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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to write a letter of complaint

138 replies

GingerLa · 20/09/2011 19:38

Im not one for complaining, never have been and to be honest am not even sure If complains are taken seriously at big companies so really is there much point?

Got the bus this morning to meet my sister and take our 2 lo's to playgroup anyway Im sure those of us who use public transport know how difficult it can be travelling by bus with a lo.

The bus driver had been particularly grumpy and rude up to this point but some are so I didnt take much notice until he turned n shouted 'Oi, put your push chair down' I didnt reply immediately as I didnt expect him to speak to me like that. Id already moved into the aisle with my 'quite small' pushchair and was talking with the lady who had been sat near me as we had moved to make room for the wheel chair to manouver in and there was still room for my pushchair.... He shouted again and said will you fold your pushchair down.. my immediate reaction was no, (not out of being selfish or awkward but there were no seats I wouldnt be able to hold my pushchair, toddler ds who was already fed up, bags, coats etc on a bus that had no seats and with a driver who had been going quite fast, n we were still far from where I needed to b)

Anyway with that e looked at me in disgust and turned to the person in the wheelchair n ppl with her and said sorry, I cant let you on, she (nodding at me) wont even put her pushchair down for you to get on!!! he repeated that to the others waiting alongside the person in the wheelchair when they protested. I was still baffeled, as were ppl around me so the next I knew one of the women who had been waiting had got on the bus and walked up to me (still stood in the aisle) and said.. well move then, what am i meant to do with you stood there.. move now!! clearly influenced by the way the driver had spoken about me.....

Now I moved back where I had been and the bus driver drove on an continued being an idiot but he made me feel horrible and even worse made me look this way infront of my ds who understood everything.. I know this may be small fish for some but I do all I can to help ppl n would never ever be so insensitive! Others on the bus were shocked by the drivers actions and the annoying fact is Ive been on buses with a wheelchair and pushchair on them and they fit ok... dependant on type of wheelchair and as I work in a hospice I know the wheelchair that wanted to get on was small enough to fit!

So do I complain or is it not worth it?

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 21/09/2011 12:11

fold the fucking buggy. yep, it's a pain in the arse, and as a mum of 2 los who rregularly uses the bus, i do get that. however, WHEELCHAIR WINS!

TandB · 21/09/2011 12:12

It was the blackboard ruler when I was at infant school. I can still remember it - it was a metre long and blue and white stripes.

[shudders]

Flisspaps · 21/09/2011 12:12

I see GingerLa hasn't been back to collect her roasting.

TheControversialJessie · 21/09/2011 12:14

That's because she's probably shaking with so much laughter, she can't type.

Whoever s/he is.

TandB · 21/09/2011 12:15

She has a posting history - not a long one so presumably a new member or a namechanger. But nothing to suggest she is trolling.

TheControversialJessie · 21/09/2011 12:22

It's just too, too, too Bingo.

I refuse to believe anyone is this genuinely selfish. Especially a "hospice worker".

RockChick1984 · 21/09/2011 12:22

I'm confused, I've not got a bus in years but don't they still have the big luggage thingies so you can fold a pram and plonk it in there? I know that the pram I had when my ds was newborn couldn't have been folded down for a bus ride as you had to take off about 3 separate parts then just fold the frame down, but I drive or walk everywhere so never had a problem, if I knew I was going to be using public transport I would have taken this into account when choosing my pram!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/09/2011 12:29

Kungfupannda - I think your posts from 9.22 and 9.24 should be amalgamated and posted on every thread where someone thinks they shouldn't have to fold their buggy to accomodate a wheelchair user.

I really cannot understand how anyone can see a wheelchair user left behind at a bus stop because they refused to fold their buggy, and still feel so aggrieved by the situation that they think it's a good idea to come and complain about it on the internet!! Tbh that shows a degree of stupidity and insensitiveness that really shouldn't be allowed to reproduce or raise the next generation - so I do hope the OP's not for real!

TandB · 21/09/2011 12:31

SDTG - that is the thing that really puzzled me! If I had temporarily gone mad behaved like this I would be praying that no-one ever, ever found out about it. Every time I thought about it I would do a little internal cringe and try to put it out of my mind.

I certainly wouldn't be seeking support for my actions on MN!

Honeydragon · 21/09/2011 12:43

Jessie, if you got on the bus with twins in a double, I'd immediately fold for you. Just as you'd get off if you perceived someone's greater need than yours.

