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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid that friend lit up in my non smoking house?

58 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 26/09/2011 23:10

I have absolutely no issue with anyone smoking - I'd be a hypocrite if I did, I've smoked myself in the past. As far as un concerened if soneone wants to smoke, its their body and their choice.

That said I have a huge issue with anyone smoking around children and am extremely strict about ensuring no one smokes near my dc. Because of this, our house has always been a non smoking house. Everyone is aware of this. When I did smoke myself, I went outside in to the garden. If anyone visits and wants a cigarette - the go outside.

My dc are 5 years, 20 months and just 15 weeks old. Friend comes round last night for a few glasses of wine. Dc are all upstairs in bed. Each time she wants a cigarette, I go outside with her to keep her company. She went out maybe 4 times. I went to the toilet at one stage and when I came back down, she is sitting on top of my couch smoking a cigarette out the window - "you dont mind this, it's out the window" she says. I told that actually, yes I did mine and could she please throw it out. She looked surprised, giggled and said "oh feel bad now!". Admittedly she was a bit tipsy.

I am absolutely fuming - I mean really, really livid- the more I think about it, the more annoyed I'm getting. Am I over reacting? I just feel this was so disrespectful

OP posts:
meditrina · 26/09/2011 23:13

YANBU: smokers should always go outside.

Try to write it off to the drunkenness though - it'll help keep the temperature down, IYSWIM.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 26/09/2011 23:16

YANBU: smoking inside someone else's house is not on, unless they've expressley said you can.

In our house, we have a fridge magnet up which says "if you're smoking in this house, you'd better be on fire"

CardyMow · 26/09/2011 23:26

WTF? I'm a smoker - I don't smoke in my OWN home - let alone anyone else's. I would have had a hairy FIT at that. I chose to smoke - my dc do not. YANBU

worraliberty · 26/09/2011 23:28

YANBU

Even if you had no kids at all, it's your house.

She couldn't have sat in a pub and blown it out the window.

eaglewings · 26/09/2011 23:31

Another YANBU

halcyondays · 27/09/2011 08:14

Yanbu. It's your house and she knew you didn't want anyone smoking in the house.

BatsUpMeNightie · 27/09/2011 08:18

YANBU for all the reasons stated above. However YABU to be quite so livid. It's done now and the 'damage' will be very short term - the smell is probably gone by now etc.

MissTapestry · 27/09/2011 08:18

YANBU, if someone did that in my house I'd set them on fire go mad. However, if you value the friendship I'd maybe have a word when she's sober, let her apologise and then let it go.

carabos · 27/09/2011 08:22

I find this question v difficult. Non smoker, non smoking household but I find it very embarrassing that guests have to go outside to smoke - it causes an unnatural break in conversation, feels rude on their part for doing it and ours for making them do it. I would prefer smokers to not smoke at all when they are with non smokers in a private home, but recognise that that would be impossible for them.

GooseyLoosey · 27/09/2011 08:23

I was already to say YANBU, but actually, having read what actually happened - she had had a few drinks, lent out the window to smoke and apologised when you said stop, I think YABU to be "really, really livid".

I have never smoked and would actually not allow someone to smoke in my garden either but would not have been "livid" about this if they stopped as soon as I asked them.

BatsUpMeNightie · 27/09/2011 08:25

I have never smoked and would actually not allow someone to smoke in my garden

You sound like a barrel of laughs - bet you have some great parties there!

slavetofilofax · 27/09/2011 08:26

Exactly what HuntyCat said.

LoveBeingAMummyAgain · 27/09/2011 08:26

I think you are winding yourself up for no reason tbh. I don't smoke, I don't allow smoking in the house, I have friends who smoke. BUT she was tipsy and at least was out the window.

MrsChemist · 27/09/2011 08:29

YANBU, but what's done is done. She won't do it again.

LikeACandle, I want that fridge magnet!

triskaidekaphile · 27/09/2011 08:29

Agree with goosey. Smoking inside definitely unacceptable in the house of a non-smoker (and probably in most smokers' homes as well as Huntycat says) but if she was being silly because a bit drunk and stopped right away when you told her off then fury is a bit ott, I reckon.

MurunBuchstansangur · 27/09/2011 08:30

YANBU but YABU to still be cross.

GooseyLoosey · 27/09/2011 08:34

Bats - not sure I am a barrell of laughs but it's something I feel strongly about. It's never been a problem actually as I don't have any friends who smoke.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 27/09/2011 08:38

I'm an ex smoker, but I would reslly struggle to work up an outrage about this. It's not like she shat in your flower pot, shredded your kitten and then shagged your husband on the way out.

YABU but I know I will be in a massive minority here.

Oh and pffft at not even letting people smoke outside. Woo.

winnybella · 27/09/2011 08:39

Meh.

What Slinking said.

ZonkedOut · 27/09/2011 09:46

YANBU to be a bit upset, but it sounds like a drunken misjudgement which she put right when asked. Try to let it go and not get even more wound up about it, I doubt she'll do it again.

squeakytoy · 27/09/2011 09:51

Goosey, do you actually refuse to be friends with people who are smokers too? Grin

OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 27/09/2011 09:52

YANBU, but given that she put it out when you asked and doubtless won't do it again I'd just write it off as her being a bit pissed. I'd let it go.

Morloth · 27/09/2011 10:08

YANBU, and I would have asked her to put it out.

However, she was tipsy and as Slinking says, this isn't actually a big deal and no harm done, so I wouldn't be that bothered.

People know not to smoke in my house/car. I haven't even had to mention it ever actually now that I think about it. Smoking in the yard is fine here, we are mostly outside now the weather has warmed up and I don't have a single smoker in my life who wouldn't get up and leave where most people are sitting and smoke somewhere else.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 10:08

I have never smoked and would actually not allow someone to smoke in my garden

Oh that's too funny, I've heard it all now Grin

BalloonSlayer · 27/09/2011 10:11

YANBU but if you are fuming I hope you are outside.