Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to be feeling sad about splitting up my twins?

25 replies

JaneFonda · 15/09/2011 21:45

For those of you who have been following, I recently had (quite premature) twin girls.

They are both getting on really well, and the hospital says that Poppy should be ready to come home in a couple of weeks, if she continues to progress like this. But Grace won't be ready to come home for a little while after that.

I feel so happy that they are getting healthier and that my gorgeous girls can come home soon, but I feel so guilty that I would rather bring them home together. :(

This is so ridiculous, but I don't want Grace to get lonely in hospital without her sister. Feel free to tell me IABU, or does anyone have any experience/advice of how we can cope with one baby in hospital and one at home?

OP posts:

PelvicFloorsOfSteel · 15/09/2011 21:49

I have no experience or advice but just wanted to wish you and your girls well, I hope both of them will be home before long and this is only a very temporary separation.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 15/09/2011 21:49

Don't know your story but it seems like you have had a really tough time.

I can understand why you don't want them split up. My only thought was could you buy two dolls/ soft toys and keep one with either twin, so they aren't alone.

Sorry if this is a bit simple.

Wishing your two dc all the best.

amIbeingdaft · 15/09/2011 21:53

No knowledge on this subject at all, but YA absolutely NBU! I'd worry about this too. Can you talk to any others who've been in this situation? So glad your girls are doing well though, that's wonderful!

aldiwhore · 15/09/2011 21:54

Have you spoken to the hospital about this? Won't you be spending time with Grace, I assume you'll be allowed to take Poppy with you? Which would limit the amount of time they are separated...

Grace needs time to get big and strong, and although I am sure you and they would rather be together and with you, I also think that a few weeks apart won't break any bond.

YANBU though, not at all. I hope Grace is ready to come home very soon xxx (and if anyone objects to my kisses... meh!)

plainwhitet · 15/09/2011 21:54

This happened to my sister's twins and truly they were both absolutely fine as time passed. I think cookcleaner's idea is really charming and you could swop the two toys back and forth so the smell of each sister became familiar to the other, you could photograph them each with the toy, and so on. It seems ghastly at the moment but be strong, you will forget about this phase when they are both home. Far far better to take Poppy out of the hospital environment as soon as you are told she is ready to be home: much healthier. Good luck.

Sirzy · 15/09/2011 21:58

No advice but having followed your other thread I am pleased they are both doing well. Hopefully others on here can give you advice.

But whatever happens remember in there lifetime this is such a small part, one they wont remember, and they have wonderful lives ahead of them to spend together

troisgarcons · 15/09/2011 22:02

Awww! I thought this was going to be a secondary school setting thing (hey you have 11 years to worry about that) .

No, YANU at all - and no I havent followed your previpus posts - but I can understand your anguish. But its only a few weeks.

frutilla · 15/09/2011 22:03

YA def NBU. I don't know what the hosp policy is re. toys and premies but not sure if they're allowed them. Have you raised your concerns with the doctor about your girls being separated? Do you think Grace will recuperate slower without her twin? Is there any chance of them staying together. This can't be the first time the hospital has seen this scenario, they should be able to talk you through your concerns. All the best for you and your family x

glitterkitten · 15/09/2011 22:06

YANBU. No advice to offer other than reiterate what has been suggested already. Best wishes to you all, and just think, if you could tell you "back then" ( ie when twins were first born) that you'd be posting this in a few weeks time, the you "back then" would have been so relieved that you'd ever even have this to worry about.

I hope that makes sense! It did to me!

You've come a long way. You'll continue in that direction I'm sure.

warmandwooly · 15/09/2011 22:29

I've no experience etc of this but I just wanted to say that I am glad your little ones are getting better.

AuntiePickleBottom · 15/09/2011 22:35

the SBCU in my work policy is that only siblings of the baby can visit, so i would check if that is the case, then you can take Poppy into visit her sister every day.

glad both are doing well and hope they are home soon xxxxx

FabbyChic · 15/09/2011 22:40

What lovely names. They will be fine, you are being a natural mother and worrying that the one in hospital will be lonely, she won't honstly. Plenty of time for them to bond together when she gets home.

