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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do I end up having a houseful of kids?

21 replies

whatever17 · 10/09/2011 01:49

I really don't want to.

I have 2 sons aged 12 and 20.

Both of them ALWAYS - have 1 or 2 friends calling on them.

I used to feel guilty if we got a takeaway or I dished up dinner. Now I just dish up dinner for the 3 of us.

But I often feel really embarrassed having a houseful of lads when I leave the bathroom (after a bath) in towels.

In the week I have said "you must be gone by 8.30" but I hate it that the house is just crawling with boys everywhere.

I have banned them from the livingroom.

OP posts:

Tortington · 10/09/2011 01:50

soft touch thats why -

tell your kids to go out

Original poster

whatever17 · 10/09/2011 01:52

Custard - go out where though?

We live on an Estate in London - I don't want them out.

I want them to go to the other kids' houses too.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatever17 · 10/09/2011 01:55

I do think you are right though - I am mates with people with are nice and who have nice kids on the Estate and we all want our kids inside.

But often I find that they are with me.

OP posts:

jasper · 10/09/2011 01:56

I'm the same. Hordes of kids all the time.
Have learned to suck it up and take it as a compliment.
Sometimes I lock myself in the bedroon

jasper · 10/09/2011 01:57

and I never offer snacks so they ain't here for the food.
if it's teatime I text the mums and they are all welcome to stay

MumblingRagDoll · 10/09/2011 02:01

Well the 20 year olds should have a life outside the home now surely? Don't they work or study? Why aren't they doing something?? I wouldnt have them hanging round...they're men ffs. The 12 year olds...fair enough....just ban them from the kitchen and make them stay in the bedroom!

AgentZigzag · 10/09/2011 02:03

Because you're a lovely enabling person?

Because you know they'll appreciate it when they look back, and you know it won't be for long and you'll miss it when they move out?

Bollocks, only joking tell them to sod off to one of the other lads house or you'll repeatedly put on Ghost, or some similar awfulness, and bawl really loudly at regular intervals.

Original poster

whatever17 · 10/09/2011 02:20

ZigZag - my ex-h says I am an "enabler". He is a C* though.

i do want my kids to have friends. BUT they never go to the other kids' houses.

For instance, youngest son is friends with a brother and sister - they both spent the whole fucking summer here.

They live just around the corner. Like I said though, I want my kids to have mates - and I do NOT want them on the street. And the kids who come round are nice and I know their parents.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 10/09/2011 02:25

I'm a cunt too! What are the odds of that??

Right, time to resort to the oldest trick in the book then, bribery.

Say a fiver a piece to give you at least one night a week where you can hear yourself think?

You can up the days/rate from thereonin.

Original poster

whatever17 · 10/09/2011 02:31

AZZ - money works wonders! I can be a bit of a cunt too!

I want the kids safe - but my house? Sick of it, sick of them! I have 2 kids, but I often have 5 or 6 in the house and I hate it.

Yes, £5 would make them both fuck off for the evening.

Even together, why don't they fuck off together? Go to the cinema, together.

OP posts:

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 10/09/2011 07:41

Even the nice kids homelife might not be all that it seems. I used to spend a lot of time at a friends house for that reason - I think it's nice that you're kids know it's ok to bring people home - it was made very difficult for me to do that and ended up with not many friends as a result

Jammyrella · 10/09/2011 08:11

My childhood home was the one where everyone congregated. I recall my older brother always having mates over, then I definitely had loads of friends round in my 6th form days. Admittedly I would sometimes go to their houses, and we would go out in the evening, but mostly my parents took the brunt of afternoon and post-pub get togethers. We tended to stick to my room if it was a girls only group, but when it was a mixed group we would often take over the living room. But Mum & Dad took it in good humour, even when relegated to watching the portable in the dining room! (We did ask premission though, we were polite, and we rarely ate much, and if we did I made everyone help clear up. I remember one day when about a dozen friends came over to watch a film and we all had sandwches and coffees, I organised a chain of teenagers in the kitchen, each washing and drying his/her plate and mug.) But I think my parents were happy to know I was safe and they knew who my friends were. And now my friends still ask after Mum & Dad and recall those days fondly, and comment on how welcoming they were. So hope your kids' friends think as well of you in years to come :)

HappyMummyOfOne · 10/09/2011 09:47

Perhaps your childrens friends parents dont want children in their home so they have no choice but to not go there. It never bothers me in the slightest DS having friends over, I wasnt allowed this when I was younger and it was both embarrasing and sad and I want DS to have better memories from his childhood.

