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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this utter bullshit?

85 replies

YoungStepMum · 11/09/2011 11:08

When talking about family meal times, a friend told me that I shouldn?t ?force? children to eat anything they don?t want to eat as it will leave them with a phobia about those foods. By ?force? I think she means the ?you have to eat at least two spoonfuls of peas/sweetcorn/broccoli? ect. line. There is less veg on their plate than I would like them to eat anyway so I don?t think there is anything wrong in expecting them to have two mouthfuls??? They moan for about a minute then just get on with it...hardly a traumatic experience.

She then went on to say that on numerous occasions she has given her children oatcakes, cheese and Ice cream after they have refused to eat whatever she has cooked for them and looked astounded when I said if my DSC don?t eat what everyone else is eating then they would certainly not get ice cream (more like bread and butter).

AIBU or are my DSC going to have a life long fear of peas? :o

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 11/09/2011 11:42

I have to also agree with the use of the word Phobia wrt food preferences. That IS utter BS.

Gluttondressedaslamb · 11/09/2011 11:45

I think children should be encouraged to try everything, but if you let them see that eating vegetables is an important issue they will use it as a way of manipulating you. If they dont want to eat whats on their plates, fine - but no snacks or treats.
My mother gave me two choices at every meal, i.e. take it or leave it. I did the same with my DC. And we are none of us picky eaters.

zukiecat · 11/09/2011 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MardyArsedMidlander · 11/09/2011 11:48

Wasn't there some research that children have to try new things about 8 times before they decide they like them? Since children are innately conservative, if you don't introduce them to new foods, it's actually crueller as you are condemning them to a life of a being a fussy eater, and annoying everyone else around them.

flack · 11/09/2011 11:54

Wasn't there some research that children have to try new things about 8 times before they decide they like them?

Yeah, Shite theory that. That was the theory that the afterschool club was following. That's why they made DS eat a bite of apple if he wanted to leave the snack table and that's why he refused to ever set foot in their premises again. (I have unbelievably stubborn children).

What they didn't know was that DS had previously eaten apple loads & loads for years & years, but had gone off eating it fresh (he still had/s apple juice and apple crumble). I was fine about that as long as he ate an overall reasonable range of f+v.

DS's story convinced other DC (who both eat fresh apple enthusiastically, even now) that they would never want to set foot in the after school club, too (sigh).

Agree that offering oatcakes or ice cream instead isn't best, though.

flack · 11/09/2011 11:56

Oh, and ps, the forced-apple episode was about 4 yrs ago and DS still doesn't eat fresh apple. I'm not overly keen on it myself.

Original poster
YoungStepMum · 11/09/2011 12:05

I wouldn?t make them stay up the table until they have eaten everything on their plate?we would be there all night. If they point blank refused (hasn?t happened yet) then there would be fruit for desert rather than a yoghurt or something.

However, I think I have more of an idea of how much fruit and veg a three year old should be getting?if I left it up to her to decide what she needed/wanted to eat then she would most likely end up eating chocolate biscuits all day.

I just don?t want them to grow up to be fussy eaters that demand something else to be made for them?imagine if they did that at school or a friends house Blush

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 11/09/2011 12:06

I would generally say don't force them to eat stuff they don't like, but it sounds like yours are trying it on a bit. there has to be a happy balance. I have occasionally given children something different when they genuinly don't like it, but they are not usually fussy eaters.

dd has never liked carrots, for a while she had hidden vegaatable sauce with a few chunks of the stuff she did like in. we have progressed to eating carrots in stuff but she may never like them solo.

we do have tears over brocolli though... usually because they can't have any more... and ds when he tried a raw one in the supermarket and he was dissappointed at its taste. they are childern that would eat the whole head of brocolli if given the chance...

op, i would carry on with your strategy it works for you. I am sure you know what they hate and what they are just trying to avoid.

sjuperwolef · 11/09/2011 12:11

dd clears her plate no matter what is put in front of her its how i know she really doesnt like a new food ive put to her or helps me when i think she may be ill.

i have never given pudding/snack if a meal hasnt at least been tried and partially ate.

sjuperwolef · 11/09/2011 12:13

meant to add - your doing the right thing Grin some people give in way to easily and they end up wrapped around the kids fingers ..

troisgarcons · 11/09/2011 12:19

My 15yo went to China for 2 weeks on a school trip. In the bumpff we were given was the following:

The Chinese do not understand the following - vegetarianism, food allergies or food refusal.

