To let my 10 YO DD wear make up to school?

[TryingToBeRealistic]

I've namechanged because I'm not stupid, and there's a possibility I might be BU

I don't notice them, (and it obviously wouldn't make any difference to the way I feel about her if I did) but DD is really bothered by the darkish skin under her eyes.

I got some 'touch of light' concealer yesterday and DD asked to try it, it got rid of the dark under her eyes and you couldn't tell she had it on.

The bit of trouble at school she's had with a few other DC (which the school has dealt with very well, but it's not gone away) has left her with her confidence dented.

Despite this, she's a very grounded and far from being a shallow person, that she's not into so called celebrities/fame/money/looks might explain why she has clashed with some 'popular' girls at school.

She knows you don't judge books by their covers, but she's getting to an age where she's finding it hard to brush off any comments about her appearance.

We've talked about how she's not responsible for their remarks and it's a reflection on them, and 'they' pick up on anything/nothing, but that advice isn't much help when you're in the situation and feeling crap.

If it were her shoes causing her grief, I'd change them.

If she wanted her hair a different way, I'd have no problem with that.

As I said above, I'm not an idiot, and know it's about far more than just a concealer -

--I don't want her to start wearing make up and not feel able to stop.

--me saying yes is saying I think she's not OK as she is, and lumps me in with the girls at school.

--it ultimately won't change how other people are with her. 

So given that I understand the reasons why it might not be a good idea, and that I'm trying to be realistic about what it feels like to be 10 YO and at school - trying to fit in but also trying to be confident about who you are - I'm kind of being swayed towards letting her put it on (if she wants to/remembers)?

AIBU?

YANBU. Sounds like her dark eyes may be connected to her asthma/allergies. My DN has similar. Would agree to get iron levels checked but some light concealer under the eyes isn't the end of the world.

YABU for writing the longest, most defensive, plaintive and self-justifying opening post in known Mumsnet history (Mumsnet HQ please confirm).

On the matter of cosmetic procedure itself - well I am a bit old fashioned about these matters and hate make up on little girls (don't even start me on earrings on children - JUST DON'T ALRIGHT??) but I can kind of see your point on this one. I would chill your boots and stick to your guns if you are okay with this.

YANBU, this is clearly effecting your daughter, it's not like she is going out with a face full of slap, it's just concealer! When I was younger I was teased because of my hair, I had beautiful curls, but once I got to seven or so some of them went straight, so I had half curly half straight hair, after months of using rollers and tongs my mum let me have a perm, would be scowled at now u guess but made me happy! (until my first re-perm in high school left me looking like a poodle)

You sound like a great mum!

Fgs flabby a bit of concealed at ten bears bo relationship to "shagging at 13".

I wore a weeny bit of makeup at ten sometimes band didn't sleep with anyone til I was 22!

You do spout some rot sometimes!

OP as long as she's bit plastering herself with foundation and it is just a tiny bit if concealer I think it's fine. But do get her checked for deficiencies.

My dd is red haired and has incredibly pale eyelashes. When she started to wear glasses in year 6 I let her have here eyelashes dyed, because she really looked white mousish and was very self conscious about it. It made such a difference to how she felt about herself.

So go for it. But bear in mind that.she will be able to use this as an argument for being allowed the full orange trowel job in year 7. Be strong!

Consider it a shared post then Shiney

Come over to my crumpets thread for more fun and frolics

My DD is 8 and has had dark shadows under her eyes for a long time now. She has trouble sleeping and won't sleep in the total dark but make up wouldn't be my first thought if she was being teased. I would be teaching her to ignore mean people.

I think you should have her checked by the doctor, try early nights and go down a different route before resorting to make up.

My dd is three and plasters herself with my make up. She's obsessed. I don't really like it but I see no harm as it is a tribal thing; warpaint like mummy wears (although I don't wear very much at all really). It dosn't mean dd is going to be out shagging any time soon! With a teen it is fairly natural to want to fit in and they are super conscious about blemishes. If it's a bit of concealer then it won't hurt.

Also op if you asked if your dd should wear braces to correct wonky teeth then most people would tell you to go for it so why should concealer make up be different? Braces are cosmetic surgery and as a society sadly we do judge on appearance. I'm sure you dd is lovely but if she's uncomfortable then try to ease the discomfort.

Can I just say that I never wore make up as a teenager, and it had a negligible impact on my diverse and enjoyable sex life?
If you get her checked out with the doctor OP, and the concealer helps her be more confident ATM, I don't see the harm.

Braces aren´t solely cosmetic though, are they-well not on the NHS, I shouldn´t think!

I have dark circles & my teenage daughter is more bothered about them than me!

Get hay fever & can look as if I´ve got black eyes-and when it´s like that concealer irritates!

I know dark circles are a classic sign of a child with allergies. Nasal congestion (doesn't have to be significant) plays a big part. It may be worth just asking the Consultant when you go back about being on a diluted decongestant for a while. Also, the paler the skin the worse they look, so make sure she spends plenty of time outdoors, which will camouflage the circles more.

I would really worry about the precedent of telling a 10-year-old child that her appearance isn't good enough but she can fix it with a beauty product. While it's at completely the other end of the spectrum, ultimately it's the same underlying premise as the one behind liposuction and breast implants.

However, no one wants to see their child upset and bullied, especially when there's a solution so readily available. And if your child had alopecia I don't thin you'd get one single YABU if you posted about asking if it was ok for your DD to wear a wig.

I think the thing to do here is to treat the dark circles as part of her health problems rather than talking about it solely in terms of her appearance IYSWIM. Dark circles caused from allergies can be really dark, more so than you'd normally just get from hereditary factors or lack of sleep, etc. Therefore, you could argue that the problem is just another side-effect of her allergies, and just as you treat the runny nose with antihistamine, you treat the circles with concealer (though try the 'natural' fixes of decongestant and outdoor time too).

If it were my DD, I'd let her wear it, provided you could put it on so that it wasn't noticeable. At the same time I'd try to make it a health problem rather than a cosmetic one so that she's not getting the message that she has to alter her perfectly acceptable appearance to suit other people's views of what is beauty.

OP-have you also tried cucumber/cold teabags?

(Possibly only old wives tales-but then I am an old wife)

YADNBU.

'YABU for writing the longest, most defensive, plaintive and self-justifying opening post in known Mumsnet history (Mumsnet HQ please confirm).'

Will I get a certificate for that do you think Proudnscary? Maybe something I can put on my profile so I can show off?

I didn't think it was that long, I bloody put paragraphs, capital letters and everythink in

Some people are never satisfied.

Ragged, maybe because I also agree with posters who are saying IABU, I don't feel like I've taken a heavyweight pasting.

I was surprised at how understanding and kind people have been about it, because of the subject rather than it being in AIBU, it's been helpful in sorting out all the jumble of things I spewed out in my overly long, defensive and self indulgent OP.

Many children start wearing light makeup in Y7, which is 11, I think it's fine.