Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to be a bit annoyed at the inlaws telling my 4 year old dd what they are going to buy her for xmas? also how should i handle this

79 replies

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 10:31

so when the inlaws had dd in aug for the night, dd told them she liked her friends princess cooker, [dd already has a cooker in her playhouse],anyway so the inlaws told her they would buy her one for xmas.
this was in august and dd is only just 4.
anyway dd came home and told us this, and we just said, oh well you'll have to see what father christmas brings you, if you very good. and left it at that

anyway mil has emailed to say shes told dd she will buy her this and should she go ahead and get it, as she needs to get it soon....

i don't really mind what they get her, but it seems a bit much to tell a 4 year old in aug what they will be getting her.

it seems a bit of a waste of money as dd only likes it because its princess branded, it has bad reviews, she already has a kitchen, but i don't really care if its not that great, what bothering me is spoiling the magic for a 4 year old

we want dd to experience the magic of christmas and to think father christmas exists, esp while she is still so young, and the children tend to work out earlier and earlier that theres no such thing as father christmas.
but we wanted to do the whole carrot and mince pie thing

anyway to me it just seems to take the magic out of it, esp telling her 4 months early what they will be buying.
4 months is like 4 years to a 4 year old

so 1, aibu?
and 2 wwyd in this situation, how woul you handle it

OP posts:

BorderBinLiner · 09/09/2011 11:45

It is completely unacceptable to talk about Christmas in August.
Christmas is just one celebration in a childs life, there are lots of other landmarks to look forward to and enjoyed and I dislike the sheer marketing hype that's crept around all of them but Christmas in particular. It's capable of completely overshadowing everything else for months.
Before you get to mid winter you can pick and choose from:

Back to School
The entire season of Autumn with bonfire night and Halloween
Birthdays - friends and families
Half term
Arrival of winter - maybe snow?
Various religious festivals.....

I'd email back or better telephone with a very casual "it's far too far away" play the old fashioned, in your day card xmas did'n't last from september to december card.

DD when 3 fuelled by grandparents and nursey spoke of xmas wishlists for two months - nightmare

woahthere · 09/09/2011 11:47

I dont understand what is too far away. The PIL have emailed the parent, not the child! I'm sure they wont mention it again!

mumeeee · 09/09/2011 11:49

YABU, Father Christmas doesn't buy all presents, He just buys stocking stuffm

mrsscoob · 09/09/2011 11:49

BorderBinLiner.... Do you think someone should be bought a toy kitchen to celebrate the arrival of winter or Halloween?

Takitezee · 09/09/2011 11:54

YABU. The reason that they told her in August was because she mentioned it to them in August.

I think this is a non-issue and don't understand why you have made it into a big deal.

duckdodgers · 09/09/2011 11:54

Theres always a scrooge that comes along moaning about the commercialism of Christmas. If people want to get prepared and start thinking about Christmas in August they can, I think it makes sense for financial reasons to. I love the excitement of my kids looking forward to Christmas.

Whitershadeofpale · 09/09/2011 12:01

switchtvoffdosomelessboring In my house presents all come from Father Christmas but Mum and Dad have to pay him for them. That way they understand when they are older why some people get more than others. All other presents are wrapped and under the tree and labeled from the giver.

BlueFergie · 09/09/2011 12:34

I think it is perfectly ok for someone to tell a child they can have something for Christmas in August. In fact I prefer that my kids nail down what they want early so I can go out and buy them before the toy shops turn into an absoloute nightmare. Plus I have to start buying stuff around now because, both my kids birthdays are within 3 weeks of Christmas so I need to spread the cost of 4 lots of presents, as well as warn everyone else what I have bought so there is no doubling up. This has happened on a couple of occassions someone arriving with a birthday present that Santa was going to bring. Meaning I have to traipse back to the horror story that is a toy shop 2 weeks before Christmas and try and find something to replace it.
I think you have issues with your PIL and this is irritating you beyond all sense of proportion.

BorderBinLiner · 09/09/2011 12:36

Mrs Scoob I shall not be celebrating the arrival of Autumn with toy domestic goods although I'd like a nice new shiney kitchen myself.

My 4 year old gets fixated excited about up coming events but has no sense of timescale. A summer holiday booked in January got mentioned for the next two months including a major meltdown over why we had n't gone in mid Feb. So I tend to time announcements close to the event, so we can get excited and prepare beforehand. My heart would sink if someone started talking about Christmas to a 4 year old in August.

