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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate the bloody chinese whispers-style gossip in DH's family

18 replies

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 12:31

They are all always gossiping about each other in a he said/she said fashion, but this is the first time I've been subject to it...

SIL offered to take DD1 (age just 3) swimming with her DC age 9,8 and 7. My DD2 had an ear infection and couldn't go in the water so I had to sit with her. I was watching from the viewing gallery and SIL was basically ignoring all the kids, sat on the side chatting to her friend. My DD1 was either copying her cousins and jumping off the side or was left alone while the older kids swam off and she was just bobbing around in her swimming vest. SIL didn't play with her or help her at all. In the end I took DD2 down to the edge of the pool so I could keep an eye on her. In her defence I think, having older kids, she had just forgotten what it's like looking after a toddler.

I didn't say anything to SIL just made a mental note not to do it again! And told DH what had happened later on when he asked.

Now it turns out DH told his mum, who told SIL who texted DH saying she was v insulted and how dare we judge her parenting!?

Now it's turned into some massive deal and I just can't be bothered with it! MIL and SIL are always falling out with each other over something one of them has supposedly said about the other. Now it feels they have both turned on me! I don't get why MIL would have said anything to SIL about it to begin with anyway, surely she doesn't want her kids to fall out?

AIBU to just ignore the bloody lot of them?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 20/09/2011 12:34

Your DH was BU to mention it in the first place if he knows what his family are like.

Diamondsareagirls · 20/09/2011 12:35

This happens all the time with my ILs and I feel exactly the same as you! I can't be bothered with all of the drama they like to create. I would have a word with you DH about the need to keep somethings between the two of you though as he must be fed up with all of the falling outs as well!

squeakytoy · 20/09/2011 12:37

Your husband stirred the pot... he is your problem. Grin

booyhoo · 20/09/2011 12:38

erm, it was your DH wo said to MIL whyaren'tyou havingthis discussion with him? he started th chinese whispers. surely youshould be saying "why did DH tell his mum, des he want his wife and sster ofall out?"

eurochick · 20/09/2011 12:40

The problem is that your husband passed on what you said.

nokissymum · 20/09/2011 12:42

Its your dh's fault, not mil, he obviously told her as their mother, and expected her to do something about it. There is no way most mil's woud have just kept quiete and done nothing.

You should have cautioned dh not to discuss it with his family (bearing in mind all gossip/tensions in his family already) as its not a big deal, you handled the situation well and wont be making that mistake next time, but just wanted him to know.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do now, damage has already been done, best to just let it all blow over, another "gossip" will be round the corner soon Wink

Original poster
cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 12:43

Tbh he is the worst of the lot, he's a bloody motormouth! He claimed he didn't say anything bad then admitted he said to his mum that SIL had 'ignored DD1' but claims he said it jokingly, not seriously Hmm I would like to bang their heads together all 3 of them! They are all the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 12:43

Tbh he is the worst of the lot, he's a bloody motormouth! He claimed he didn't say anything bad then admitted he said to his mum that SIL had 'ignored DD1' but claims he said it jokingly, not seriously Hmm I would like to bang their heads together all 3 of them! They are all the same.

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booyhoo · 20/09/2011 12:48

my mum's family is a bit like this. they all talk about each other and then my mum has the cheek to gossip to me about them and then say "now dont yoube talking about this on FB or anything" Shock thank god i take after my dad. i dont even want to hear the gossip in the first place let alone be involved in repeating it.

aldiwhore · 20/09/2011 12:52

Send them both a text message saying that you didn't realise a throw away comment was significant enough to be reported back and that your DH got EVERYTHING wrong.... he'd misheard/misinterpreted what you said, when what you ACTUALLY said to him was self mocking 'I'm so nuerotic your poor sister must think I thought she wasn't doing well enough'......

Okay so its bollocks, but it makes your DH look stupid, and he should feel stupid.

Original poster
cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 12:57

Booyhoo, I'm the same, don't even want to hear the gossip! Whenever I hear MIL running down SIL to me yet again about something her boyfriend/the lady over the road said she did or said it just makes me think if that's what she said about her own daughter then what does she say about me when I'm not there?!

I think some people just like a little drama in their lives, or like something to get offended about. Eg I can never keep up with whether MIL and her sister are talking or not.

I think my family are either thick-skinned or just boring. We never comment on each others' lives and never really fall out.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 12:57

Booyhoo, I'm the same, don't even want to hear the gossip! Whenever I hear MIL running down SIL to me yet again about something her boyfriend/the lady over the road said she did or said it just makes me think if that's what she said about her own daughter then what does she say about me when I'm not there?!

I think some people just like a little drama in their lives, or like something to get offended about. Eg I can never keep up with whether MIL and her sister are talking or not.

I think my family are either thick-skinned or just boring. We never comment on each others' lives and never really fall out.

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HerHissyness · 20/09/2011 12:58

Why do I get the sense of impending doom about this thread?

to say your sister IGNORED your child in water is a pretty serious thing to say. IGNORED.

Nope, even putting a silly hat on, stating I'm mad me and giggling like a schoolgirl can I make the word IGNORED come out jokingly.

Does your DH make a habit of pissing off people in your name?

Blueberties · 20/09/2011 13:01

Husbands are totally useless. Even if you tell him in future not to say anything he will be thinking so hard about not saying anything it will just be the first thing blurted out. Just don't tell him anything you don't want your mother or sister in law to hear about. Men don't

nokissymum · 20/09/2011 13:03

Cheese - why is everything you're posting appearing twice ?

booyhoo · 20/09/2011 13:05

nice generalisation you have made there blueberties Hmm

husbands aren't useless (not that it should need pointed out) some husbands are and some wives are, and notbecause theyare husbands or wivesbutbecase they, as individuals ae useless.

Original poster
cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 13:12

Sorry- my blackberry likes to randomly double post sometimes Blush

I've texted SIL and said I think someone got the wrong end of the stick and I would never insult her parenting, I was just telling DH how DD was a bit too overexcited and kept copying her cousins and doing things she probably shouldn't and that's why I came down to watch her.

Am hoping it will just blow over... And yes will never tell DH things I don't want repeated to the entire family ever again!

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Original poster
cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 20/09/2011 13:12

Sorry- my blackberry likes to randomly double post sometimes Blush

I've texted SIL and said I think someone got the wrong end of the stick and I would never insult her parenting, I was just telling DH how DD was a bit too overexcited and kept copying her cousins and doing things she probably shouldn't and that's why I came down to watch her.

Am hoping it will just blow over... And yes will never tell DH things I don't want repeated to the entire family ever again!

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