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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel disgusted and very sad about this being said to/in front of children?

85 replies

PotterWatch · 08/09/2011 19:56

Why is it that bad language seems to be no bad things to many parents? I am getting increasingly fed up of people swearing at their children, within earshot of mine. I don't use that language around them, and I don't want them picking it up whilst they are so young. Unfortunately I know they will through school eventually.

Was in town with DH last week. Walking past a mother who was moaning at her DD about not wearing socks and now her shoes were rubbing, as we walked past, she said "put your fucking socks on". At first I thought I was hearing things but DH did confirm it.

Outside nursery on Monday, first day back. Within 30 seconds of being stood there, mother calls her DD a "little fucker" (actually speaking to her) and said fuck in the same sentence. Had this problem last term when a mum called her DS a "little shit" and her friend laughed and said "yeah punch him in the face" Hmm

I have complained to the nursery and I will every time I hear it. No wonder I heard a parent warning the nursery workers a little while ago that her DD was saying the F word and admitted she got it from home.

This is just the people I don't know. Then some of my friends use some swear words in front of their children then say "ooopps DS/DD said shit the other day" or something along those lines. Yes of course they do if you bloody say it!!

I HATE swearing in front of children. There is no need for it. I used to be terrible but I can actually control what comes out of my mouth, it isn't that bloody difficult (like some of my friends seem to think).

OP posts:
babybythesea · 08/09/2011 23:18

There's also a difference between letting out one swear word once in a while, and those words pervading your speech so often that you don't even realise you're doing it.

ouryve · 08/09/2011 23:18

YANBU. Makes me cringe :(

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/09/2011 07:24

YANBU... but why don't you say something to the people who are swearing rather than tutting in private? A raised eyebrow, hard stare and the word 'language!' might be enough... might get you a tirade of abuse, of course.... but I think those of us who object to swearing in public have to be braver if it's ever going to change.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 09/09/2011 07:45

YANBU, I try not to swear in front of my Dc but occasionally slip up. The most recent being when I dropped a fresh out the oven cake on my foot and screamed "oh shit". I didn't think Ds1 (2yrs old) had taken any notice but later on in the day he dropped a toy and said "oh shit" Blush

I went to my local sure start fun day last week. In one corner of the building they had a little play area/sensory area for babies with the nursery workers looking after them so mums and dads could leave them for 10mins a get a cup of tea etc.

When I came back there was a girl of maybe 9/10yrs old sat there with the babies playing with them. EVERY 10mins the girls mum would walk past and shout over all the noise "Oh you're still there you fucking little tramp" Why don't you go play with kids your own age you fucking little tramp" I felt very Sad for that little girl but didn't really want my ds1 hearing that now e's repeating everything.

But what can you do? A mother who keeps calling her DD a "fucking tramp" is hardly someone who is gonna stop when asked and you'd more than likely get a mouthful of her or a punch in the face!

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 09/09/2011 07:46

Off a mouthful off her!

nickschick · 09/09/2011 08:08

I was in a shop and I heard a woman say if you fu*ing pull that down again Ill break your fuing fingers you little fu*er ......it was directed at a baby of about 9 months who was pulling her hood down on her pushchair - I was Shock.

When my dc were small and said swear words (Im no angel I do swear occasionally) I used to make them think of 5 words they could use instead so if the said shit I might help them think of words such as 'hells bells' 'goodness' and a favourite 'zut alor' that caused some funny looks off people Grin.

Once whilst in the chemist I heard this dreadful ringtone in was in a liverpool accent say 'oh fuck me fuckin phones ringing' louder and louder - nobody answered it and I was dying to see whose fone it was .........when i got home I realised I had a missed call - my teenage ds2 ad his friends had set me up Blush.

PanthroTheDeadly · 09/09/2011 08:22

LMAO at the ringtone nickschick!

I don't swear at my children, I don't use swear words when talking to my children. But I have been known to let loose a stream of curses that would make a sailor blush say the odd one or two expletives when driving and have had to apologise to them and warn them not to repeat otherwise Nanny would tell them off... Blush

Dawndonna · 09/09/2011 08:59

I don't like swearing at children, but as has been pointed out, it's not going to do any serious harm around them. I really don't see a problem with taboo language most of the time. What hacks me off more is that the worst taboo language is female related. 'Cunt' is the worst word one can use, and yet 'Prick' is perfectly acceptable and even light hearted. That annoys me. It's another way of putting women down. My kids get that lecture. They don't swear a great deal (they are teenagers) and no when it is and isn't appropriate.

