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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my own toddler food into a cafe?

108 replies

BoattoBolivia · 26/09/2011 22:45

I went swimming with 3 other mums and toddlers today( between 1hr and 18 months) and we went to the leisure centre cafe afterwards for lunch. All of us ordered food for ourselves and hot drinks, spending nearly £40 altogether. We all had small pots of sandwiches/ salad/ yoghurts/ fruit for our dcs. When the first meal arrived, the waitress told us firmly that we were not allowed to feed our children our own sandwiches and yoghurts as we could buy them there. I qureried the quality, being a bit of a fussy mum about what I feed my ds, and she assured us that they could cater for any food issues. We firmly told her we would remember that for next time!
We were a bit annoyed as, although we recognise that they have the right to do this, it seems a bit mean spirited when you are talking about such a tiny amount of food.
I have a 9 yr old dd, and have fed her on many occasions( as a baby or toddler) in cafes with my own food, but would ALWAYS make the point of buying food for myself. Even if the cafe has a sign saying don't eat your own food no one has ever told me off, as long as I have bought something for myself.
We will be exercising our right to take our custom elsewhere in future, but AIBU to feel a bit miffed?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/09/2011 11:44

It really used to annoy me, that most children's menus consisted of chicken nuggets and chips/burger and chips/pizza and chips/fish fingers and chips. I had no objection to any of those as an occasional thing, but when we were on holiday, and eating out more often, it did piss me off. We used to plan our activities around National Trust properties, because we knew we'd find nice food on offer there, and could order one adult portion and split it between ds1 and ds2. Of course, this fell down completely when all three dses needed proper meals and reached the stage of automatically refusing to have whatever their brothers were having.

Original poster
BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 11:54

I don't have a sense of entitlement, just thought they were being shortsighted.

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 27/09/2011 12:01

I do wonder at the thought process that goes "they don't have anything on the menu I want to feed my child, so rather than go somewhere else, I'll bring my own food with me." It's not acceptable to take a picnic, for yourself or your DCs to a cafe, if you don't like what they serve, avoid them and/or suggest other menu items. (Most leisure centres would have a suggestion box).

Original poster
BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 12:27

lydia I can assure you I would never take food for myself into a cafe! This particular leisure centre unfortunately is out of the way, so to go somewhere else for food would be a pain. The children had had a swim, needed a quick fill up and then home for a nap. Putting them in the car, driving elsewhere and unpacking them again would have made things much longer.
As I said in my op, we will go elsewhere for a swim in future, and will check the cafe menu beforehand.
If I were going to a restaurant with the family, I would take snacks for ds to eat while we were waiting, but would order him something from the menu as well, as i would would pick a baby friendly place. This was a leisure centre, they serve prepackaged paninis, sugary drinks and large plates of salad!

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 27/09/2011 12:52

Well that's another reason I think YANBU, it's a cafe not a restaurant.

You could go in and take up a whole table just having a coffee by yourself, and they couldn't say anything. So why make a big deal of toddlers not ordering food there, when you're getting 40 quid overall?

If you want every one of your tables to order £10 worth of food per person, call yourself a restaurant. If you're a cafe unfortunately you have to tolerate a wider spectrum of behaviour.

BradfordMum · 27/09/2011 13:09

You and the other 3 mums spent £40 on food?!!
That sounds rather excessive!
Maybe you can afford to stuff your faces as you don't buy your kiddies any food!
YABU and greedy

LetThereBeRock · 27/09/2011 13:15

£40 for four people is far from excessive. It seems quite normal to me for a cafe. A panini and a drink can cost about that,and if you're having a piece of cake with it then you'll easily go over £10 per head.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 27/09/2011 13:18

I suppose that they have to have a blanket rule or people will seriously take the piss. I've been fuming in some cafes where I've been unable to get a seat but there's a table of mums and kids with a coffee between them and an enormous home-made picnic laid out in front of them. The cafe doesn't just need to think about their profits but their other (paying) customers as well.
I think it's different if it's baby food, but if it's sandwiches etc then either buy at the cafe or eat at home.

JugsMcGee · 27/09/2011 13:40

Genuine question here - is it ok to take food for your baby when you are BLW?

Original poster
BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 13:49

jugsthat's a very reasonable question, and probably the reason i've ended up in this situation. Ds has never let us spoon feed him, so he was 'blw' by default, really. I'm not sure where the line is tbh as he eats pretty much now what he was eating a year ago, just a bit more and less messily!

OP posts:
vess · 27/09/2011 13:49

You are not BU, the cafe are - and that attitude is going to lose them money. Would they prefer a mum to sit down for a coffee and cake and feed their DC a sandwich, or not to get coffee at all?

dreamingbohemian · 27/09/2011 13:51

Exactly, vess.

the cafe was empty, why antagonise the only customers you have?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/09/2011 13:51

You ordered loads of food and seeing as they kids were all very young YANBU. I wouldnt go there again.

Original poster
BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 13:51

vess tbh, I don't think the cafe abu, just shortsighted.

