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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my own toddler food into a cafe?

108 replies

BoattoBolivia · 26/09/2011 22:45

I went swimming with 3 other mums and toddlers today( between 1hr and 18 months) and we went to the leisure centre cafe afterwards for lunch. All of us ordered food for ourselves and hot drinks, spending nearly £40 altogether. We all had small pots of sandwiches/ salad/ yoghurts/ fruit for our dcs. When the first meal arrived, the waitress told us firmly that we were not allowed to feed our children our own sandwiches and yoghurts as we could buy them there. I qureried the quality, being a bit of a fussy mum about what I feed my ds, and she assured us that they could cater for any food issues. We firmly told her we would remember that for next time!
We were a bit annoyed as, although we recognise that they have the right to do this, it seems a bit mean spirited when you are talking about such a tiny amount of food.
I have a 9 yr old dd, and have fed her on many occasions( as a baby or toddler) in cafes with my own food, but would ALWAYS make the point of buying food for myself. Even if the cafe has a sign saying don't eat your own food no one has ever told me off, as long as I have bought something for myself.
We will be exercising our right to take our custom elsewhere in future, but AIBU to feel a bit miffed?

OP posts:

kitya · 26/09/2011 23:07

My friend owns a cafe in Brighton and this really drives him around the bend!! He gets so annoyed on a lunchtime, his busiest time when mums come in with their toddlers, buy sandwiches and coffee for themselves and then proceed to take out various snacks and drinks out for the toddlers. Oh, he goes on about it forever. I guess he's only trying to make a living though.

Original poster

BoattoBolivia · 26/09/2011 23:08

piprabbit actually I do often have a cloth to go under the highchair with me and often go down on my knees to clean up after ds!

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 26/09/2011 23:08

Me too, Worra but with the added vision of little inflatable trays of sandwiches, yoghourt and fruit floating around them just in case any of the children got peckish during the birthing process.

worraliberty · 26/09/2011 23:09

Really laughing now @ the floating snacks

ravenAK · 26/09/2011 23:10

Apart from anything, why would you bother faffing with tubs of stuff for the dc? Surely the point of going to a cafe for lunch is so's not to have to do that! Otherwise you could as easily all have brought sandwiches, salad & yoghurts for yourselves & had a picnic.

If you want a cafe meal but don't want to buy a meal for toddlers who will admittedly probably waste much of it, give them a bit off the end of your own sandwich to chew on, buy them a token piece of fruit & everyone's happy.

But you can't reasonably rock up in someone's business & start dishing out your own food to the dc - it really is very cheeky.

LetThereBeRock · 26/09/2011 23:10

Bugger it. That should be I have no children yet,but don't most toddlers have enough teeth to tackle a banana?

That's what happens when you have one eye on a dvd,one on the fox outside,and are drinking tea while Mumsnetting.

Original poster

BoattoBolivia · 26/09/2011 23:11

Laughing a lot here at the communal birthing pool snack bar!

OP posts:

Beamur · 26/09/2011 23:11

YABU to use their facilities to eat your picnic. The only exception being if any of your DC was on a special diet that could not be catered for. Even though you did spend a lot of money on other food.

LetThereBeRock · 26/09/2011 23:15

The communal birthing pool could catch on.Education,snacks,socialisation,anatomy and the facts of life all in one. Who needs nursery?

BoscoIsMyLover · 26/09/2011 23:24

I just had to log in to roffle at letthereberock children/teeth comment...Honest, a little pee came out I laughed so unexpectedly

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 26/09/2011 23:25

PMSL at LTBR lack of teeth!

YABU OP, really. Having said that, we used to take sandwiches to cafes for DS when he was a toddler (SN - would only eat 5 foods from the age of 18 months to 5!!) , BUT we always checked before we sat down that it would be OK for him to eat them, and if they said no we either didn't stay, or got him a drink and he ate his sandwiches later. A lot of places are quite accomodating (sp) we found, but they don't have to and you shouldn't expect them too.

halcyondays · 26/09/2011 23:27

Yabu if you were bringing in "proper" food like sandwiches and as they were toddlers. It would be different if you were talking about a 6 month old baby who was just eating a jar of baby food or a couple of rice cakes.

MissMississippi · 26/09/2011 23:30

Ok, I was typing too fast and it came out as a kind of short-hand (with most of it in my head!), so let me clear up what I meant was...

My friends and I (with babies the same age), meet up now and again for a coffee and a chat. When the kids were a few weeks old (up until they were about 12 months), we used to meet in a cafe. Once they were more mobile this was boring for them, so we went to each others houses or a soft play for them to move about.

Whilst in the cafe, we all went through the whole BF/FF (trying to BF discreetly, trying to get formula warmed), through the weaning (purees/BLW), to tempting them with cafe food. So when I mentioned the pureed banana/Ella's pretentious kitchen, it was simply an example. I am not sure anyone actually brought pureed banana (I mean wouldn't it be totally runny and get everywhere in the nappy bag - yuck!). It is late and just something that popped in my head. My DS and most of my friends' DCs always ate bits of bananas not pureed.

Hope I cleared that up. I now have visions of an 18-month toddler slurping liquidized banana....Stupid MissMiss....

MissMississippi · 26/09/2011 23:32

ps LetThereBeRock I totally wet myself when I read the children/teeth comment and imagined you without teeth and 10 kids trying to munch one banana

I guess you are tired too!

