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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have my son 'pair up' anymore when the other child doesn't bring in the stuff

24 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 19/09/2011 15:43

My son has started his option this year, he's year 10. They had to make a curry this week. All this goes into their portfolios towards the final grade.

My son was meant to take in Chicken breast for him and this other boy and the other boy was meant to bring in rice and a jar or curry. (the jar of curry to me is not 'cooking' and that is a whole different issue )

Anyway this boy turned up empty handed. The teacher gave them rice and that was it, so this boy has walked off with half the chicken breats, which I paid for and in their portfolio is a picture of dry chicken and dry rice.

When my son first told me he was pairing up and they HAD to both bring in the different ingredients I said no way for this very reason.

So what do I do next time. Send my son in with ALL the ingredients so this boy builds his portfolio based on ingredients I have provided, or tell him he is not pairing up in future.

I know it sounds petty but there will be ALOT of cooking the next 2 years, moreso that theory.

The boys excuse was he told his mum and she just didnt buy it.

OP posts:

woollyideas · 19/09/2011 15:45

Quite possibly he told his mum at 8 o'clock in the morning on the day he was cooking... Why don't you ask for the other parent's phone number and liaise on the phone?

bigTillyMint · 19/09/2011 15:46

That's a tricky one. It's not the boy's fault if the mum is flaky, but maybe it was him that forgot to tell his mum.

I would give it another go and if it happens again, I would contact the teacher about it.

pippilongsmurfing · 19/09/2011 15:48

Can you speak to the teacher doing the classes?
Obviously you don't want to have to send your DS in with someone else's DS's half of the ingredients EVERY time.

Or can he pair up with someone else?

I think it boils down to, do you think it will happen again? If so then nip it in the bud.

seeker · 19/09/2011 15:48

I would see whether it happens again. It might be a one off. Next time make sure your son has what he is supposed to bring for the pair of them and whatever else he needs for himself, but tell him to keepnthe other bits in his bag until he knownwhether the other boy has brought in his share.

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 19/09/2011 15:49

Well it shouldn't be up to the mum in year 10, should it then? I would hope teenagers that age are capable to go to the shops themselves to buy a jar.

Shiny, was this the first time it happened? Maybe it was just a mistake. I would send your son in next time with whatever he needs. If it happens again I would then tell your son to talk to the teacher. In year ten he should do this himself in my opinion.

Could the boy be poor enough to seriously not be able to afford cooking like this?

twilight3 · 19/09/2011 15:49

these are year 10 kids, he should really take some responsibility for himself! I really don't know what you can do... i say give it another chance and then speak to the teacher if it happens again.

"my mummy didn't buy them" is a pathetic excuse for a 15 yo

CaymansBound · 19/09/2011 15:49

I think contact the teacher now and ask how can your son's grades not be compromised by another child. Not petty at all - presumably they will be graded on their portfolio and will want to have enough work to pick from to ensure a good grade so am not sure I would want to let it slide beyond a week.

You don't have to be mean about it, just ask teacher what solution can be found to this e.g. swapping partners/going it alone so it isn't a problem in the future.

nocake · 19/09/2011 15:50

It is not at all reasonable that your son will be penalised for another child's failure so I think you need to talk to the school. TBH it's very odd that they're pairing up to cook. It's been a few (cough) years since I was cooking at school but we each had to work on our own with our own ingredients.

cory · 19/09/2011 15:51

Your son is in Yr 10: surely it is up to him to speak to the teacher about this problem and how it affects his ability to do a decent portfolio?

caughtinanet · 19/09/2011 15:57

I don't have a 15 year old so don't know how capable they should be wrt to speaking to the teacher themselves but I'd feel the same as you and probably would have a quiet word with the teacher.

I can see that they are trying to save parents money but it's your child who's suffering for getting a possibly useless partner.

ENormaSnob · 19/09/2011 15:57

Yanbu

I would speak to the school.

Original poster

Shinyshoes1 · 19/09/2011 16:00

he did speak to her , she said she was going to fail him on this particulare peice. He was livid and wanted me to intervene.

I rung the head of his house and she siad that she had given them the missing ingredients.

She didnt give him all the missing ingredients she gave him rice and that's it. Well that's something I suppose.

I'm doubled up on the chicken breasts to cover this other boys half.

My ds1 has now told me the boy told him he is poor and couldn't afford it.

