To ask what is the daftest word you use to avoid swearing?

[joannita]

I thought my swear filter was shit hot (I used to be a teacher) turns out it's just shit! Am trying hard not to swear in front of ds who is 20 months and copies everything I say! Just wondered what words you use instead of swearwords...

I like "sugar butties" instead of shit

Haven't come up with anything satisfying instead of fuck.

Ha ha that sounds terrible!

fiddlesticks

I usually try sugar instead of shit and flip instead of fuck but I got cut up by a bus the other day and (mainly becuase I was quite shaken up) I stook my head out of the window and blasted him with as many expletives I could think of, ending with "Fuck you, you twat!" and my son now says "Tat" at buses

Its so unusual because I'm normally the one getting laughed at for saying "Oh my giddy aunt!" where everyone else would have said shit or fuck ha ha

Oh Ffffflippity-floppity!

Makes me sound like a complete eejit but avoids the use of something worse in front of my 2yo parrot.

Fffffffffforgoodnesssake. Use that a lot.

Left to my own, irritable devices, I say For Fuck Sake! constantly. I was losing money hand over fist after I told DD I'd pay her 50p every time I said fuck. I didn't bank on her bionic hearing, so even if I muttered it under my breath she would hear from the next room and shout 'that's another 50p mum'. I decided I had to find something equally satisfying to say, and settled on For Fen! which I think means the same in Danish (thanks 'The Killing') and has the same satisfying mouth feel to it. It's so ingrained that I now say it even when alone, and save FFS for when I'm really frustrated.

I say Arse! constantly, and so does DD, although she knows not to say it in front of other people.

Oh BODGERS!! I use it a lot.

I say bollocks a lot, and suspect I may need a replacement as DD gets older. I do sometimes say 'oh rubbish'.

Also crumpets, fiddlesticks, bugger. Nothing adequately replaces 'Oh, FUCKING hell' though, does it? And when you stub your toe on the door, what do you say? 'Crumpets' doesn't quite cut the mustard...

I say sugarpuffs for sh*t. I once got a round of applause in a pub for my restraint when I knocked a drink over.

Cockadoody and cockmonkey. And "FISHFLAPS!"

Slightly off topic but (if you will forgive the expression) wtf.

When my parents and I first met the mother of the young man who went on to be my sister's first husband we knew she was a strict Methodist and we had to behave ourselves and watch our language. I was 9 and I hope that wasn't a problem for me; the problem was likely to be my father.

But it was my mother who stopped the car outside a sweet shop and sent me in to get a bag of her favourite sweets. Unfortunately she asked for a bag of sharley buggers and when I got back in the car the temperature had gone down, down, down.

Andrew

Fo (fuck)
Bass (bastard)
Stuff (shit)

I decided to use those words instead of swear words because my friend's SIL hates swearing.

Heard my friend once saying "Oh for stuff's sake, would you just Fo off you Bass".

Daddy Danglers for bollocks.
poo = shit
Fudge = fuck

Although my latest has to be "Oh for love of all things holy"

Mother Hubbard!

I think I am probably a bit odd, I tend to just kind of go 'bahhh!' instead; but then it has never sounded right when I try to swear properly, I just sound like a little kid playing with the words.

Daddy danglers

"Oh pants!" has quite an emphatic feel to it

"Oh fffffffffffor pity's sake" makes it's way out fairly often too - I now work with adults with LD (previously teens) so the occasional "bugger" just raises a giggle but the habit of just not is entrenched

I have a real potty mouth outside work though

My mate once decided against describing her DH as a prat to her son's infant school teacher sort of at the last minute but it went wrong and she ended up saying, "Oh please don't mind my husband. He can be a bit of a pr...ICK"

She is a teacher in the adjoining Junior school so it was quite surprising for all the other parents who were listening to this informal exchange.

'oh for five minutes' (for fucks sake)

'Christmas baubles' (bollox)

Bar steward, shoot and bums. DS2 has a habit of saying what the heck and dammit, wouldnt be so bad if he wasnt only 4 , if he ever said it to his nursery teacher her cats bum face would last all term

Fishcakes works for me.

Sugar = shit
Poo = shit
Bozo or numpty for stupid people
Pants is quite nice
I really try hard not to swear but have been known to call a pupil a knob under my breath when I've kicked them out of my room, much to the amusement of the kids sat by the door(I teach secondary)!

Ecclefechan is almost as good as a heartfelt fucking hell.

Ah, this takes me back.

Fuck = Puck

Not quite as satisfying, but what can you do?

The best bet when you really need to swear is to think up a long stream of nonsense.

"Oh poop"

"What the Jeff!"

"FFS" (as "Eff Eff Ess")

Fudgemonkey! I use it all the time, even in situations where I am able to swear!