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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit annoyed at the inlaws telling my 4 year old dd what they are going to buy her for xmas? also how should i handle this

79 replies

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 10:31

so when the inlaws had dd in aug for the night, dd told them she liked her friends princess cooker, [dd already has a cooker in her playhouse],anyway so the inlaws told her they would buy her one for xmas.
this was in august and dd is only just 4.
anyway dd came home and told us this, and we just said, oh well you'll have to see what father christmas brings you, if you very good. and left it at that

anyway mil has emailed to say shes told dd she will buy her this and should she go ahead and get it, as she needs to get it soon....

i don't really mind what they get her, but it seems a bit much to tell a 4 year old in aug what they will be getting her.

it seems a bit of a waste of money as dd only likes it because its princess branded, it has bad reviews, she already has a kitchen, but i don't really care if its not that great, what bothering me is spoiling the magic for a 4 year old

we want dd to experience the magic of christmas and to think father christmas exists, esp while she is still so young, and the children tend to work out earlier and earlier that theres no such thing as father christmas.
but we wanted to do the whole carrot and mince pie thing

anyway to me it just seems to take the magic out of it, esp telling her 4 months early what they will be buying.
4 months is like 4 years to a 4 year old

so 1, aibu?
and 2 wwyd in this situation, how woul you handle it

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByATroll · 09/09/2011 11:01

I shouldn't worry, my DD is 12 next month and I think she still believes in Father Christmas (bless!). The other week she asked me whether I bought her some artists materials last year or were they from Santa? And we have always done the presents from relatives as a separate pile to those from Father Christmas. In fact, one year my stupid DH wrapped my present in the same paper that I had used for her Father Christmas presents, saying she wouldn't notice, but she did, and commented on the fact that Father Christmas had the same wrapping paper as Daddy.

Disclaimer - I never say Santa - presume she picked that up from American shite tv channels.

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:02

a curry is not a bad idea!

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 09/09/2011 11:06

Mix the glitter up with some porridge oats and it becomes reindeer food so they know where to land!

But beware that if you leave too much they will notice that it hasn't been eaten, unless you go and clear it up.

BlueFergie · 09/09/2011 11:08

I have to say OP I have absoloutly no idea what your problem is. You say you were never going to pretend GPs present came from FC so why on earth are you going on about leaving out carrotts and mince pies and runing the magic? How does what your ILs give her impact this in the slightest?
Are you worried that the magic of getting this one present from GPs may be ruined? It won't be, by the way, if you don't mention it she will more than likely forget or else she will be excited about getting it. Even if she is a bit underwhelmed as she knew what she was getting so what? You will have had all of the FC magic that morning and it will be the ILs who will miss out. If this bothers them they won't tell her again in advance.

sue52 · 09/09/2011 11:08

YABU. We also did the stocking from Father Christmas and the big ticket items from Mummy, Daddy and various family members. This also makes children understand if you say you cannot afford the entire Argos toy section.

cornsylk · 09/09/2011 11:10

Blimey you lot read the thread before posting - it's the telling her dd about her christmas present in August that the OP is talking about.

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:13

i have already explained, we still willdo the carrot and mince pie thing.

what i was trying to get across, was i feel it spoils the magic, telling a 4 year old what you are going ot buy them in aug.

OP posts:

mummytime · 09/09/2011 11:15

Why haven't you told the grandparent why you don't think this is a great present (eg. she already has a cooker, just wants it because it is princess brand, and it doesn't have good reviews). Then maybe give them some hints as to what you think would be a better present.
Is there some reason they need to buy presents early?

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:16

i only got the email today, an haven't replied yet!

OP posts:

sjuperwolef · 09/09/2011 11:18

i used to take dd shopping with me for her xmas presents till she was alomost 5, i'd tell her her birthday and xmas presents and agree to buy what she wanted - come xmas and birthdays she was always excited the 'magic' was there still as she knew that santa and the birthday fairy had helped choose her presents and mummy had bought them.

she is now 6 1/2 i dont take her with me anymore and i say ''we'll have to see what santa says'' when she asks for a certain toy etc, she has no memory of us shopping for her xmas or birthday presents and xmas is still a ver exciting time in our house.

yabu.

your mil has mentioned one present to your 4 yr old not a whole list.

