AIBU to think this utter bullshit?

[YoungStepMum]

When talking about family meal times, a friend told me that I shouldn?t ?force? children to eat anything they don?t want to eat as it will leave them with a phobia about those foods. By ?force? I think she means the ?you have to eat at least two spoonfuls of peas/sweetcorn/broccoli? ect. line. There is less veg on their plate than I would like them to eat anyway so I don?t think there is anything wrong in expecting them to have two mouthfuls??? They moan for about a minute then just get on with it...hardly a traumatic experience.

She then went on to say that on numerous occasions she has given her children oatcakes, cheese and Ice cream after they have refused to eat whatever she has cooked for them and looked astounded when I said if my DSC don?t eat what everyone else is eating then they would certainly not get ice cream (more like bread and butter).

AIBU or are my DSC going to have a life long fear of peas? :o

My mum was pretty abusive in most ways - except two. One was food. Her motto was "eat what you can and leave what you can't". I never had a problem with vegetables because my dad grew them on his allotment so they were fresh out of the ground and they were never overcooked. With a bit of butter, pepper and lots of gravy - they tasted lovely! Mum didn't worry about things I disliked - bacon, mushrooms and roast beef and I loved these by the age of twelve or so. Never did like meat fat, any kind of coconut or chicken skin and still don't.

If I asked for a big helping then couldn't eat it all, her comment was "your eyes were bigger than your belly" and she took the plate away.

The reason she didn't force the food issue was that she was in a Catholic orphanage for five years where the food was literally putrid and the girls were served the same plateful over and over again if they refused it, then beaten if they still wouldn't eat it. She vowed never to force her kids to eat.

So I wasn't a faddy eater and gave new foods a try and now enjoy a healthy, varied diet. Thanks, Mum!

The other thing she vowed not to punish was pissing the bed, because she saw little toddlers whipped and made to stand with their wet bed sheets over their heads for hours. So she was patient with me, even though I still wet the bed at the age of nine (not every night!). Poor little orphan kids though!

I do wish she'd vowed not to do a few more of the horrible things she did do, but I will give her credit for these two.

If my dd won't eat her dinner I normally offer her something else. She's too little to cook stuff for herself after all! I do normally offer a healthy alternative but will sometimes give icecream etc. Not a biggie. I try not to make a huge deal of it. My mum got served up her left food for the next meal cold and all. (shudders)

Also I am on a diet but I don't want dd top drop her carbs so I normally cook her pasta or something different from mine. Luckily she love salad but I know that kids need more carbs and fat anyway.

Eaglewings - Dd1 has a phobia of milk as she was made to drink a whole glass before she was allowed to leave the table
DS has a phobia of peas after he vomited after trying a tea spoon of them
Dd2 as yet has no phobia, would love it to stay that way.

A phobia??? I'd call it a dislike.... a phobia is something else entirely.....

Ds has a food phobia. He eats bread, cheerios, chips, pringles, grapes and that is about it. All he has eaten for the last 7 years. He has a problem with textures, smells and the colour of food. He cant stand to be around any food that he doesnt eat. I cant take him to a supermarket, a bbq etc or anywhere else where there will be food.

A phobia as in vomiting when seeing a glass of milk!

As in gagging if tasting a pea mixed into a stew or other sauce

I dislike radishes but they don't make me heave. Pheasant turns my stomach but I'm nt sick, though not sure what would happen if I had to eat it. . .

No forcing here - but if vegetables aren't eaten, then nothing else until next meal time. That simple. I know which veg my dc's won't eat, and don't dish those up - or if I do, it's as an 'extra' veg, that they DON'T have to finish to get pudding, thus giving them the incentive every now and again to try it, and see if they like it now. . DD won't eat peas. EVER. She calls them the devils' bogeys. DS1 eats all veg except green beans. DS2 eats all veg except cauliflower, and even 7mo DS3 has a pathological hatred of Cauliflower. He 'smooshes' it into the highchair tray under his bowl. .

yes, cocktail queen, there are plenty of kids, even quite young ones, with food issues. there are entire hospitals, and depts in hospitals, that are dedicated to helping with it.

not just a made up thing for pfb mummies.

incidentally, it is often linked with asd, adhd, autism, as are many other sensory issues.
or it could just be an extreme reaction after a difficult/traumatic event around a kind of food.

fwiw, dd loves veg & chicken & pasta and a load of other healthy things. if, for some reason, you attempted to force a fizzy drink down her (she has tactile & texture issues too) then you'd end up wearing it as she threw up all over you.

I do think there is a difference, a phobia as defined "A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it"

If drinking milk for example makes you sick everytime you drink it, there is nothing irrational about avoiding it. If you tried to force anyone to eat/drink something they really didnt like, there is a high chance it will make them sick.

I read somewhere that it takes ten tries of a new food for the tastebuds to get used to it. Therefore, I try to make sure that the kids at least TRY new foods. If they don't like it, then fine, I won't serve it up to them for a while. BUT from time to time I'll serve it up again and ask them to try again.

Consequently, there are loads of foods that they didn't used to like, that they absolutely love now. Tastes change. Of course there are always going to be exceptions; I'll never like Liver, and I suspect DS1 will never like mushrooms on their own (as opposed to chopped into Spag Bol or similar) - I think it's the texture he hates more than anything.