Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to have sent boys to bed with bread and butter for their dinner?

11 replies

4madboys · 11/09/2011 09:32

So ds2 and ds3 were being vile the other day, just horrid. I had done time out, warned them, sent the to their room, seperated them etc etc and still they carried on.

i had had enough so said to them, IF you do not stop behaving like this i will give you bread and butter for your dinner (and not the soup we were having) and then put you to bed.

they continued their bad behaviour, so i made them two slices of bread and butter each and also put an apple each on their plates, gave them that for their dinner and then put them to bed.

they HAD eaten well the rest of the day, porridge and fruit for bfast, a snack of fruit in the am, pasta with tuna, sweetcorn and peas etc for lunch with some carrot and cucumber sticks. then a snack of toasted teacakes and a piece of fruit in the pm. so bread and butter for dinner one night not so bad?

i gave them a warning and followed through with it and their behaviour was much better the next day!

(tbf they are usually pretty good and time out or a warning of no wii time etc usually works, but not on this occasion)

anyway have others done similar? or have i scarred them for life?

OP posts:

ChocolateTeacup · 11/09/2011 09:35

I haven't yet done similar but I would, and it obviously worked for you, its not as if you starved them for the entire day before hand they ate more than I do in a day!

Don't worry about it and add it as a weapon to your belt

Claw3 · 11/09/2011 09:44

Ive never used food as a punishment. Although i have sent my ds's to bed once without any dinner.

squeakytoy · 11/09/2011 09:45

considering all they had eaten already, they are hardly going to starve

Pigsinblankets · 11/09/2011 09:48

TBH I don't like using food as a tool for good or bad behaviour, unfortunately though that's hard to stick to, especially as my mum always rewards my daughter with a bar of chocolate if she hears that she's been a good girl going to bed the night before so I think the association is already there. Don't beat yourself up about it, if you feel uncomfortable about what happened then learn from it and move on. Sometimes kids just drive you to the point where you want them in bed and out of your hair (I know I do!)

I just personally worry about my daughter and food associations, she's a great eater now (she's 3) but I know as she grows up it will be hard to keep her away from the whole body image thing that happens. I suppose it's different to some extent for boys though anyway....

Original poster

4madboys · 11/09/2011 09:54

claw i have also sent them to bed without any dinner and been flamed for it on another thread!

generally food is not used for punishment or treat, but if they are messing around at the dinner table and not eating etc and do not calm down when asked, they will be given a warning and then sent to bed without having eaten their dinner but it hasnt happened that often as they KNOW that i and dp will follow through.

but the other day i had just had enough and nothing was working so it was bread and butter for dinner and then bed at 6:40. they also went to sleep very quickly so i think they were just overtired.

and yes they had eaten quite a bit during the day, but they are both skinny as a rake and never stop during the day.

4 boys can eat a LOT of food!

pigsinblankets yes i get your worry about food asociations, dd is 9mths, but i have food issues myself, its def a comfort thing... and i certainly dont want that to be the case for my kids. they do seem to see food as fuel at the moment and they need it!

OP posts:

NestaFiesta · 11/09/2011 09:58

4madboys.

YANBU. You were firm, you warned them, you stuck to your word. They need to know you're in charge not them.

And they ate plenty so the bread and butter sounds like tokenism rather than starvation. I bet they thought you were joking till you followed through! Nice work. Might try it myself.

Claw3 · 11/09/2011 10:05

4madboys, i did reserve that punishment for the worst behaviour and they have only once done something that serious to warrant being sent to bed without dinner.

I gave my 2 ds's money to go to the cinema with and the police brought them home at 3 oclock in the afternoon, they had been caught climbing on the roof of a derelict building. After the police left, i sent them straight to bed. One of them was brave enough to call down a few hours later "what about dinner" and "but i havent had a bath"

So it wasnt so much about me not giving them dinner, more to do with me withdrawing everything and being fuming!

If sending your dc to bed is a punishment you use, i dont really see the point of making a point of not giving them dinner, just send them to bed, thats the punishment iyswim.

Original poster

4madboys · 11/09/2011 10:32

yes bed with no story (doesnt happen often) is a punishment used, but if they are pissing about at the dinner table and not eating then they cant be that hungry, so hence going to bed and not finishing their dinner, after being warned and given the opportunity to sit and eat nicely. but again it doesnt happen often!

OP posts:

PrimaBallerina · 11/09/2011 10:40

YANBU. Good work

Claw3 · 11/09/2011 10:58

I wouldnt punish for not being hungry or not eating.

Still there is not right or wrong way, just whatever works for you.

Dawndonna · 11/09/2011 11:05

I think it's good that you carried through, however (and this is personal) I never threaten with food, food is a right, not a treat. My Mum did this at alarmingly regular intervals, and at almost 53, it's still with me. As I said, it's personal.
Having said that, they'd eaten well all day and once in a while it can't do any harm.

Flip