Now what the hell do I do. I'm not prepared to carry this boy for the next 2 years becuse his mum can't afford a jar of curry and some rice. Call me heartless be we are ALL trying to keep our head above water and tbh I would have sent him in with chicken thighs as they are cheaper but it's not up to me.

OP posts:

caughtinanet · 19/09/2011 16:06

Humm, you now have a different issue, either your son or the teacher is lying about the ingredients - I'd definitely be wanting to get to the bottom of that.

The school must have some kind of arrangement for parents who can't afford the ingredients - is it a state school?

theincredibequeenofwands · 19/09/2011 16:07

I'd give the child one more chance and if he messes up again just send your son in with all of the ingredients but just enough for him to use.

Then send in a note explaining why.

I think that's fair enough.

stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 19/09/2011 16:10

ds2 school asked for 50p for 'cooking' then provided everything, saved all the hassle and the school could follow up those who didn't bring the cash. I say 'cooking' as I too was at some of the things they cobbled together made.

Original poster

Shinyshoes1 · 19/09/2011 16:11

yes its a state school.
I give it one more , if this boy fails yet again to bring in stuff then i'm in there complaining and telling them this isnt going to continue they need to sort something.

Thanks guys

OP posts:

JambalayaCodfishPie · 19/09/2011 16:14

Speak to the school. The food tech department will have a kitty (we do) that is used to pay for the ingredients of children who struggle. Its not to be used every week, they arent 'paid for' but is used if the child is really struggling.

TBH, im baffled as to why they are buddied up at Yr10 - and REALLY cannot understand the reasoning of the teacher who wants to fail your son for fulfilling his end of the bargain!

rookiemater · 19/09/2011 16:15

YANBU. I would speak to the school again to confirm if your son is being failed for this exercise, if he is I would kick up a complete stink. It is not acceptable that your son is being held accountable for another child and that is the key issue here.
If it was my child I would not be waiting for another week to pass, nor would I be providing all the ingrediants. If the deal is that your DC brings in X and the other child Y, it is the school's responsibility to figure out what to do in the event that one child does not bring his bits in, also how to work it if someone can't afford to bring stuff in.

The side issues of why in hells name they count pouring a jar of sauce over chicken breasts with no vegetables as cooking or learning to prepare a nutritous meal is perhaps for another time.

DoesItWearingWellies · 19/09/2011 16:38

I agree with rookie totally.

I also don't understand why the other boy took an option that meant he had to buy ingredients if he knew he/his family wouldn't be able to afford it? If I had been his mum, I'd be telling him to take another option

LineRunner · 19/09/2011 16:43

Well really she should have been teaching them how to mix spices and oil to form a curry paste.

AKMD · 19/09/2011 16:44

YANBU and good for you for kicking up a stink. I totally agree with what wearingwellies said too - some options are expensive, state school or not. The other boy's parents should have been in contact with the school before now to work out an agreement whereby their son could do this option without expecting another child to pay for it.

Some options are a bit ridiculous on the group work aspect anyway (thinking of drama here) and one person not pulling their weight can seriously affect the grades that everyone in the group gets. Not fair IMO.

slavetofilofax · 19/09/2011 17:00

I agree that you should complain all the way about this and shouldn't have to prop up someone elses child - whatever the reason.

I just wanted to add, that when I did GCSE cookery we had to do stuff with jars and ready meals. It was all about comparing all the alternatives to home cooking I think. I remember doing spaghetti carbonara! Had to have a ready meal, fresh ready made sauce, fresh bought pasta, home made pasta, home made sauce, and sauce out of a jar.

Maybe your ds's project is something like that?

5Foot5 · 19/09/2011 17:05

I still think it is a bit odd to pair up for ingredients. Even if this boy had fulfilled his part of the bargain wouldn't you have still been stumping up most of the cost if you provided chicken for two and he just had to bring a jar of sauce and some rice?

Maybe the teacher thinks there is too much sauce in a jar for a dish for one so pairing up means less waste or less expense, but I still think this is flawed reasoning.

I did O level cookery back in the 70s. We often did dishes that would server a whole family but then you were expected to take it home and Mum would reheat it and that was what we had for our evening meal.

alemci · 19/09/2011 17:18

I don't think this is on. It would be better if each student bought their own stuff. why should your son miss out. then he could bring the dish home as my kids have done.

Yes I did O level cookery and used to bring it home for the family dinner.

i would complain to the school. In the last school I worked at, if the student didn't bring in their stuff, they were in detention and had to do written work.

This boy's parent/s must have realised that if their son did food tech then he would need to bring in ingredients.

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