Original poster

JaneFonda · 15/09/2011 22:44

Thanks cookcleaner, that is a really lovely idea, I will ask the hospital if that would be allowed or if it could be dangerous.

Thank you all for your lovely messages, I feel a bit silly now but I've been crying for the past few nights worrying about Grace being all by herself in the hospital - the staff are absolutely amazing, but I still feel guilty. :(

OP posts:

SouthernFriedTofu · 15/09/2011 22:51

I know this is probably a ridiculous suggestion as I'm sure you are desperate to get them home.... but, would it be possible for Poppy to stay with Grace for a while longer? UNtil Grace is ready to leave to? Keeping eachother company?

RedOnion · 15/09/2011 22:53

Oh goodness OP your not being silly or unreasonable at all. Of course you will feel this way, BUT (and in the absolute kindest way) it is only YOU that is feeling this way. Your lovely girls will be absolutely fine and will have all the time in the world to bond once they are both at home within the family environment.

She won't be lonely, she is too young to even comprehend the emotion of lonliness, perhaps the smell or closeness of her sister may be recognised but really not enough to make any difference. If you can get a blanket/toy that smells of each sister and then swap them around it may help to alleviate some of the pain you are feeling but honestly they will both be wonderfully fine so please stop worrying.

Think of the fun (slightly evil smile at twins ) you will have in the future. The very best of luck x

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 23:25

I've never had this Experiance as no twins but my two eldest bought ds3 a teddy, don't know what it's called but has an elephant head but it's body is like a little blanket for when he was in nicu so he wouldn't be lonely, he still sleeps with it now at 6 months

Hope both your girls will be home with you soon

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 23:27

It's a cuddle cloth , they sell them at boots and tesco direct

Andrewofgg · 16/09/2011 00:27

What Sirzy said - I was another one waiting for your good news. All the very best to you and to them.

minimisschief · 16/09/2011 06:27

Why do you think they will be lonely just because they are twins. solo babies do not get lonely.

BreadCrumbsandButterBeans · 16/09/2011 07:22

Hi Jane, congratulations on the birth of your beautiful girls.

I would suggest phoning TAMBA (Twins and Multiple Birth Association). They'll have good practical advice and support for families in your situation.Hi Jane, congratulations on the birth of your beautiful girls.

I would suggest phoning TAMBA (Twins and Multiple Birth Association). They'll have good practical advice and support for families in your situation.

Byeckerslike · 16/09/2011 07:28

Hi Jane,
When my twin boys were born at 36 weeks one of them had to go into neonatal, only for a few days and me and his twin were allowed to stay on the poat natal ward so its by no means as hard as your situation but, it did upset me for them to be seperated. We ( me and twin) went down and sat with him and infed them both down in neo natal, the staff were great and let me sit as long as i wanted.
It upset me every time ij left him but looking back it was such a short period of time and he was so cosy and warm he didnt miss us a bit im sure.
Now he is racing with his brother at 13 weeks to grow the fastest!
Congratulations on your beautiful twin girls, love the names, like the idea about leaving a dolly with each twin.
:)

gethelp · 16/09/2011 09:36

You can't help the way you feel because what you are feeling is instinctive, good luck with your twins. When mine were born there was a lovely lady from a charity called Born Too Soon who offered us lots of support. Talk to someone who's been through it and you'll be reassured. I wouldn't recommend the Doctor tbh, they're more concerned with medicine than feelings.

whatithink · 16/09/2011 10:53

No advice to offer you, but I have twins myself and joined TAMBA when they were young and found the message boards there really useful and got lots of advice from that.

DeWe · 16/09/2011 11:08

Lovely names btw.
Hope they're both home soon and you can enjoy them at home.

TarheelMama · 17/09/2011 08:04

YANBU. One of the mums in my NCT group had very premature twins. Twin1 was ready to come home 3 weeks sooner than Twin2, but she insisted they be kept together. Both twins stayed until Twin2 was ready to go and then they came home together.

Flip