BlueFergie · 09/09/2011 11:18

How though? How does it spoil the magic? Its just one present. She is excited about it now. If anything it just extends the magic. My kids have already decided what they are going to ask FC for (they are only allowed ask for one thing).
I am holding off writing the letters so to allow them change their minds, but going on past experience they won't, they'll write the letter in Oct, I'll buy the stuff and they'll excitedly talk about the present they are getting until Christmas. When they will be over the moon with the one present they knew about as well as all the surprises that come with them.
Still have a house full of magic here

southmum · 09/09/2011 11:19

YABU

EVERYONE knows that presents are bought by Mum, Dad, Granny etc, but then throughout December Father Christmas goes to everyones house and takes them away to keep until Christmas Eve where he brings them back all wrapped up

duckdodgers · 09/09/2011 11:19

I know you keep saying you didnt want the magic spoiled for your DD but I still dont get why the GPs tellling your DD what they want to get her means you felt you couldnt leave out mince pies etc (although you are now saying you will)??

woahthere · 09/09/2011 11:24

I think youre worrying too much. It definately wont spoilt the magic of Christmas. If you dont mention the kitchen again it will be pretty much forgotten by then anyway, and even if it isnt, its only 1 present isnt it, there is so much more to Christmas than keeping all the presents a secret until Christmas, the whole experience, putting the tree up, christmas dinner etc will be what makes it magic...not one present. I wouldnt say anything, if thats the worse thing you have to worry about at Christmas time then you are blessed indeed.

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:26

ok forget the magic, you can;'t see what i'm trying to explain, so lets forget that part of it.
yes there will still be lots of magic whatever do do, so lets forget that.

so you think its a good idea or ok to tell a 4 year old what you are going to buy for them for xmas in aug?

OP posts:

NestaFiesta · 09/09/2011 11:27

YABU and OTT.

Grandparents saying "we'll get you one for Christmas" in August is just a way of averting kids from thinking they can have everything straight away. We are teaching our DSs that they have to learn to wait for stuff. They don't just get stuff because they want it on the spot. The wait makes it all the more exciting when they finally get the gift.

Secondly, the GPs aren't being arbitrary, they have checked with you, "should we get it now?".

Thirdly, they are not ruining the magic of Christmas. In our house, we post all our presents to Santa who then brings them down the chimney. If our kids are naughty, then obviously they will only be getting a sack of potatoes.

If this is your biggest Christmas crisis then you are very lucky!

On the positive side, your DD has caring and generous GPs who want to be part of her life.

sjuperwolef · 09/09/2011 11:27

perfectly ok, yes.

woahthere · 09/09/2011 11:28

Can I just tell you what we do, not that you have to do it too or that its the right way, but just a suggestion. We keep the Father Christmas and everyones elses presents seperate. Father Christmas brings a stocking which contains novelty things, small gifts, yo yo's, candysticks, wooden train, ragdoll...that kind of thing and that is what gets filled up over night. All other presents are presented as they are from the people they are from...this way they actually get thanked for it! Father Christmas doesnt bring everything! He has a lot of children to visit you know!

NestaFiesta · 09/09/2011 11:29

OP- yes. DS is looking forward to getting a Mariokarts Wii game and we told him in August. I can assure you it has not ruined the mystique of Christmas for him.

woahthere · 09/09/2011 11:30

It doesnt sound like they were being spiteful, it sounds like they noticed she liked the kitchen, said 'ooh, would you like that for Christmas' and she has said yes, so now they have nicely informed you that thats what they will be doing, my Mum likes to get her Christmas shopping done early, they might do too.

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:30

i don't believe i have said if i have anything else to worry about over christmas,so don't assume i have nothing else to worry about, just this has come up now as i got an email about it today.

theres plenty of things that come up over christmas but i actually haven't thpught about them yet, and i wont until nearer the time

OP posts:

offonajolly · 09/09/2011 11:32

Doesn't matter when they tell your daughter what they will get, has no affect on anyone other than the fact that your dd can look forward to getting something she would like.

Not weird, totally ok and really, there are more things that are strange than giving someone 4 months notice on a gift.

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:32

i certainly am not suggesting they are trying to be spiteful at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

carriedababi · 09/09/2011 11:34

right i'm off for a nice bath now.

addios

OP posts:

mrsscoob · 09/09/2011 11:45

I think this is a very odd thing to be concerned about and think that you perhaps you have other issues with your PIL? If that is the case it can often make really trivial things seem like a big deal.

I do think YABU it is only one present that she knows about. I actually really can't see the problem with this, it is a big item which isn't an everyday purchase and her grandparents wanted to buy it for her but not in the middle of August so told her she would get it for Christmas instead. Don't see how this spoils any "magic" plus I always think it is exciting for a child to know one or two of the things they are getting, it gives them something to look forward too, not everything has to be a surprise.

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