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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum A or Mum B

97 replies

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 11:20

Mum A and mum B are both at the school were their dcs attend and are listening to a talk about some changes that are happening within the school. The person giving the talk asks that anyone with a noisy child/baby take them outside. It's difficult to hear in the room at times, as there are quite a few little one's and a slightly mumbling speaker.

Both mums have a 2yo(+) aged child. The 2 children are sort of arguing a bit over who has what chair, one of those silly non arguments that children that age have. One says this is my chair and the other says this is my chair. They are both right as they are talking about their own chairs, toddlers eh!

Mum A is telling her child to shh occassionally but isn't that concerned although her child is pretty loud. Mum B is doing the same although her child is actually being fairly quite but by arguing back (even quietly) is winding up mum A child and making it worse.

So mum B quietly tells her child to stop arguing and to play with his toy. Child quietens. Child of mum A does not but mum not worried about it and is trying to ignore her child.

Every now and then the same thing happens and mum B does something to try to stop the kids arguing (reminding her child to just play quietly and not worry about other child and trying various things) and moves her child further away which helps for a while with her child, but child of A doesn't stop making screeching noises.

Towards end of meeting, mum B reminds child one last time to be quiet so she can hear the important info being given out. Mum A says to mum B "just leave them alone, let them get on with it, they are just kids" (you need to add a "tone of voice" to this of stroppiness and a bit of a dirty look).

Now mum B never spoke to other womans child at all and only ever smiled at the child, definately didn't tell them off or anything.

Who was unreasonable? Mum A who thought they should just get on (apart from a couple of shhhess) with it as after all they are just kids, even though the speaker had asked that they be removed it they were not quiet and everyone was having a bit of trouble hearing over her child?

Or mum B whose child wasn't being that loud but was antagonising the other child and who was trying to defuse the situation between the children by getting her child to play quietly alone for a while?

PS. Was mum A unreasonable for pretty much "telling off" mum B?

(really hoping I got all the As and Bs the right way around)

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 15/09/2011 11:57

personally, i think the school iis unreasonable not to have arranged a creche because these meetings always have noisy children... they should provide notes and presentation too. presumably, all the parents wanted the info, even mum a and b. ideally, you would arrange for the children to be elsewhere but it is not always possible.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 11:57

QUIET!

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 11:58

JeremyVileIf child B really wasn't being disruptive then mum B wouldn't have felt the need to keep intervening, would she?

So you think that occassional whispering is disruptive? Really? Even when it's drowned out by babies?

OP posts:
animula · 15/09/2011 11:59

Sorry. Probably shouldn't say this but ... how "Middle class version of Jeremy Kyle/Judge Judy" is this thread?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 11:59

blackeyedsusan Do they ever do that? Arrange a creche I mean? I've never heard of that before.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:00

animula I'm impressed that you think I am middle class! That would make a good program though.

OP posts:
ljgibbs · 15/09/2011 12:01

'The person giving the talk asks that anyone with a noisy child/baby take them outside. It's difficult to hear in the room at times, as there are quite a few little one's and a slightly mumbling speaker.'

Both were BU and both should of left.

Were you Mum B?

MmeLindor. · 15/09/2011 12:01

OK, you are obviously Mum B and are of the opinion that you were not being unreasonable, so why are you even asking us?

animula · 15/09/2011 12:03

Has a precedent in Middle Ages, though. Stories would be told aloud and stopped in the middle for a discussion of the moral implications of the story so far, who was right/wrong, who should have done what/when, etc.

I think Woody Allen's film "Barcelona" should have done that - had a pause in the middle, where the audience could discuss whose approach to love and life was "the best".

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:06

SnakeOnCrack Ha, are you B? I'd have told A to bugger off.

Couldn't possibly say although I suspect it may be obvious, tried not to make the OP too biased Grin

Was too stunned by mother of screeching child criticising my parenting (of whispering child) to say anything, especially as there is history which is now makes slightly more sense after hearing her attitude to the children's behaviour. The "just leave them alone, let them get on with it, they are just kids" thing.

OP posts:
minipie · 15/09/2011 12:06

Not sure why you've bothered with the whole Mum A and Mum B disguise. It's pretty obvious who you are (Mum B).

Frankly, Child B sounds like they were deliberately winding up Child A by "quietly whispering" "my chair". In those circumstances Child B should have been taken out if they would not stop doing it.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:07

MmeLindor Thu 15-Sep-11 12:01:43

Because it's called a "discussion", you know those?

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:08

Sorry should have been . .

MmeLindor Because it's called a "discussion", you know those?

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 15/09/2011 12:08

Well B was clearly NOT being unreasonable and her child was NOT making it difficult for other people to hear what was being said and she will definitely NOT be subject to tuts and disapproval from other parents at pick-up time Wink

It's all good then, yes?

worraliberty · 15/09/2011 12:09

Jesus wept!

As the Mother of 'child C' who has spent the best part of 16yrs sitting behind school Mums of Children A and B.....

I can honestly say I would have asked both of you to keep your kids quiet/seperate/under control or bugger off!

MmeLindor. · 15/09/2011 12:11

Yes, I know it is a discussion, but you are not taking any criticism on board.

I happen to think that if your child was winding the other child up then you should have moved further away or taken your child out.

But others have said this and you have rebutted them.

redskyatnight · 15/09/2011 12:12

Well it sounds like A and B would have been better sitting at opposite sides of the hall.

As Mum C, I would have found both parents/children annoying.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:14

JeremyVile Grin I don't think people would tutt about whispering children, they would probably just be relieved that it wasn't a screaming, running around, bashing people on head child. I did expect that mine would do that and was expecting to have to take them outside.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:15

MmeLindor I don't think you understand what discussion means. Really I don't.

OP posts:
ShirelyKnotSHIRE · 15/09/2011 12:15

Mum B sounds awful

She should probably be arrested or something.

BalloonSlayer · 15/09/2011 12:17

I once fell on my sword at a school thing and took my "Child B" out when I saw the headteacher approaching [imagine theme from Jaws as he stealthily hove into view].

In this case child A was making more noise than mine but I thought by removing my DC the overall noise from our area would go down, plus this was the other parent's first time at nativity/harvest festival/whatever and about my fourth so it was not as important to me.

Of course to the other parent, my DC was probably the one making the most noise.

josie14 · 15/09/2011 12:17

Mum B would have been right to tell Mum A to mind her own business. Although having little children at meetings usually means more distractions and noise. The people running the meeting will have expected a little disruption but it is embarrassing when your child is making the noise.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 15/09/2011 12:18

ShirelyKnotSHIRE Grin I think Bs child should probably be sent to a home for delinquents. They come down hard on whispering there!

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 15/09/2011 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicbmc · 15/09/2011 12:19

Another mum C here! Grin