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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my own toddler food into a cafe?

108 replies

BoattoBolivia · 26/09/2011 22:45

I went swimming with 3 other mums and toddlers today( between 1hr and 18 months) and we went to the leisure centre cafe afterwards for lunch. All of us ordered food for ourselves and hot drinks, spending nearly £40 altogether. We all had small pots of sandwiches/ salad/ yoghurts/ fruit for our dcs. When the first meal arrived, the waitress told us firmly that we were not allowed to feed our children our own sandwiches and yoghurts as we could buy them there. I qureried the quality, being a bit of a fussy mum about what I feed my ds, and she assured us that they could cater for any food issues. We firmly told her we would remember that for next time!
We were a bit annoyed as, although we recognise that they have the right to do this, it seems a bit mean spirited when you are talking about such a tiny amount of food.
I have a 9 yr old dd, and have fed her on many occasions( as a baby or toddler) in cafes with my own food, but would ALWAYS make the point of buying food for myself. Even if the cafe has a sign saying don't eat your own food no one has ever told me off, as long as I have bought something for myself.
We will be exercising our right to take our custom elsewhere in future, but AIBU to feel a bit miffed?

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 27/09/2011 00:25

LTBR I actually sat and tried to work out what that post meant! I thought maybe you were writing it from the point of view of a baby but then got stuck on the children and banana bit.
I must be more tired than you!

LetThereBeRock · 27/09/2011 00:49

I think you're right. I choked,literally, on my salt and vinegar twists when you said you thought I was writing from the perspective of a baby.

ModreB · 27/09/2011 05:26

YABU. If the food in the cafe is good enough for you, then it is good enough for your DC.

You were, IMO taking the piss.

snailoon · 27/09/2011 05:35

Just be discreet. Don't sit at a central table, and don't make it obvious. If you are vegan, and don't eat sugar or gluten, they won't have much for you.

allhailtheaubergine · 27/09/2011 06:00

Yeah YABU. We all do it, but I think the thing is to do it without a sense of entitlement. I always have a pack-up for my allergic 3yo, I've never been asked not to give him food from home but if I were I would think "fair enough".

BatsUpMeNightie · 27/09/2011 08:24

If I live to be 300 I will never understand these people (almost always Mums with a gaggle of toddlers!) who think cafe owners do it for fun, as a charity or social service.

Next time any of you get annoyed at being told to bugger off with your home made picnics ask yourselves what YOU would do were it your business and your income being compromised by the eternally entitled!

Stateofplay · 27/09/2011 08:37

I do take toddler food to restaurants and cafes, but I always spend enough for the cafe not to be losing out (ie would get food/a cake myself, and always buy a drink for dd)

I would also feed child discretely (ie in her pushchair, rather than at the table). And I don't linger, unless I'm spending more money in there on second, third rounds of coffee!

Food for toddler would not be more than one thing - definitely not a spread - so a little bag of chopped fruit, some veg sticks, some breadsticks. Anything more substantial I would give her before we went into the cafe.

StopRainingPlease · 27/09/2011 08:44

Thing is, even if the cafe owners are doing well out of you overall, surely they can't be having one rule for one table (they can feed their toddlers as they're spending £20) and another for another table (cup of coffee only, no toddler feeding). After all, what if the cup-of-coffee person goes on to order a full meal? Or comes in every other day spending £30? And why should the owner have to faff about figuring out whether you're good business or a drain on resources?

Sewmuchtodo · 27/09/2011 08:50

Well said batsUpMeNightie

Bramshott · 27/09/2011 09:01

The cafe I go to regularly has a sign up saying only under-2s may eat their own food (worded better clearly). That seems a sensible cut-off for me, so YANBU.

gaaagh · 27/09/2011 09:09

agree 100% with BatsUpMeNightie

TandB · 27/09/2011 09:12

YABU

Unless this is the SW London leisure centre beginning with P where the cafe is run by the rudest, nastiest woman ever to walk the earth.

In which case, carry right on and annoy her a little bit more!

squeakytoy · 27/09/2011 09:23

If you were in a pub and saw a woman buy a coke and then sneak vodka in it from a bottle in her bag, would you not think she was taking the piss a bit?

Even if it was ethically distilled organic vodka from a sustainable source

DeWe · 27/09/2011 10:10

The coke would probably be more expensive anyway.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 10:14

If you were in a pub and saw a woman buy a coke and then sneak vodka in it from a bottle in her bag, would you not think she was taking the piss a bit?