Sewmuchtodo · 26/09/2011 23:35

I have a friend who does this for her 3yr old DC. We go for coffee (and cake) and she pulls out a full lunch box containing a sandwich, fruit, cake and juice, all of which are sold in the coffee shop we go to.

I find this really embarrasing and always buy food and drinks for my DC's from the establishment we go to.

Last time we met for late afternoon and after we sat down with our coffee she pulled out a fruitshoot and gingerbread man from asda (again both sold in cafe too) announcing how much cheaper it was to buy a multipack from the supermarket than from th ecoffee shop we were sitting in!

arabicabean · 26/09/2011 23:45

I take my own organic food for my toddler to restaurants. I ask first if there would be any problem with this and there never has been. I would buy him a meal if it were organic.

LetThereBeRock · 26/09/2011 23:45

Thankyou for clearing that up,MissMississippi. That makes sense. I'm easily confused,as you may have noticed.

And yes I am tired,but then I'm always like this .

worraliberty · 26/09/2011 23:51

So you don't eat organic food but you make your toddler eat it arab?

toody · 26/09/2011 23:58

I always take food for my ds when eating in cafe at lunch times he is 2.5 but will only eat the same food at lunchtime snack a jacks petit filous both of which are never available in cafes. I always buy lunch for all adults, I have never been asked not to feed ds own food and would be upset if I was. I would not do this in evening as he will now eat most things on restaurant kids menus, but when he was younger I did take in home made meals I had previously frozen and again have never been challenged.

arabicabean · 26/09/2011 23:59

I have organic food at home (as an adult can hardly take my own food to a restaurant!).

makachu · 27/09/2011 00:06

YABU baby food which you can't buy in the cafe is fine, food for children or even adults with dietary restrictions fine, a proper picnic of sandwiches, fruit, and yoghurt is a bit much really. If it were just one of those things and you bought a sandwich to split between all the babies it wouldn't be quite so cheeky. In fact, it wouldn't have been so cheeky if you'd asked if it was ok first and given some sort of explanation as to why your kids need to eat a home made sandwich in the first place, even if you made up some excuse like your child is following a special diet or something. Where I work (food service) I don't mind toddlers having their own drink or snacks if they aren't food that can be bought at the restaurant, but I sometimes get tables saying the kids don't need drinks because they have their own, then take out something like a fruit shoot, which they should bloody well pay for if I'm expected to clean up the mess it leaves! I don't work for nothing! Plus I'm always disappointed because I think the parents mean they've got something healthy instead.

I also think parents can be very blinkered about the mess their children make and the space they take up. Little kids smear food everywhere, draw on the tables, on menus, spill things, involve baby wipes, soggy napkins shudder Lots of high chairs which all need to be cleaned and put away, chairs replaced after that, crayons and bits of pizza/sandwich/sweetcorn swept off the floors when they are gone. Not to mention children running around and in high chairs preventing you from reaching the table properly can be a nightmare when trying to give out hot drinks and foods. Tables with lots of children also tend to stay for longer, spend less money on the kids than a similar sized group without them. You mention that you spent a lot of money, but in the time you were there and 4 adults 4 babies they could potentially have seated two tables of four each paying the same amount. I think that maybe you shouldn't have told her anything "firmly" you should have apologised and been nice about it, she was only doing her job. It's a business and they have to draw the line somewhere, if adults aren't allowed to take in a sandwich or a McDonalds sit with their friends and take up space that could be used for paying customers, why should toddlers be entitled to? Hurm. Personally I always try to be as nice, helpful and friendly to customers with young children as I can as I know it's a nightmare sometimes but it's a bugger when I have to clean up the mess when they don't think they need to leave me a tip because they're just popping in for lunch and they've barely contributed to my wages. Hehe...I'm wondering if I served anyone reading this.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 00:09

I have organic food at home (as an adult can hardly take my own food to a restaurant!)

But the fact you eat non organic surely means you know it won't kill you, therefore are you not just using that as an excuse not to buy your child restaurant food?

wonkylegs · 27/09/2011 00:13

I used to bring out raisins, gingerbread biscuits and mini rice cakes when we ate out in a restaurant but mainly for DS to eat whilst waiting for food to arrive - as soon as it's ordered he usually demands where's my food and a bowl of yummy olives just never seems to cut the mustard. Most restaurants aren't bothered by this as we are buying for DS anyway and it keeps him quiet

Mspontipine · 27/09/2011 00:22

Gracious!! Me and ds (8) are often camped out at our leisure centre cafe - grabbing a quick tea before swimming, gym class etc. I rarely buy anything the occasional machine coffee - we both sit there scoffing our pack ups sometimes I'll have a flask.... Fitting in a bit of reading practice etc.

My justification
a) cafe serves unhealthy crap - pastry, chips and burgers. I do think a leisure centre should try to set a good example by offering a heathier fayre (sp?)

b) if we were not sat in cafe we'd be lounging in some viewing area instead enjoying our feast there - that's where ds eats when he does lc all day activities and the place is a right mess after crumbs etc so my reasoning is surely they'd rather us eat in an area suitable for such activities

c) I always clear up after us

d) after years of doing this have only recently spotted sign saying only food bought there to be consumed etc

e) I would not describe ours as a cafe. It's a viewing area with a few tables and chairs people often sit reading papers while older kids swim etc. Does serve food like I say but there's very few peeps actuall sitting there buying it!!

Mspontipine · 27/09/2011 00:24

Plus
f) I do spend an absolute fortune on classes for ds there.
Not that that gives me any misplaced sense of entitlement whatsoever note

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