yourself too much and not feeling confident in your own choices. I take all I read with pinch of salt, I know my girls better than a bunch of strangers on the interweb

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 00:59

Well even trivial things - I thought feeding baby HIPP organic jars was uber parenting, for example...

We have been trying for baby number two recently, and NOW I think I would find a lot of advice really helpful, but looking back to my 22 year old self, I think THEN I would have just been way out of my depth. (And it's not just age - loads of young parents on here seem to know so much that I didn't!)

OP posts:

Kladdkaka · 27/09/2011 00:59

I would have never left the house out of fear of all the unspoken judgement going on.

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 01:02

What Kladdkaka said! (Not confident I would leave the house for above reason if number 2 does happen!)

OP posts:

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 01:06

That's BABY number two lives with eleven year old who would be sniggering at any mention of number two.

OP posts:

mumsamilitant · 27/09/2011 01:12

Talking from an "older mum's" perspective, was 35 when DS was born, I still had the same fear, guess we all do. Mumsnet is, like all forums on the internet, good, bad and rather ugly. You would do well to just take it all with a pinch of salt and go with your gut feeling.

fatlazymummy · 27/09/2011 01:13

Personally I'm glad that I had my children before the internet came along. I had to figure it out for myself, the only person I really took advice from was my Mum. It was fine. Sometimes I think things become overcomplicated on the internet [not just Mumsnet]. I must admit I find it a bit strange when people ask for other people's opinions on things like how long to use a buggy for, using reins, that sort of thing.Just have confidence in your own choices.

lemonbalm · 27/09/2011 01:15

The information that's available is amazing, especially through links. I really really really wish I'd had Mumsnet earlier in my parenting - it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 01:18

Good point - but see, when I had my son, I didn't have any fears beyond the usual irrational "I will stay up all night to check he is breathing because cot death exists" and (at the time) "OMG I just had the MMR done and maybe the Prime Minister didn't!"

I was unaware, largely of BF/FF debates, &c, and just sort of carried on my own sweet way with my mum and my partner's mum stopping me from fucking it up completely helping me out along the way.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 27/09/2011 01:20

Sorry - missed a couple of posts there! I think I am with fatlazymummy now!

OP posts:

wicketkeeper · 27/09/2011 08:03

OMG, I wish I'd had Mumsnet when my kids were young. Don't get me wrong - I managed, and they've turned out fine. But I'd have had so much less worry along the way I think.

I actually tried to start something similar many many years ago (before computers) - I suggested to the National Childbirth Trust that we should pool its resources, get Mums to write down their own solutions to common baby problems (eg getting them to sleep through the night etc etc) and put them all into a book so that new mums had a resource of wisdom they could dip into. It was only 1986, but it all sounds like something from the dark ages now!!

cory · 27/09/2011 08:49

If I'd had Mumsnet dd might have been diagnosed at 2, instead of having to wait until she was 8 and I was already under suspicion of causing her psychosomatic pains through bad parenting (or worse). There is just so much experience on here- if I could have tapped into that when we were struggling I would have known what kind of doctor to ask for and it could all have gone from there. If I had had Mumsnet from the start I would have known that her Headteacher was lying through his teeth about the school's responsibilities towards disabled students.

Never mind Unspoken Judgment- if I'd had mumsnet I would have known what to answer those judgments which were spoken loud and clear.

And I would still have trusted my own judgment about minor matters of discipline and potty training.

nagynolonger · 27/09/2011 09:03

My DC are aged 31 to 14. I would have loved to have had MN in the early years for the things that seem a bit unimportant now but at the time were the source of so much worry!
To be able to 'chat' to other pregnat women.
BF
What was in the nappy!
Bedwetting (until late primary)
All that sort of stuff

I'm really pleased I missed the whole private v state school debate until I was a confident parent of young adults.........That I think would have worried me!

southeastastra · 27/09/2011 09:05

it's opened my eyes to the reality of the education system, so whether that's good or bad, it's a fact!

lemonbalm · 27/09/2011 10:32

Yes, what Cory said. Mumsnet has already helped me ascertain the facts about a ton of stuff, especially things like my rights, and what I can reasonably expect from institutions and from other people. I wish I could've accessed it earlier.

I think also the ease of doing research via MN is worth mentioning - it's easier to find stuff out through other people's experience than to wade through academic papers. Obviously you have to be able to sort the wheat from the chaff.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 10:34

No, I think I would have just switched off as soon as people had a go at me for choosing to FF because I actually wanted to.

I must admit, MN has really opened my eyes to how much MILs seem to be able to do nothing right though.

I can't wait to be one

gethelp · 27/09/2011 10:42

I am so grateful there was hardly even internet when I was a new mother, I would have been dreadfully paranoid and really really negligent through incessant googling/facebooking/mning.

lemonbalm · 27/09/2011 12:08

gethelp.

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