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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To miss my 'friend'

92 replies

parentfailure · 10/09/2011 18:57

Slight background: Good friend, been through thick and thin. Been more of a friend to her than she to me (in making sure we see each other, driving to see her etc., making the effort etc)

A few weeks ago, after a VERY innocuous comment on FB (our main way of staying in touch), she deleted her friendship with me, then her whole account (which she has now reinstated).

And, that's it. Nearly a decade friendship totally deleted.

I miss her. I miss her friendship.

I apologised for any misunderstanding over the comment I made, told her that i do / did appreciate her friendship... Nothing.

I have to accept that she simply does not wish to be friends with me anymore. But she has been through some of my darkest days and my brightest moments (including my marriage and birth of children).

I know she was upset I couldn't make her wedding (in Europe, on a tuesday and no children allowed - I have two toddlers!) but I thought she had understood and I did buy her a very special and lovely present and took her out to dinner to celebrate.

I just want to 'let go' but still feel I would love to hear from her and love to know how stuff is with her. We always had such great chats.

I have tried to contact her once, through a mutual friend, but got a 'hi' back - but certainly no opening for further conversation, so I know I have to let it go.

I just feel sad that someone I thought was such a good friend could turn like that.

OP posts:

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 22:46

Last thing - I'm not trying to do that, Beer. I'm seeing this Summer as part of a continuum that arises out of political change ongoing since the seventies and likely to continue until the pure monetarists/free-marketeers have done their work, and imagining how it will look in the future.

Much as we now look back at Wat Tyler and co and see the Peasants' Revolt as significant and important (and unsurprising), whereas at the time everyoen was terribly sniify about the uppity and unimportant unwashed getting greedy and above themselves.

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 22:46

You don't need to take it from MN. Take it from the reports cut and pasted therein.

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 22:48

And sorry, I'm honestly not posting and running, but I do have to go!

BeerTricksPotter · 10/09/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

parentfailure · 11/09/2011 06:47

aHH... hully and Beer - thankyou...

I just needed to see that it IS OK to have differing points of view without a major toddler tantrum.

To whoever said that it was a public 'slap down' - sorry but I still stand by it. If she had been standing straight in front of me, surrounded by whoeever, I would still have called her on that comment. Maybe I'm a gobshite too!!

I already knew I had to let this one go.... As someone said: What would I do now anyway? Even if she called me?

So, to friendships lost: I will always appreciate the friendship and support you have shown me and I will respect you for the friend you have been to me.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 11/09/2011 08:59

parent I think that you valued this friendship more than her. Life is too short to dwell, there are some lovely people out there, so go find em . Over the years I have gotten more assertive, and will basically call someone up if they display distasteful views on FB and in person.

natation · 11/09/2011 10:22

parent, I feel your pain, our family and me are going through a similar experience at the moment, it feels like a messy divorce (not that I have ever been divorced) and my ex friend has taken it to extreme lengths to put distance between us - even kept her son in a different school because he was so close to me (I took him to school every day and he often slept overnight) and the complete break must be very hard on him in particular.

Our break was on the face of it also because my ex friend completely misinterpreted something I had said to a mutual friend, but I know it was more than that, but she refuses to speak, that seems the problem, she had spoken to me less and less in the months preceding.

I don't have any advice for you, rejection by someone you value so much is a terrible thing to endure, especially if it seems unexplainable, our children have lost their best friends which they treated as brothers, my husband has lost his best friend, I have lost mine, our lives have been turned upside down. Try and draw on the positives which remain in your life. I have some great friends still, I have made new friendships in the months since our break up, no no-one replaces the friendship I and the family has lost, but I hope you find the strength to pull through so that some day you look back with less pain and look forward with great joy at what positives you have in your life.

kneesofnorks · 11/09/2011 10:23

Hully - if the rioters were politically motivated why did they suddenly stop when the perpetrators realised arrests were being made and they weren't able to do what they wanted, without police intervention? Surely if they were so strong in their beliefs thus would have felled the need to have their voices heard?

Also if it was political why were the targets in the main stores that stocked expensive items for looting?

In my opinion if someone was genuinely disenfranchised and wishing to protest against society they would not be focusing on consumer goods and alcoholic drinks!

Hullygully · 11/09/2011 10:39

sorry

Hullygully · 11/09/2011 10:41

sorry if that seemed rude, only have five mins today so can't really engage, but knees, our society is materialist and consumerist and predicated on conspicuous consumption.

If you are disenfranchised it means you know you have no way ever to attain materialist nirvana and have meaning in our society.

So you get a bit cross, think, well fuck it all then, and take it.

Not saying it's right, just that it's not that hard to imagine.

Hullygully · 11/09/2011 10:42

And that's also not to say that there wren't a few people who just love a bit of argy bargy along for the ride. But there's a reason for that too.

pigletmania · 11/09/2011 10:46

Yes because they lack a moral compass imo.

kneesofnorks · 11/09/2011 10:57

Completely agree with you piglet - I am currently, and have been for several years surviving on an extremely low income, am lucky enough by scrimping and scraping to run a 16 yr old car, live in a rented home and couldn't begin to dream of designer clothes and other materialistic items, essential items like putting food on the table, school uniforms and utility bills take priority.

Strangely enough I would never dream of behaving in the way the rioters did - perhaps that's because I have morals and believe the way they behaved was deplorable, and so does my 16 yr old DS, who surely would be the correct demographic if it were genuine protests at poverty and its effects?

pigletmania · 11/09/2011 11:27

Exactly kness just because one is not well off does not mean that they should rob/steal and cause devastation. Incidently, some of those involved in the riots came from priviledged backgrounds and held down good jobs, whats their excuse then . Can't we just say it, that some people just do not know right from wrong and lack morality.

pigletmania · 11/09/2011 11:33

To say its political and that the poor people are rebelling against the government is at bit , thats insulting to those who are not well off, because believe it or not a lot of people do have a conseince of whats right and wrong. Some of the businesses affected were owned by people who were not well off themselves, but work hard to scrape a living.There was a shop owner whose windows were broken and he would have to pay £12K which his insurance does not cover, where the hell is he going to get that money from, he was hardly well off himself. The rioters should be made to clean up the mess and pay towards what they damaged.

Original poster

parentfailure · 11/09/2011 13:21

See, I really buy Hully's point about if you don't feel part of this 'society' then normal rules don't apply... I grew up in a pretty rough area where gang mentality did (and I am sure does) exist.

And, Piglet makes a good point: Many of those caught looting DID have careers, did have educations, did have opportunities. But, in today's society... that is not enough for many youngsters (by which, of course, I mean anyone under the age of 30 )

They see people make millions from being a bit thick (Jade Goody) or kicking a ball (Insert any footballer here) or behaving like a t**t (Jedward) and for what? GO to college, study to be a nurse, do something actually pretty damn hard physically and emotionally and get paid peanuts, get treated like you don't exist and get talked down to.

I've been on both sides of the fence on this one and having crap all money is a shit place to be... Problem is: WHo decides enough is enough?

OP posts:

yummymummy84 · 12/09/2011 12:24

I was very good friends with someone and looked to her like a sister but she became very bitchy with me over a children's party and in the end we fell out. I miss her very much but I know it was an excuse to end our friendship as she had been picking at other things for months. Sometimes things happen for a reason and I am sure you will meet new friends who will be more truthful with you rather than just deleting you from FB as this one has!

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