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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I probably am but AIBU to put ban on kids in ds' bedroom

25 replies

laptopdancer · 18/09/2011 09:49

Im so sick of them SERIOUSLY trashing his room. Seems to be open slather for the neighbourhood kids and visiting friends.
Each time its like a bombs hit it.

Im not a neat freak and his room generally looks lived in but we are talking drawers all pulled out, books off the shelves all over the floor, all toys severywhere......disaster!

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 18/09/2011 09:50

Yanbu

But yabu to have allowed it In the first place!

slartybartfast · 18/09/2011 09:52

you are perfectly entitled to not allow his friends upstairs.
they obviously dont care in someone else's house.

mrsshears · 18/09/2011 09:52

Yanbu

If they make the mess,they tidy it up or dont play in there.

mousesma · 18/09/2011 09:54

Depends on how old he is if they're not at high school it's a reasonable request. On the downside it will make any playmates harder to ignore if you can't bung them upstairs in the bedroom ;)

spookshowangellovesit · 18/09/2011 09:57

i have a rule if your friends make a mess and you dont get them to tidy it you have to tidy it. it works pretty well.

EdithWeston · 18/09/2011 09:57

I banned certain visitor from DDs bedroom for a while for this. She knew why and didn't make a fuss. I did let her earn visiting rights back, achieved only after some time and other friends visiting with only slight untidiness.

missnevermind · 18/09/2011 10:05

We do not allow visitors up the stairs. At all. We have a downstairs bathroom so is anybody is heard on the stairs they are swiftly reminded.

Original poster

laptopdancer · 18/09/2011 10:09

He is 7 and visitors vary in age from 4-10

OP posts:

Firawla · 18/09/2011 10:14

no yanbu, its fairly common for people to do this isnt it or just tell them to sty in your grden? surely ds is not keen on his things being trashed either?

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 18/09/2011 12:29

Why are random neighbourhood kids coming in your house? I wouldn't let anyone in that is not a friend of his who he has asked specifically to have over. Then when they have been, if there is a mess, he should tidy it up.

When I was younger my mum's rule was that any mess made by a friend had to be tidied up by me. I once had a girl over who got everything out and played with nothing. After having to tidy it all up I decided that I would just play with her at school in future and not have her over again!

My mum has since said that she used to feel a bit guilty imposing that same rule on my brother, because there was one boy who my brother didn't particularly like but because his mum was so lovely and would babysit us at the drop of a hat, my mum every now and again made my brother have him over. Then he would make a mess and my mum would make my brother tidy it up because 'he's your friend!'

DoMeDon · 18/09/2011 12:44

YANBU - you have who you want, where you want in your own home.

Think Spooks approach would work best though.

PurpleLostPrincess · 18/09/2011 12:52

YANBU, when DD1 was about the same age, her cousins came over and trashed the bedroom, completely! The next time they came over I told them nobody was allowed upstairs and that rule stuck for some years. They are all older now and know the rules - if you make a mess, clear it up yourself!

sunnydelight · 18/09/2011 12:56

YANBU and have my total sympathy as that used to drive me nuts. One of the reasons I was so excited to move into a house with a downstairs playroom and loo was that I NEVER allowed visiting kids upstairs again. There were a few who regularly tried but luckily there was a squeaky tread on the stairs so I could hear

DaisySteiner · 18/09/2011 13:02

YANBU. There's a certain friend of dd's who will not only trash her room but goes round trashing the other dc's rooms too

youarekidding · 18/09/2011 13:10

YANBU. My friends DC's are the worst. In her house things don't get out, always puts a film on for them to watch, refuses visitors as she's tidied etc. If toys are got out she brings something downstairs, only that, and she tidies it away.

When at my flat her's run wild, taking things off shelves and then just leaving them to get something else down. Glue, glitter everywhere etc. AND they just do not help tidy up and she is useless in making them. 'please darling' school of mothering. I have stupidly allowed this for years as I love seeing toys played with and liked seeing her DC's actually be allowed to play.

DS now had his lego out on a very cleverly extended play table I made for him. It is under his high sleeper and I have put all toy boxes under there too. I am making curtains to go on there and it will be a no go.

Now that our DC's are 6 and 7 yo I am not putting up with it anymore. They are old enough to tidy up or just not throw everything out if they don't want it. I use to make DS do the tidying as suggested upthread but his pleas to the others to help never worked and as it's my friend as well as his (ie I want the visitor) it wasn't fair he was tidying while the others got 'cuddles' in the lounge.

I will report back after next visit about how it goes.

Bloodymary · 18/09/2011 13:55

YANBU. I put a stop to it a while ago.
If they want to play indoors, they can play downstairs where I can see them.
Also, if they need to go upstairs to the loo, I will wait at the bottom of the stairs. This is due to the fact that one little madam went into MY room!

exoticfruits · 18/09/2011 14:03

Keep them where you can see them.

ggirl · 18/09/2011 14:09

yanbu
ds and his mates ALWAYS end up in our house
drives me nuts but would prefer him playing than being bored on his own
does piss me off that other mums obviously send their kids round to play here..kids knocking to play 'out' when it's pouring outside

ds has friends whose parents obviously don't let kids play in their houses at all but amazingly don't mind them spending hrs round other peoples house

Nagoo · 18/09/2011 14:10

YANBU but it will make life harder if you have to actually supervise them

How many do you let up there at a time?

And can you not insist that your DS tidy up himself? That way he will be less inclined to let other kids trash his room!

ggirl · 18/09/2011 14:12

I have tried to limit it to one child in house at a time but it gets kind of awkward when they come to the door.

Talker2010 · 18/09/2011 14:17

Is your son participating in the mess-making

If yes = he should tidy it
If no = he is being bullied

ImperialBlether · 18/09/2011 14:19

Ggirl, just pick the one you like best and let him in!

maypole1 · 18/09/2011 14:21

Marymaryalittlecontrary I am with you son knows I will hold him responsible fir his guests behaviour as he knows the rules and he should be giving them The skinny on house rules

ggirl · 18/09/2011 14:29

lol yes will do
smallest feet can come in , as I am less likely to trip over their bloody shoes

nimbs · 18/09/2011 18:03

irritates me too so there is a latch lock on the top of the doors - so kids can only go into the bathroom for the loo - not trash every room in the house - which has been done on occasion!!

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