However it would never cross my mind to shower whilst he had friends over so the towel thing would never occur.

anewyear · 10/09/2011 09:58

I always seem to have a house full too, I have 2 boys, one is 13 tommorow, the other is 10 in 12 days, their friends seemed to spend a lot of the summer here, along with the kids I childmind..
Yes I do moan occassionally, but to be honest, at least I know where they are!!!

IloveJudgeJudy · 10/09/2011 11:30

I never mind when my DC have friends round. I now don't always offer everyone dinner as we are the least well off of the families from which the other DC come. I don't feel guilty about that any more. DS1 and his friends do go out quite a bit, though, but I'm often faced with a non-family member at weekend breakfast. I'm OK with that. I like it that everyone feels they can come round here and feel welcome.

I do get what you say, OP, about yours never going to anyone else's house, but I would just take it as a compliment that they all want to be in your house. It really is a big compliment. Also, you know who your DC's friends are and what they're doing.

therealmrsbeckham · 10/09/2011 11:41

I always have a house full of children before and after school too. We don't live very far from DD's secondary school and so our house has become a central meeting point! I never know who will be at home with DD when I get back from picking DS1 up from primary school, but I really like it and take it as a compliment.
I like the fact that my DC's friends feel welcome here and to stop them from raiding my cupboards I now have a designated 'after school snack box' which they are all allowed to help themselves too - it saves me a fortune.

Also like judy says it helps me keep in touch with DD and her friends and know what they are doing. The other DC's parents seem to really like this arrangement too

zelda1982 · 10/09/2011 11:41

Growing up we always had frends oer, our house was always the one where the kids came and my brother and i loved it. Our friends all loved my mam as she was so laid back etc. I'd love the same for my dd's but Dp is a very private person and doesn't like kids coming in so looks like they wont have the same experience as me :(

Mandy2003 · 10/09/2011 12:57

You must end up with a houseful of kids because you're a lovely mum

zipzap · 10/09/2011 13:59

What would happen if next time some kids were around - say the ones you said had been at yours all summer - you said to them that today you'd got lOts of jobs to do so that it was their turn to have yor dc at their house for a change rather than play at yours and see what they say.

You can be very nice about it and say that you are not chucking them out permanently but that sometimes there are times when it's not always convenient to have a houseful of kids and also that although it is nice to go round to other people's houses to play that it is nice for your kids to go to different houses too. Etc etc.

They are either going to say that's fine or they ae going to go a bit quiet and start to um and ah and you'll discover why it is a problem to go to their house and make a judgement on whether they are escaping a miserable home life or just have a mum who is more assertive at making sure she doesnt have a houseful!

Original poster

whatever17 · 17/09/2011 22:20

Well - after a whole day of a (lovely) brother and sister team (my 12 year old's friends) I texted their mum and said - sending your kids home for tea - can I send mine too?

She said, sure - we are having curry. I said won't eat curry can I send him round with a tin of beans for beans on toast? She said, yep - no probs. The Dad has just been round to collect some x-box games and said - he is staying with us tonight, you need a break and we are happy to have him.

Lesson to self - ask for help.

OP posts:

stabbystabbykillkill · 17/09/2011 22:23

Oh that's so good to hear.

I have a houseful - friend of DD's who kind of got foisted on me for a sleepover and I'm dreading the wee small hours because I just know I will be the wild haired woman reading the riot act at 3am

And my house is always full of random children. And I was giving off stink about the way they eat me out of house and home and I can't keep a decent biscuit to have with my

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