Summed it up really; we pander to our children. Eat what is put infront or you or go hungry.

TrillianAstra · 11/09/2011 12:21

So no-one in China is allergic to nuts then? I suppose they all just die? Hmm

acatcalledfelix · 11/09/2011 12:21

I'm of the opinion that children can have likes and dislikes just like adults, and that it's not nice to be forced into eating something you don't like! My DS isn't 2 yet, and is a pretty good eater but too young to understand "just try it" (though 90% of the time he'll happily try something new). He wouldn't get a "treat" if he didn't eat his main meal, but he would get some fruit.
I'm determined that our mealtimes will not turn into battles, and as DS gets older and more determined, if he doesn't eat, then he doesn't eat. I will NOT sit at the table for an hour coercing as I've seen some friends do.
My mum, on the other hand, gave me exactly what I wanted, and only ate really bland food, so I've grown up incredibly fussy with an awful sweet tooth, and I don't want that for my DC's. DS has had interesting flavours and textures since he was first weaned, and has eaten (and enjoyed) food already that I didn't touch till I was in my 20s and 30s. Of that I'm very proud!

SarahStratton · 11/09/2011 12:22

Lucky Chinese with no food allergies Envy

troisgarcons · 11/09/2011 12:23

shrugs we are talking about people who nibble on insects and chicken feet!

Laquitar · 11/09/2011 12:31

I never did the 'eat the brocoli in order to have pudding' so on that i'm with your friend.

But then again i wouldn't offer ice cream so on that i'm with you. Mind you we don't usually have puddings anyway.

She was wrong to use the word 'forcefeeding' imo what you do is not forcefeeding but the way i see it it gives the message that vegetables are shit and we only eat them because we must.

Gluttondressedaslamb · 11/09/2011 12:31

My son was invited to dinner by some Chinese friends who were very proud to present him with their piece de resistance - fried chickens` feet served whole, complete with grubby-looking claws! :)

MitchiestInge · 11/09/2011 12:34

I've always oscillated, sometimes I think the very concept of not liking a foodstuff is a bit obscene when so many die for want of any food - but I was a fussy eater who was forced to stare for hours at platefuls of things that repulsed me so would never do that to my children. Not that that decision and the consequent bumbling along some middle ground stopped one of them developing an eating disorder anyway.

nethunsreject · 11/09/2011 12:37

I ask that dses try something. If they don't like it, they don't have to eat it.

mymumdom · 11/09/2011 12:38

I don't think it's wise to make the 'think' about food.
I ask mine to try foods but I don't force them to eat something they don't like. They fill up on fruit and sandwiches if they don't like their meals.

inmysparetime · 11/09/2011 12:38

I'd always encourage children to try new food as latest research is that a child may need to try a new taste as many as 40 times before they develop a definite liking (or hatred) of it. I wouldn't offer alternative dinner, but I wouldn't withold pudding either as my kids would sometimes eat a disliked vegetable if they could dip it in custard ( but then my kids are weird).

zukiecat · 11/09/2011 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenBananaTantrum · 11/09/2011 12:39

I agree with those saying there needs to be a balance. I ask DD to try food but if she really doesn't like it I don't force her to eat it. If she does not want what I have cooked then she can have cereal as I don't want to start cooking different meals.

However I have found some ways around things. She doesn't like fish pie so what I do now is cook the fish in milk and then take it out. Make the sauce separately and cook the potatoes separately. DH like all the components of fish pie so he has fish, sauce, potatoes and veg. I have fish, sauce and veg (I'm diabetic so miss out the potatoes) and DD has fish potatoes and veg. It's no more hassle as I would have been cooking all these things anyway but instead of making it into a pie its separate. I do this with shepherds pie too. Works well.

mymumdom · 11/09/2011 12:39

Duh- 'wise to make a thing about food'.
Sorry for the typos.

northerngirl41 · 11/09/2011 12:47

I'll tell you what happens if children are never made to try new foods - my husband!!!

He has reached middle age literally only eating what his mother cooked for him as a toddler: eggs, chips, meat, potatoes, peas. No sauces, no tomatoes, no cream.

It is incredibly annoying and really hard to get him to try anything new. Now if I have something, he'll occasionally try it and has actually found loads of foods which he really enjoys by doing this.

But there's no way our kids are allowed to be that fussy!! I have the same rule as you!