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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to employ extra childcare beyond what i need for work, just for some me-time?

29 replies

driedapricots · 15/09/2011 12:09

just wondered howmany other mn'ers do this..? is it so wrong and do you feel guilty about it if you do it?

OP posts:

TheBride · 15/09/2011 12:18

Why is it wrong? Everyone needs a bit of time to themselves.

Do you mind if I ask how many hours you're currently working?

TobyLeWolef · 15/09/2011 12:21

No, YANBU if you can afford it and it's what you want to do.

shesparkles · 15/09/2011 12:22

I used to have my CM a day a week when ds was younger and she was a lifesaver-so I can't see why not

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/09/2011 12:23

YANBU - if you can afford it go for it...it will do you good!

wideawakenurse · 15/09/2011 12:27

YANBU at all.

Unfortunately I cannot commit to this on a regular basis, but on the occasions when I have a day off work I always send DS to nursery still and don't bat an eyelid about doing it.

If you can afford it, then why not. Juggling work and motherhood is hard, if you find something to make it easier for you, then do it.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 15/09/2011 12:28

My two boys went into nursery at 2yrs old and 8 months old for 2 mornings a week while I was doing a 10week course!

They both settled really well and absolutely love it there so when my course finished, instead of taking them out, I kept them there.

On one of the mornings I do volunteer work and the other morning I have to myself, get a nap in or go for coffee in peace.

I don't see anything wrong with that tbh. We're moving soon and it upsets me that I'll have to take them out of the nursery because they both really do love it there!

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, go for it. All parents need a bit of me time too!

redskyatnight · 15/09/2011 12:42

Glad to see that others are saying YANBU.

I know too many people that think you "should" only use childcare to cover working hours. These are generally the people that have helpful grandparents/family members about to take the children off their hands at other times.

JeanBodel · 15/09/2011 12:48

I have sent my two pre-schoolers to nursery since the littlest was about one.

Two mornings a week all to myself. Essential for my mental health. Good for them, too, actually - they've both really thrived and enjoyed the socialising and varied activities.

And think of all the indirect benefits: you can avoid toddler groups, and paint and glue in the house, on the basis that they get enough of all that at nursery.

NinkyNonker · 15/09/2011 12:50

I'm planning on trying to get my 13 month old DD a couple of mornings at nursery in about 6 months as I'm expecting and a little free time would be amazing. Yanbu!

NotFromConcentrate · 15/09/2011 12:52

YANBU

I pay my CM to have my boys until 5.45pm; sOmetimes I work until then and sometimes I work away and my DH isn't home until then. However, I regularly arrive home by 4.45 and love having that hour to myself. Likewise, if I have a public holiday from work (English company but live in Scotland so sometimes I'm offend kids aren't) I have a lovely day to myself.

Enjoy, and definitey don't feel guilty!

Original poster

driedapricots · 15/09/2011 12:56

thanks ladies..i thought as much, just the guilt creeping in ;-) from my own personal experience i'm thinking of pitching a magazine feature (i'm a freelance writer too) about this as i'm sure many mums have or want a 'me-time minder'...what do you think?!

OP posts:

Beamur · 15/09/2011 12:56

Just to add - I think it does depend to an extent how much time you work though, yes, we all need some time to ourselves, but how much time do your kids get to see you too?
I knew of a woman with a very busy, high powered full time job, who employed her nanny to also cover one day during the weekend so she could have time to herself and whilst I get why she needed that time, I felt sorry for her children who only got to see their Mum one day a week.

hatebeingmummy · 15/09/2011 12:58

I wouldn't bother with the magazine feature to be honest... well, from my personal opinion anyway, i'm a bit tired of reading about Mum's choices. it's just fodder for the likes of the Daily Mail to jump on and judge us for.
What would be the spin?

Bramshott · 15/09/2011 13:11

YANBU, but if you're freelance, beware of the work just "expanding to fill the time available"!

Original poster

driedapricots · 15/09/2011 13:11

a pschologist saying it's ok!

OP posts:

Stormwater · 15/09/2011 13:18

Why on earth would it be a bad thing, unless they hated their childcare? I def need 'sanity time' so my life isn't just about work, chores and children - mine are with the child minder while I type this from the comfort of my sofa, having a lovely time (them and me!).

NeedaCostume · 15/09/2011 13:19

YANBU. I do this and it is money well spent. I'd much rather have a bit of free time than spend money on more 'stuff' I don't need.

I dislike the term 'me-time' though. It sounds inherantly selfish, whereas in fact, some time to relax is important for everyone. Actually, I mostly use the time to do chores without being hassled.

I agree that the article isn't worth your effort though. YAWN to more Mum analysis / criticism. Just enjoy a peaceful coffee instead.

hatebeingmummy · 15/09/2011 14:17

I'm sorry dried apricots but no, there are so many stories about pschologists saying that things mums choose to do are okay. I find it a bit counterproductive and like it just highlights the fact that we are so often judged when we're all trying our best.
For every professional saying it's okay that we work/ don't work/ use nurseries/ use childminders/ feed them organic/ don't feed them organic... there's one saying the opposite.
Just my opinion.

whostolemyname · 15/09/2011 15:42

I dont think its fair if me to say if yabu or not but for the sake of argument (I know you all like a good argument) ... why? I does sound a bit selfish without knowing full details of how many hours you work. I bet your children would rather be with you, wouldn't they?

Bootcamp · 15/09/2011 16:33

I don't work and youngest goes to nursery. I don't feel the least bit guilty or wrong!

TrillianAstra · 15/09/2011 16:34

YANBU

SybilBeddows · 15/09/2011 16:40

If it makes you a happier and nicer person and therefore a better parent, it is certainly not selfish.

EssexGurl · 15/09/2011 16:52

I'm the same as Bootcamp - although I have to confess it took a little while not to feel guilty! But a year later, it works well for everyone. I know some friends are a bit at the fact that it costs so much money. But DH gets an on call allowance from work and that is DD's nursery fund. They keep threatening to stop on call so if they do, then nursery goes. But hopefully by then she will be on the government funding and we can still afford it.

DoMeDon · 15/09/2011 16:56

I agree with the poster who said it depends on the balance -DC need time with their parents- it's not always possible, but if it is, they deserve it.

DD goes to nursery when I work but if I am on annual leave or day off on a nursery day she still goes in - probably one day every couple of months.

Conversely my friend (SAHM) sent her DS to nursery 2 afts a week because she wanted some time to herself. She felt their relationship was a bit too intensive (WOHD was away a lot). Her DS has come on behaviouraly and she feels more relaxed. The still have lots of time together though so it's a totla win-win.

Original poster

driedapricots · 15/09/2011 17:00

i work 3 days a week...was just thinking a couple of hours one day a week really so i could swan around and get my nails done get on with housework uninterrupted!

OP posts:

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