I think the two things that annoyed me about this op were her comment that the wheelchair user asked her to move because she had been emboldened by the bus driver. In other words the disabled should be silent and unobtrusive .....superb attitude and tolerance there

and

the op couldn't fold her pram because she had her coat on it. Her coat. WTF! How did she carry her bag & coat before she heroically expelled spawn from her uterus and a benevolent God bestowed upon her a pushchair.

Rule 1) of public transport: If you have ran out of hands make eye contact with the first little old lady/gentleman who has been smiling at your baby / toddler and say "would you mind.....", they never do. Neither Ds nor DD has been kidnapped yet. Given sweets yes, but not kidnapped.

Rule 2) if someone offers to help, thank them and let them. They are offering because they want to

Half of these ops are always by people who think everyone but them is an arse. I bet people would have helped as soon as she started to struggle, but she didn't even try.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 21/09/2011 13:31

My buggy is a nightmare to fold. Add to that a 3 yo and a 1yo who I would have to try and manage while folding it and I just wouldn't bother. I WOULD however be more than happy to get off and walk if a wheelchair user needed the space as it is not anyone elses fault that I have chosen to have 2 kids close in age/shopping/an impractical pushchair.

I think the OP could have easily made the situation a complete non issue had she communicated to the driver that she was sure her pushchair and the wheelchair would fit. The driver wouldn't have assumed the OP was being awkward, the person using the wheelchair would have got on the bus and the onlookers would have realised she wasn't being a selfish arse. The OP created the whole situation herself imo.

Kladdkaka · 21/09/2011 13:32

I agree with the OP. What a disgraceful thing to happen to you. I don't think you should write and complain to the bus company though, they won't care. I think you should contact you local newspaper and get them to run a story on it. But first, lodge a complaint with the Equalities and Human Rights Commssion to give your story more weight.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/09/2011 13:35

Kladdkaka - I might be wrong here, but I have a little suspicion that you are trying to get the OP into trouble. Tsk! WinkGrin

Kladdkaka · 21/09/2011 13:49

I don't use a pram but I am seriously starting to wonder if they sell them with some sort of built-in system that causes instant helplessness and chronic me-me-me syndrome. Can someone clarify if this is the case or if there simply are that many inherently selfish and clueless people out there?

I think the problem is that parents with small children have been able to hang onto the coat tails of disabled people and benefit from the adjustments they have fought for. This creates a boundary issue for some confused people who then think their priviledge equates (or overrides) the disabled person's rights.

And it's not just buses. I've experienced similar attitudes with disabled toilets, which often have baby changing tables thus turning them into family toilets. And we've all read the lifts thread and the numerous p&c v bb parking threads.

The back lash will eventually be that these priviledges will be removed for all parents with child/pram users, even the considerate ones. It's already beginning with some bus companies blanket banning unfolded pushchairs, regardless of free space, as the only way of protecting disabled travellers' rights.

Kladdkaka · 21/09/2011 13:51

Kladdkaka - I might be wrong here, but I have a little suspicion that you are trying to get the OP into trouble. Tsk!

Moi?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 21/09/2011 14:06

Kladdkaka Grin

I don't know about built in systems in prams but they seem to give out sense of entitlements to parents upon their baby being born. Luckily some choose not to accept it but there are enough that do.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 21/09/2011 14:06

Sorry about the bad grammar Blush

pictish · 21/09/2011 14:25

Our local bus company have some new buses with a wheelchair space AND a buggy space. How good is that?!

nailak · 21/09/2011 17:50

all bus companies should do that imo.

what if you run out of hands and noone else is on the bus? would you put your 6 week old on seat/floor?

Honeydragon · 21/09/2011 18:11

nailik, if no one else is on the bus why would you have to fold? Confused

nailak · 21/09/2011 20:56

because the pram wouldnt fit past the shopping bags in the aisle so i asked to get on back doors and was told policy is only double pushchairs allowed on back door.

nailak · 21/09/2011 20:57

even the police had a go at busdriver, saying why did you make her fold when you could have just let her on and saved all this hassle

nailak · 21/09/2011 20:59

and another thing, i had a large pram because it what was given to me second hand by family, now i also have a large pram because it was donated to me. it might not be the most practical but i couldnt afford the price of a travel system for my ds when he was born, and the lighter more practical ones you can fold one handed are also often the most expensi

cerealqueen · 21/09/2011 21:07

YABU... when you've got a buggy you need to be on your toes as to when you might have to put it down. I imagine the driver was a bit exasperated then bloody pissed off that he had to tell you. I think people on the bus were shocked that you had not put your buggy down for a wheelchair user TBH.

PeneloPeePitstop · 21/09/2011 21:07

Absolutely you should complain.

Having a pram is just like being disabled. You're restricted in exactly the same way. It's so hard for mums.

Hmm