Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my 'friend'

92 replies

parentfailure · 10/09/2011 18:57

Slight background: Good friend, been through thick and thin. Been more of a friend to her than she to me (in making sure we see each other, driving to see her etc., making the effort etc)

A few weeks ago, after a VERY innocuous comment on FB (our main way of staying in touch), she deleted her friendship with me, then her whole account (which she has now reinstated).

And, that's it. Nearly a decade friendship totally deleted.

I miss her. I miss her friendship.

I apologised for any misunderstanding over the comment I made, told her that i do / did appreciate her friendship... Nothing.

I have to accept that she simply does not wish to be friends with me anymore. But she has been through some of my darkest days and my brightest moments (including my marriage and birth of children).

I know she was upset I couldn't make her wedding (in Europe, on a tuesday and no children allowed - I have two toddlers!) but I thought she had understood and I did buy her a very special and lovely present and took her out to dinner to celebrate.

I just want to 'let go' but still feel I would love to hear from her and love to know how stuff is with her. We always had such great chats.

I have tried to contact her once, through a mutual friend, but got a 'hi' back - but certainly no opening for further conversation, so I know I have to let it go.

I just feel sad that someone I thought was such a good friend could turn like that.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:14

Politically! Those are ordinary people that the rioters affected, they did not go in and destroy government buildings e.g. 10 Downing STreet, Houses of Parliament and Whitehall. No the rioters were from priviledged backgrounds, and in interviews some did not have a reason like sheep really.

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 21:18

Goodness. What reason did the sheep have?

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:27

nothing, some just wanted to cause trouble. Do you think it right then hullyHmm There is no excuse for destroying innocent people's lives, homes, and business.

Original poster
parentfailure · 10/09/2011 21:28

None. Hully.

I think that answers every question.

I'm sorry but I absolutely and utterly refuse to ever condone any type of violence, especially against the general public.

While I am more than happy to apologise for any upset, I refuse to apologise for the comment.

I stand by my comment. Inocuous as it was.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:30

parent you should not have to apologise, she should with a comment like that.Good riddance to bad rubbish I say

kneesofnorks · 10/09/2011 21:35

parent, you were right to comment, although I agree it looks like she was looking for a 'reason' to end the friendship, in my opinion anyone who supports the rioters has a screw loose!

That doesn't make it hurt any less I'm sure, the loss of a friendship always does, all you can do is move on with your life, as you can't force someone to be your friend if they don't want to.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:40

You said that you were making the effort in the friendship, not her, so this is just an excuse for her to dump you imo. Don't look back, look forward.

CailinDana · 10/09/2011 21:42

You say it was an innocuous comment but it wasn't. She said something very stupid, probably just to be controversial or because she had in a bee in her bonnet about something. For what it's worth I found the righteous "our society is going to hell" comments around the riots ridiculous and I heard a lot of people come out with inane comments both for and against the rioters. I could have responded in the same way you did to a few choice soundbites on FB, but I didn't. FB is a public forum where all your friends see what you write. She said something she shouldn't have (and possibly regretted) and you gave her a public slapdown. IMO it's the same thing as humiliating someone at a party with all their friends, with the added bonus of it being preserved for posterity in writing.

Chances are your friend felt very embarrassed by the fact that her good friend reprimanded her, albeit mildly, for a very badly thought out comment in front of everyone she knows. The comment itself is completely irrelevant, it's the social context, and the fact that you stayed on your high horse and continued to make her feel judged rather than acknowledging that you made a mistake and leaving it at that.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:44

I expect that she had other comments from FB about that stupid status.

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 21:48

That French Revolution was a load of jumped up nonsense by people that were no better than they should have been as well.

BeerTricksPotter · 10/09/2011 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:54

hully surely you would know that not all the rioters had political motives. Anyhow I stand by what I said that there is no excuse for destroying innocent lives and business, do you think thats right then Hmm. If it were political why did they not target government builidings then Hmm

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 21:55

For a lot, it had nothing to do with politics

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 21:56

Nope

"History" lends distance and a neat wrapping

Let's see what these times are called in 200 years hence

One person's "Troubles" is another person's "War," one person's "Terrorism" is another person's "Guerilla Warfare"

All depends on your viewpoint

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/09/2011 21:56

Hully What the hell are you talking about?! You politically agree with burning people's homes?

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 21:56

piglet "political" is not synonymous with "government"

CailinDana · 10/09/2011 21:57

Piglet it sounds like your desire to be right and your desire to impress upon your friend that she is wrong is stronger than your desire to repair the friendship. If you truly valued the friendship you would go to her, cap in hand, and say you are very sorry that you didn't get her point and that it's not worth arguing over. Is it really worth losing a friendship over?

TheOriginalFAB · 10/09/2011 21:59

She said she understood why people set fire to peoples businesses and homes?

You said you don't

She had a strop with what you said?

Is that the sum of the row?

BeerTricksPotter · 10/09/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 22:01

What, I am not the op! Anyway she does not sound like a good friend, not making the effort, and being upset at not attending her wedding when she knows you have kids, and you made every effort to make it up to her. It does indeed seem like she is using that as an excuse to leave the friendship.

CailinDana · 10/09/2011 22:02

Oops sorry piglet, my mistake

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 22:02

callin with that kind of comment, you have to understand that not everyone will agree with you, and that some will be upset by it. If you cant take criticism don't post, keep it private

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 22:03

Why should the op agree with something that a lot of people find offensive just to as not upset her friend. I would not, if she cant take it, she is not much of a friend tbh.

pigletmania · 10/09/2011 22:04

oh ok calin I know the feeling Smile

Hullygully · 10/09/2011 22:06

Beer, really?

It is part of a huge movement of social dismantlement from the post war consensus. There will only be worse to come.