OP posts:
pinkytheshrinky · 27/09/2011 13:58

I always take food with me but I have two older dds with coeliacs so everyone is alright about it - sometimes the owner of the cafe or restaurant can cater so then it stays in my handbag. Can you not have a sarnie and offer your toddler a bit? Even if it is not the most fab food in the world a little can do no harm..... You can always give your child something when you come home, surely unless there is a good reason bringing your own food into a cafe is a bad show.

Laquitar · 27/09/2011 14:08

As others said, the Cafe needs to have a blanket policy.

Regarding the 'unhealthy' food, you can always order a cheese s/w or a toast. How 'bad' can a piece of bread be?

Pfriend · 27/09/2011 14:28

So on Sunday I took my DS (13 months) to a pub with my DH and ILs. We all had a roast dinner, and each of us gave a bit of our dinner to DS, who spoon fed it to himself from his bowl. I did get down on my knees and clean up the mess, unlike someone with a toddler at a neighbouring table. Was I BU not to buy him the childrens roast? A lot of the food he ate from us would have been wasted if he hadn't eaten it - small appetites plus he ate all my cabbage (blurrgh!). No one commented but now I am wondering if I should have bought him something?

CountBapula · 27/09/2011 14:30

Blush Confused I do this all the time with DS, who's just turned 1, and so do all my friends with babies the same age. I just give him sandwiches and a yoghurt (one of those Plum ones or Little Yeo that aren't rammed with sugar and artificial crap - I have never been to a cafe where these are available). I feed him quickly, always order food and drink for myself, and always clean the table and high chair with Dettol wipes afterwards (he is quite a clean eater though and rarely makes much of mess Shock).

We took him to Prezzo the other day and ordered off the kids' menu, and he barely touched the food. There was masses of it (presumably kids' menus cater for kids of all ages so it's not geared towards toddlers) - it was a big waste of food and money. I ended up giving him sandwiches I'd brought just in case - I didn't want him to go hungry.

I think 12-18 months is still quite young TBH, and café food/sandwiches is often full of salt and the portions are too big for very little ones. So I think YANBU.

chicletteeth · 27/09/2011 14:32

YABU to pack a full spread and then let them picnic in a restaurant.

It wasn't just a couple of jars of baby food, you had the whole lot.

Why don't you just buy them something?

harrietthespook · 27/09/2011 14:35

I often wondered why the Costa in our Waitrose hosted things like breast feeding drop in centres for mums and then for ages had NOTHING whatsoever apart from a massive chocolate muffin etc to serve potentially older toddlers coming with them. People did bring their own and got told off for it but I am sympathetic to them in this particular situation. The mums that whipped food out were generally pulling out jars, fruit, bread sticks to tide the older ones over and I did think Costa could have let it go. They eventually gor more in but two sandwiches, a couple of drinks, and say a bag of crisps came in at over fifteen pounds.

It is also annoying when restaurants are supposedly 'family friendly' and dont' have a children's menu and insist on charging the same amount as an adult portion for a child. If I see a high chair I think it's reasonable to assume the place is willing and able to sell things that are suitable for children or be happy for me to whip my own stuff out.

So - I kind of see both sides I guess.

gaaagh · 27/09/2011 14:37

BoattoBolivia, I disagree with your shortsighted comment.

The cafe staff are running a business. It would be shortsighted to forget that. What you're talking about is alienating a target market to the point where it might become financially ruinous... that's not neccesarily short sighted,because you're assuming that the cafe has its profits geared towards the "mums coming in and buying £40 and allowing multiple children to scoff a pre-packed picnic at the cafe tables". Which isn't neccesarily true Wink I suspect that not many cafes could function if they geared themselves up towards that model. Family-friendly, yes. Baby-friendly, yes. Flexibility, yes. But taking the piss with your outing? Yes.

Original poster
BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 14:41

gaaagh if the place had been heaving, I would agree with you, but it was empty.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/09/2011 14:44

Pfriend No I don't think you should have. He'd have eaten about 1/50th of it so what's the point. At that age all they need is bits of your plate unless you want to get him something of his own.

CountBapula · 27/09/2011 14:45

Actually, a lot of the time I stop at a café specifically to feed DS when I probably wouldn't bother otherwise (I don't drink coffee so would normally just wander round with a cold drink bought from a shop). So the café is getting custom from me that they wouldn't ordinarily get if I wasn't taking a pit stop to feed him, change his nappy etc, and I buy food as well as a drink because I can't resist cake.

choceyes · 27/09/2011 15:18

I don't think you are BU. I also BLW my DCs and it is difficult to find food from a cafe menu that isn't loaded with salt or sugar, so if I didn't have food of my own then I end up just giving them bread or a bit of lettuce. I always thought that nobody would think twice if I opened a jar and spoon fed them, so why shouldn't I bring my own food for my baby which isn't pureed?
I always get down on my knees and pick up the bits that gets dropped and wipe clean the high chair too.

Although once there past about 18 monthish, then I relax on the added salt thing, and will buy something off the menu for them.