Surely the correct response to a 4 year old in August is to say Christmas is a long way off we have birthdays/All Saints day/Carniaval to look forward to first. We'll talk about toy kitchens later/play with the lovelyone you already have/visit your friend.

Hullygully · 09/09/2011 12:38

you are being just a weensy tiddly bit barking

EssentialFattyAcid · 09/09/2011 12:38

You are making an unecessarily big deal of this imo

Hullygully · 09/09/2011 12:39

It is completely unacceptable to talk about Christmas in August.

Best sentence of the day so far

Hullygully · 09/09/2011 12:39

I love your list Border, of the right order in which to mention things. It is quite simply superb.

woahthere · 09/09/2011 12:43

borderbinliner Surely the correct response to a 4 year old in August is to say Christmas is a long way off we have birthdays/All Saints day/Carniaval to look forward to first. We'll talk about toy kitchens later/play with the lovelyone you already have/visit your friend.
I dont think the little girl asked for it for Christmas at all from what I can make out. Probably she said she liked it and the gp's then e-mailed the parents asking if they could get it her, I really dont see why it would matter

BorderBinLiner · 09/09/2011 12:43

Tis completely it is.

Pantone · 09/09/2011 12:46

I think you are being quite precious about it. I am three kids down the line and I would be very grateful for such a generous present that my daughter would have loved (however vile it is in real life!). My children never ever thought that granparents presents came from FC as that would be completely dismissing the real life kind thoughts from your own relations!

Hullygully · 09/09/2011 12:47

The entire season of Autumn with bonfire night and Halloween

Hullygully · 09/09/2011 12:47

Arrival of winter - maybe snow?

FootprintsOnTheMoon · 09/09/2011 12:47

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think OP has majorly missed the point.

It's not the case that the GPs wanted to tell your Dd what she'd be getting her fpr Christmas. They were just validating her wanting the kitchen that she saw, without actually getting it there and then.

We do this in shops all the time. "Wow - yes, that Lego looks fantastic, DS. Do you think maybe Santa might bring it/ you might like it for your birthday?" . No tantrums, no spending - and you do get a fair idea of what kind of thing are personally appealing to them (not always what you'd imagine).

On a separate point your GPs are probably gearing up for Christmas, and see no reason why no proceed with the kitchen, unless you advise otherwise.

It's really no big deal.

AfternoonDelight · 09/09/2011 12:50

I'm with the posters that don't get why all presents have to be from Father Christmas.

My children get presents from me and DP, Father Christmas, and various members of the family. So for the "spoiling the magic" part YABU.

However mentioning to a 4yo what you're going to get them for Christmas in August is a bit U. Usually because by the time Christmas comes they'll have gone off whatever it is they wanted back then and will have moved on to something more shiny

BorderBinLiner · 09/09/2011 12:56

Join us Hully on the 'Poncetastic Autumn - bugger the chutney I'm ready and waiting with my ovenbaked conkers' thread.

Newmummytobe79 · 09/09/2011 13:07

Jeesh I bet OP wish she'd never posted this now! I really don't think she's made a big deal out of this, I think it's a case of she got an email this morning and it annoyed her, so she came on here for a bit of support and got a bashing over Christmas!

Have you never been angry about something and then calmed down later? It just happens she posted this when angry ... and if she's been brought up to believe all presents are nice surprises (as I have) - then yes, it is odd to discuss it with a four year old!

I really don't think this is her biggest issue in life like some posters have said - it's just been made in to a huge issue on here!

I hope she's enjoying her bath and doesn't come back to this thread

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 15:04

i give up!

i think it's silly to tell a 4 year old what she will be getting for xmas in aug
because

1, i don't think she should be getting hyped up about xmas in the summer, goodness knows what state she would be by end of dec

2, i don't want dd ASKING for things next year, this year she said she liked it, that was all, i think the correct response to that is, oh that sounds lovely....
be horrible if dd started saying i WANT that etc

3, i think it sounds very brattish a 4 year old going round saying I AM getting x for xmas

i have no issues with pil, yes they have a few quirks like we all do.

anyway i can't be bothered to repeat the same things over and over.

anyway thanks for any genuine replies

you know who you are

OP posts:

Hullygully · 09/09/2011 16:04

where is the poncetastic autumn thread?

are there rules?

i like the rules

G1nger · 09/09/2011 16:13

Oh come on now, OP. Let me get my answer in edgeways. You've asked:

"Do you think its a good idea or ok to tell a 4 year old what you are going to buy for them for xmas in aug?"

YES.

Thank you.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread