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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel awful about the colleague being dismissed and I was his accompanying support.

23 replies

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 21:55

I just keep thinking about it and wondering if I could have done anything differently to change the outcome and save him from dismissal as I represented and advised him. I keep worrying that I didn't make myself crystal clear.

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BlueCat2010 · 08/09/2011 21:59

Not knowing the circumstances no-one on here will be able to advise you, so write it down to get it out of your head and then sleep on it. If you still feel the same way then take the opportunity you will have been given to appeal (or ask your colleague if they want to appeal)

LovelyCuppa · 08/09/2011 21:59

Oh no

What did they give as the reason for dismissal instead of a warning? He can still appeal.

Did he say about the depression and being off meds etc?

Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:02

Hi blue cat the thread was on yesterday in the employment section with a link to the origional.

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edam · 08/09/2011 22:02

That sounds very, very hard. But I'm sure you did your level best for him.

aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 22:05

Is this the inappropriate guy??

I can't comment on his case but you're going to feel bad... I had to represent a uni tutor once, he'd shagged a female exchange student. He was a bloody good tutor, he wasn't HER tutor, she was I'm afraid to say, over here to gain more than a degree and I hate myself for saying that as I think many thought I should be on her side as the 'poor female victim' but she wasn't.

He got dismissed. And it was probably the RIGHT decision, but I liked the guy and felt for him, he was a loss to the department and I felt shit that I couldn't (emotionally) convince the tribunal to give him another chance.

It will pass. You did nothing wrong. You helped him give it his best shot. Not your fault. You did good. Am I allow to (((hug))) on the tinternet or is that a sackable offence???? Chin up chuck.

Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:08

I cited the fact that a manager was aware of another incident that wasn't a formal complaint and hadn't raised the issue with him .... this was several weeks before this occured. I put it to them that had it been addressed at that time that he would have changed his behaviour. The colleague didn't help himself because I think he was so nervous and when the interviewer asked him if the behaviour was inappropriate my colleague stupidly ummed and arred saying well....... instead of yes it definately was inappropriate with hindsight and it most certainly won't happen again iyswim I cited mental health and pointed out that due to the customer having depression/ bereaved she could not solely accuse x of the sleeplessness and that as a HCP this is a classic sign of depression/ stress whether this had occured or not and had she not been unwell herself she may have reacted quite differently. X however proceeded to insinuate that there was a conspiracy, almost accusing the managers of plotting to sack him That was very embarrassing.

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Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:10

Thanks Aldi yes it is him Just know how much debt he is in and feel so sorry for him.

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Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:12

On the plus side the guy doing the interviewing said that I had done well, but not sure if he meant fought the corner well or given them the ammunition they needed

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MadamDeathstare · 08/09/2011 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 22:14

I think you've got too close because you have a good heart. I'm really sad for you, honestly, in a non wishy washy way!! You were honest.

LovelyCuppa · 08/09/2011 22:15

Oh dear. Sounds like you did everything you could. If he didn't hold his hands up and reassure he'd never do it again after you'd suggested it there's not much you can do.

Try to remember that ultimately he is responsible for himself. It's not your fault and there's always the appeal if he wants.

Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:15

I feel bad for thinking that it was the right decision because of his lack of incite tonight iyswim as well.

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Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:17

He does want to appeal, not that I am hopeful he will win now after today. I think he pretty much sealed his own fate.

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MrPinkSoundsLikeMrPussy · 08/09/2011 22:21

I have just been involved in my first Gross misconduct dismissal and it was very uncomfortable especially as the collegue just wouldn't admit he knew what had happened was very inappropriate, I'm convinced that if he had admitted it the outcome would have been a level 2 warning.
I felt sorry for his family but ultimatley his behaviour and actions caused the outcome, not mine.

Can you link to your thread? I can't find it.

Tyr · 08/09/2011 22:22

It happens sometimes in court too. You get the wrong judge on the wrong day and no matter how good your case is, you don't get the result.
Assuming your client is up for it, dust yourself off and lodge your appeal.
If you aren't going to appeal, comfort yourself with the knowledge that you helped him through the ordeal. You've also learnt from it which you can use to help someone else.
I'm sure you did your best. Don't beat yourself up about it.

slavetofilofax · 08/09/2011 22:24

Sounds like you dis a brilliant job representing him.

You have to remember that sexual harrasment cases are a huge headache for companies, and as they know he has behaved innapropriately twice, they won't want to take the gamble. Understandable really.

Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:28

these are the links www.mumsnet.com/Talk/employment_issues/1295183-dicsiplinary-matter-for-a-colleague-advice-please-as-accompanying-him-to-this and this one www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1295166-to-think-that-this-disciplinary-hearing-for-a-colleague-I-am-assisting-has-been-badly-handled
Its funny you should say about preparing a case because he wants to appeal. I do feel like a lawyer lol

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Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:30

MrPink this was mine too (first case) and yes ultimately it was his behaviour. I think I warned him on one occasion although jokingly that it could get him into trouble but he just laughed it off and said 'the ladies love it'.

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aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 22:32

Bless you, you were fighting a losing battle!! But you at least tried to make it a fair fight.

MadamDeathstare · 08/09/2011 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass · 08/09/2011 22:37

Look, you did your best and you are obviously a very kind person. However, this old perve did himself no favours and the company decided they couldn't risk him doing it again or doing something worse. Try not to let it get to you.

Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:38

I know! He just didn't get that it was unacceptable. He tried to say that he warned the lady and pointed downwards when stating what this memory involved and that she said ok. Now if he said he got it caught in his flies and ended up in A + E that may have been mildly amusing but to discuss pulling it and thinking it would drop off creates an image you really don't want to see.

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Original poster

thecaptaincrocfamily · 08/09/2011 22:39

Thanks all of you, I do feel much better now just discussing it and will sleep easy

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