I haven't done that since I was 16

dreamingbohemian · 27/09/2011 10:34

I think YANBU because 12-18 months is still very young.

I was a waitress for a long time, I would go by the rule that if the child can't tell me himself what he wants from the menu, he doesn't have to order from it.

I would not have said anything to you -- to order food for all your babies would add, what, £10 to the meal? (assuming they can't each finish a meal themselves) Not much considering if they hadn't said anything you might have gone every week and put in £40.

I do generally order a drink for my 18 month old, and just give him snacks, nothing too meal-y. But I think ultimately it shouldn't be such an issue.

pootlebug · 27/09/2011 10:50

What BatsUpMeNightie said.

I have never taken food to a cafe or restaurant for my kids. Not when they were 6 months, or 12 months, or any other age. I guess it helps that we did BLW so didn't feel a need to have purees, but once a child is beyond needing purees, there is no justification whatsoever. If they're fussy, it might perhaps persuade them to be less fussy if they were exposed to a greater range of food...

Meteorite · 27/09/2011 10:53

Not unreasonable to take them a snack to keep them happy while they wait for the food/drinks to arrive. But I think YABU to take an entire picnic for toddlers.

LydiaWickham · 27/09/2011 10:58

YABU - if you want to use the facilities of a cafe, you should pay for their products - you were taking up the space of people who would pay.

I would say once your children have moved on from baby food into same as adult food, then you shouldn't be bringing your own. As for those who will only feed their DCs organic, but eat any old crap yourself, if it's not good enough for your DCs then you should go somewhere else to feed them, or buy takeaway stuff for yourself and all go eat in a picnic area. If you are making sandwiches for your DCs, why not make them for yourself too?

Kveta · 27/09/2011 11:14

I still do this for DS (just turned 2) - we rarely eat out, but if it's a soft play area or the like, I've learnt the hard way that he will not touch the food they serve. Plus, the time it takes for them to bring the food means he has gone beyond hungry to whiny and food refusing - there's a fine line between 'will eat a horse' and 'screaming with hunger but won't touch even a chocolate biscuit'. When he needs food, he needs food NOW. I will, however, get him fruit or a snack if there's something he'll eat. (btw, M+S cafe, IKEA canteen, and Pizza Express - I will ALWAYS get him food from those places, as they are fast, adequate portions for a toddler, and enough variety that he might actually eat something. Local soft play areas and starbucks, not so much.)

Maybe cafes should have a fee for bringing your own toddler food - like a corkage charge? and explain that they still have to clear up the area, and the toddler being there will prevent others from using the seat.

So, OP, I don't think YABU, but understand the cafe's perspective.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/09/2011 11:16

If I remember correctly, I took the occasional jar of baby food into cafes when the dses were babies, but once they were able to eat normal food (even if it needed mushing/chopping up a bit), we fed them from the cafe menu.

I remember one family holiday very well - ds3 was past the puree stage, and dh's answer to what to feed him for lunch was always that he (dh) would have a baked potato with cheese and beans, and would feed ds3 from that. By the end of the fortnight, poor ds3 couldn't look a baked potato in the face!

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 27/09/2011 11:30

YABU A cafe is a business not a charity.

It's one thing taking a piece of fruit to put a toddler on until the meal arrives, another to take a complete lunch.

Once mine were out of the purree stage they ate from the cafe menu.

Original poster

BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 11:31

Thanks for the responses, obviously iwbu. I totally understand the cafe owners point of view and am now sitting in our local soft play feeding ds their sandwiches! Mainly because i

OP posts:

Wrigglebum · 27/09/2011 11:32

I tend to take a chunk of cheese to keep DS quiet while we're waiting but not everywhere cafe style does ok food for toddlers, went to one cafe and the only sandwiches they did were massive paninis, which DS would have struggled to chew. They couldn't do smaller sandwiches or anything on sliced bread so after checking it was ok with them I popped to Tesco for a cheese sarnie for him.

Depending on where we are I either get a children's meal or just order a bit more for myself and let DS pick at that. He has such a tiny appetite the children's meals are usually mostly left on the plate.

Original poster

BoattoBolivia · 27/09/2011 11:44

(sorry, phone playing silly buggers) i know they make them fresh, very small and with simple fillings aimed at toddlers. They are also generally lively here , keep the place really clean but it is always half empty and i can't see how they make a living, so i always buy food here. If the leisure centre wants me to buy half a sandwich and a banana for my ds, then they need to advertise that that is on offer, there was really nothing like that on the menu. The cafe was deserted, we were the only people eating and really i was more miffed about the lack of chips!

OP posts:

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