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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the health visitor should have at least pretended to care!

20 replies

lisad123 · 21/09/2011 16:17

I haven't seen my health visitor in almost 2 years! They know I have 2 dds with autism and that dh has cancer. I called to ask about nappies for dd2, and explained I have to go into hospital on Friday for a small op, her answer was "oh ok, will send that form for you bye"! Shock

Aibu to think she should atleast enquire how we are all coping?!

OP posts:
cansu · 21/09/2011 16:22

YANBU but unfortunately this has been my experience also. I have two dc with asd and when I confided that I was still struggling psychologically with the diagnosis she told me she would enquire about counselling for me - this was five years ago and I have never heard from her since! I don't think this is how it should be and I think there must be some good ones out there. I sometimes wonder whether she was actually embarrassed by my being upset and felt unequipped to help?? Hope your op goes well lisad.

cestlavielife · 21/09/2011 16:24

you are only one on her caseload. if you havent seen her for two years she mnight just think you fine and coping.

i am afraid it is up to you to call her and say "i am not coping can you help with xxxx or yyyy"

but rather than hv, do contact the children with disabiltiies team at social services for an assessment of your needs, given the extra caring needs due to h's illness. disabled childrens team have more access to certain services than hv.

but they work on same principle - if you dont ask you dont get. up to you to say what you need and how they can help.

aldiwhore · 21/09/2011 16:24

YANBU.

WIBU to ask how you are all coping? Sounds very stressful.... Good luck on Friday and hope you get some support if you need it ASAP.

porcamiseria · 21/09/2011 16:27

bless, yanby to feel this way, ask for help and good luck with DH. sorry its all bit much x

Original poster
lisad123 · 21/09/2011 16:28

I called disabled childrens team months ago and they told us the girls are bad enough to warrant their imput!
I'm ok an coping but I do think that they should atleast enquire, I know plenty of parents who put on a front but if you asked them outright they wouldn't deny that things are slipping, and think it's risky to assume that if I haven't called, that I'm fine!

OP posts:
cansu · 21/09/2011 16:28

It's not about not coping surely its about being caring. Any health professional should be able to show compassion and caring by asking how you are managing and if there's anything they can do to help!

whackamole · 21/09/2011 18:33

YANBU.

I'm am always shocked with stories about Hvs, mainly because the ones at my GP office are brilliant. When I had the boys 2 year check earlier on this year, she asked me about their speech and said to contact her after the summer holidays if I was concerned at all. I got a call yesterday, from another member of the team, who was picking up her caseload as she had been signed off sick for a bit. She was so lovely, and she has never even met me or my children before!

MangoMonster · 21/09/2011 18:48

Mines the same... Just looks at me blanking while I answer her questions so she can update my book every year...

pink4ever · 21/09/2011 19:00

I was lucky in that I had in the main a very nice hv. When she phoned regarding a random enquiry regarding ds1 and I told her I had just lost ds2,she came straight round. Even though I am not with the practise she works for so technically not really her patient.
Whenever she had to do the routine checks on the dcs she always stayed for a cuppa and a chat.
The only slight thing that irked me about her was that she was always asking when I intended to go back to work-am sahm.
I am Shock that your hv couldnt even take the time to show a bit of common courtesy. Can you change hv?

ChippingIn · 21/09/2011 19:15

Lisa - I think most of them would be better suited to a job that has no customer interface and had nothing to do with children. I honestly do not know how so many of them stay in their jobs. It must really do the heads in of the few good HV's :(

We haven't spoken in a while... how are you doing? How is DH at the moment?

I hope your little op goes OK and once again, I'm sorry we don't live closer to one another.

MeconiumHappens · 21/09/2011 19:37

Perhaps she was in the middle of a visit, sat in someones front room, or in a child protection conference etc etc. I thought HV's run clinic where you drop in if you have any problems/call if you have any problems. Is she supposed to be a mind reader?

Original poster
lisad123 · 21/09/2011 19:38

Dh is doing well but girls have had a hard time dealing with school holidays and now my heart op Sad
We don't have named Hv here, just a team of them.
I wonder sometimes how these people ended up as Hv?
I had one of the parents I work with today come and tell me they have expressed concern her LO might have autism (she didnt know about my girls) and Hv has told her they will watch and wait!! Confused needless to say I gave mum a list of things to do including insisting on referral, referring her to speech and tell her to start a behavioural diary!

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123 · 21/09/2011 19:38

She called me, as I had left a message on Monday.

OP posts:
TheGhostNotMe · 21/09/2011 20:16

OP, how old are your DDs? Only HV routinely only deal with children up to school age (round here records get archived or sent to school nurses after their 4th birthday) so it may be that the HV didnt know you or your children.

2rebecca · 21/09/2011 20:32

If you haven't seen your HV for 2 years then she probably doesn't remember you as she will have seen lots of families in those 2 years. If your husband has developed cancer in the past 2 years then she probably knows nothing about it as he is not on her case list.
In our area they spend alot of time dealing with families of drug addicts and alcoholics. If you need a HV you do have to contact them, not expect them to know you need help. Phone her, you may find she is very sympathetic if you tell her what is going on rather than just asking for nappies.
She maybe didn't want you to think she was being nosy or intrusive.

Original poster
lisad123 · 21/09/2011 20:38

She does know dh has cancer it's been ongoing for 2.5 years and they know the girls have Asd as she did referral for assessment and thats why we are applying for nappies and knew dd1 did have too.

OP posts:
saladsandwich · 21/09/2011 21:30

yanbu my health visitor as been very very good to me and my ds far too good to us, i ring her if there's a problem no matter how small or trivial, shes arranged everything for my ds, caf meeting, speech therapy, commuity peadiatric refferal, would be lost without her really and will be sad when ds starts schol and his care is transfered to the school nurse i know how lucky we are to have her help us.

one hv i saw at the clinic once was extremely rude to me and if she was my hv i wouldnt have let her in my house.

Birdsgottafly · 21/09/2011 21:58

HV should visit a DC with disabilities for up to 7 years old, as routine or pass it over to a TAC team (or similar depending on the classification under the LA), because the OP partner has an illness and now the OP also, there should have been a visit generated. As three 'issues' are flagging up.

The least that should be done is for the family to go yearly review but if the DC's are younger, it should be more.

Now the OP has been in touch a visit should be made.

So the HV service is at fault. It is not for someone who is struggling to get into contact.

OP- Do you contact them via the Childrens Center, can you call in, to have a chat with someone?

You can re-refer via careline, also.

fleurdemaquis · 21/09/2011 22:18

Surely a health professional should know that often the worse someone is doing, the less likely they are to ask for help?

I've been really REALLY low and could barely function let alone get myself to a clinic.

Original poster
lisad123 · 21/09/2011 22:21

Should have been clear dd2 is just 4. I just call them via office number, haven't physically seen anyone in about 2 years when they did her 2 year check and referred her (I insisted on her 2 year check done at 2 and not 2.5)
I just think in my job I would always check on a family with this much going on, but maybe that's just me Sad

OP posts:
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