To let my 10 YO DD wear make up to school?

[TryingToBeRealistic]

I've namechanged because I'm not stupid, and there's a possibility I might be BU

I don't notice them, (and it obviously wouldn't make any difference to the way I feel about her if I did) but DD is really bothered by the darkish skin under her eyes.

I got some 'touch of light' concealer yesterday and DD asked to try it, it got rid of the dark under her eyes and you couldn't tell she had it on.

The bit of trouble at school she's had with a few other DC (which the school has dealt with very well, but it's not gone away) has left her with her confidence dented.

Despite this, she's a very grounded and far from being a shallow person, that she's not into so called celebrities/fame/money/looks might explain why she has clashed with some 'popular' girls at school.

She knows you don't judge books by their covers, but she's getting to an age where she's finding it hard to brush off any comments about her appearance.

We've talked about how she's not responsible for their remarks and it's a reflection on them, and 'they' pick up on anything/nothing, but that advice isn't much help when you're in the situation and feeling crap.

If it were her shoes causing her grief, I'd change them.

If she wanted her hair a different way, I'd have no problem with that.

As I said above, I'm not an idiot, and know it's about far more than just a concealer -

--I don't want her to start wearing make up and not feel able to stop.

--me saying yes is saying I think she's not OK as she is, and lumps me in with the girls at school.

--it ultimately won't change how other people are with her. 

So given that I understand the reasons why it might not be a good idea, and that I'm trying to be realistic about what it feels like to be 10 YO and at school - trying to fit in but also trying to be confident about who you are - I'm kind of being swayed towards letting her put it on (if she wants to/remembers)?

AIBU?

Is it LeQ making you cry?

LeQ your Mum had balls of steel! Hats off to that approach.

Oh come on- it is just a LITTLE bit mad

It's the equivalent of wearing a big Kick Me sign and handing a sweet out to the first person to floor you. In an empowering sort of way, of course....

I don't think YABU. People on here have said in other posts that they would allow a ten year old to remove dark hair on her legs or face if it bothered her. Letting DD wear some cover up isn't evil at all.

SHe's 10....she'll bee hitting puberty soon and if it makes her feel more confident what'ss wrong with it? Nothing.

I would allow it. I just would. I was never allowed ANYTHING "fashionable" nd I fully remember how sad it made me. I wanted short hair andearrings like my mates...I wanted to wear tight skirts and little high heels....nope! it was M and frigging S all the way....I would really have benefitted from a little leway.

I have very dark circles under my eyes and although I dont think I need to go out with a bag over my head, I am concious of it and have been since young. That said, Im not sure using concealer is the answer. The dark rings can be inherited - my nana has them too if all other reasons have been ruled out then it may be she is stuck with them, if she uses concealer to hide something that is not going to go away, then at 12 when she gets spots - is she going to want to up the ante... then when the girls are brown is she going to want to have fake tan etc.

I know your saying OP, but your little girl would be better off been encouraged to accept who she is, that she is beautiful and the people who say things to her at school be dealt with appropriately, rather than her going down the "oh i need my face on" route.

Especially at ten.

IMHO

:)

OP - I can understand exactly why you want to do this, and it's obviously your choice. I hate teasing (was teased/bullied myself at school due to untrendy clothes etc) and a lot of it comes down to what kids hear from adults.
You only have to watch some of these awful Reality progs to realise that looks/trendy clothes are being used as a yardstick by parents, never mind kids, and you see where the unkindness is coming from.
As for LeQ's mum's solution to the braces - I'm rather confused as to what I think about that

I wouldn't see it as being make up, in the vacuous fashion sense, but more like someone with a burn or birthmark covering it up . and Not because they are ashamed of it either, but just because they want to be recognised for themselves, and not defined by that one thing every time to everyone they meet.

Does that make sense... Too tired to think.

LeQ's Mum's strategy, while admirable and cool does somehow remind me of the time during my liberal / lefty teaching degree when we were told to help the children get over their embarrassment before the sex-ed classes by letting them scrawl all the rude words they knew on poster-sized paper and displaying them around the room. So that we could get on with the theory.

Now this may have worked in the 1970's when the worst thing one would expect an eleven-year-old to articulate was, "willy". "Fanny" at a push.

But these days? Having the classroom festooned with, "prick", "wanker" and CUUUUUUNNNTTT!!!" in fluorescent bubble writing wouldn't look too good at any time although I am often sorely tempted to try it out just before the end of year parent consultations.

She is starting on the hormonal route Mumbling, it's not going to be long before we go first bra shopping.

Noooo, she's just a baby!

She's also started crying for no reason at all, poor love.

I made the most incredibly unfashionable choices for shoes/bags etc at 11 or 12 YO and had the piss mercilessly ripped out of me for it. I would spare her that if what she wanted wasn't an unreasonable ask.

She is beautiful (obviously ), and sees things she likes when she looks in the mirror.

Because of the bland jeans and t shirt type of person I am, she doesn't set much store by the mindset who think she should have false nails (another one she's had thrown at her, but this is by the girl who reckoned she got £100 pocket money a week and who likes bragging her dad is in the council ).

Yes, that makes complete sense iFailed.

Well it wouldn't have worked in my school. But I can see you pulling it off, LeQ.

Fnarrrrrr

Well of course LeQ shone in English (given), drama (no comment) and art (Fellatio and LeQueen interiors / Farrow and Ball)

Concealer isn't a bad plan, OP. I once read a book about Christina Onassis and she was an unfortunate-looking child mainly because of her teeth, nose and dark circles. Very much her father's daughter. I don't know what she had done about the under-eye stuff but she became a very attractive young woman.

Same here except I'm also shite at choosing paint colours.

I'd let her wear a bit concealer.
I also have dark circles under my eyes, all my mams side of our family do. I also had awful acne from the age of 11. I was shy and had no confidence at all at school, I felt like the laughing stock of the class (also had a brace and frizzy hair so I probably was!).
At 14 I started wearing concealer, and it made a massive difference to my confidence, I wish my mam had let me wear it earlier.
I went to a strict school that used to make girls go and wash their face if they were caught wearing make up and I did worry about that happening but not enough to stop wearing it, the humliation of my acne was worse. But I never got told to clean it off as it was just concealer, I was never caked in make up, I just wanted to look 'normal', so it was never noticeable.

YANBU. You have made a measured decision based on what your daughter is experiencing through these girls. I personally seem no harm in it.

Have you heard of allergic shiners though? I know you mentioned your DD has hayfever and other allergies. Worth looking at , as it's a sign that they have high histamine in their bodies. My DS has dreadful dark circles after having a reaction to something.

yanbu. Can't believe you've come in for such a pasting given the background. Heck (slacker mum here) I let DD (almost 10) wear make up just because she fancies it; I hope she'll get told off if it's school time, but mostly I barely notice and can't be bothered to police something I rarely notice.

As it happens DD has a very long-term (2 yrs?) spot on her nose (did not respond to topical or oral antibiotics and don't to keep drowning her in them). We are now on the acne cream for it... but I do keep meaning to get her some concealer because the other kids have commented.

I never wear makeup myself, not in the last 30 years. I gleefully take the P out of women who look too "perfect", too.