Oh, and I get even more hacked off about people who say swearing means you can't express yourself adequately. Rubbish, just means you have a few extra words at your disposal.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 09/09/2011 09:13

I am struggling to see where the harm is of calling your child a silly sod. DD gets called that, dozy mare, daft bint and more.
I do swear, not at DD but around her and agree with Dawn, you just have a couple of extra words to use.
We moved back to England about 7 weeks ago. Me and DD were on a bus. A mother sitting in front of us was shrieking to her 3ish YO DD, about fucking off you little cunt you've made me do my scratch card wrong.
I was shocked at that.

fourkids · 09/09/2011 09:18

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs, which reinforces my suggestion earlier that it's all a bit subjective, I guess :)

BurningBridges · 09/09/2011 09:53

I sort of had to laugh when a child at DDs school told her to fuck off, then the head said there was no real point in reprimanding him, he wouldn't understand it was wrong to swear as his family "behaved differently" - is this some new category of SN they'd invented?! "Oh he can't help it, he's from a 'differently behaved' family" .... Hmm!

TotemPole · 09/09/2011 10:07

BurningBridges, I think it explains why the child thinks it's ok to swear. Using fuck, shit etc seems like second nature to them because these words are used around them so often. But the head and teachers should pull him up on it every single time.

How can you do a scratchcard wrong. Don't you just scratch off all the silver bits with a coin?Confused

Fimbo · 09/09/2011 10:20

My dad is 78 and I have never heard him swear ever. I was never brought up using swear words and I don't do it around my own children. Sometimes I use the f word if dh is fooling around and irritating me, but again not in front of the dc. In fact dh says it's not ladylike, stop it Grin

maxybrown · 09/09/2011 10:22

My Dh is terrible for swearing Blush but into the air iyswim - not directly AT anyone, he would never ever for exapmle call DS any swear name like some mentioned here.Shock but DS soon picked uop they were naughty words after being told off once for repeating something after DH (impressive seeing as he has verbal dyspraxia!) so he now uses his own word which is "bonkers".

So if for exaample DH swears in the car about someone else on the road. DS will say "that car was bonkers"

Burning - what a pathetic head teacher! I have worked with plenty of children that come from families like that. They have been told in no uncertain terms that although it may be ok to use that at home, it most certainly is not ok to use it in school AT ALL. Even the youngest ones soon cotton on.

knittedbreast · 09/09/2011 10:46

i dont mind bad language, what annoys me is when people dont know how to use all sorts of language in their appropriate situations.

what does fuck actually mean anyway?

LeQueen · 09/09/2011 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woahthere · 09/09/2011 11:45

nursery should send a letter to parents to ask people in or standing outside waitiing to refrain from using foul language and that if they continue to use it then they will have to make other arrangements for their children to be picked up. It should not be tolerated.

TastyMuffins · 09/09/2011 13:09

The offenders may well not stop if ticked off, that's only half the point, ticking them off shows your child it is unacceptable. I've objected to many people swearing and not once been punched but I'm prepared to risk it. Must admit, some of my objections have been while I've been cycling through the park and I have then raced off.

DrCoconut · 09/09/2011 13:20

I was looking at some old local newspapers from 1910 a couple of days ago. Each week there was a court proceedings column and it seems that being done for public swearing was the norm. They were fined 2 shillings and warned not to do it again. I said to DH that if they took everyone heard f'ing and blinding to court now they'd be open 24/7 with a queue to the next town!

BreconBeBuggered · 09/09/2011 14:13

I don't mind swearing amongst adults per se, but it gets tedious if every other word is a variant of 'fuck'. When my niece was young my sister's heart sank when she told her she knew 'some bad words beginning with F.C.O.L.'. After gentle enquiry the offending phrase turned out to be 'for crying out loud'.

everlong · 09/09/2011 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 09/09/2011 20:49

A few hours ago, I kid you not, I heard a woman say to a boy of six or seven as they passed going the other direction on the main shopping street of a town which shall be nameless, Stop that fucking swearing.

unpa1dcar3r · 09/09/2011 20:54

It makes me cringe whe i hear parents not only speaking to their children like that but losing it over something trivial and expecting so much from their children.
Of course if one were to say something they'd simply be told to eff off and mind their own beeswax but I do feel for the kids and know that when they grow up it will be considered the norm for them.
They become numbed to it and then when there really is a major issue the kids don't take any notice of the parents 'cos they've heard it all before.
As for the teacher calling his sons those names, well that is just vile. I pity the kids he teaches if he is their example.

AlwaysRocking · 09/09/2011 20:54

I admit I swear a lot when out with friends but since having dd there has been a lot of 'sugar' and 'bother' around here Smile

My mum has only ever once sworn in front of me, and in her defence she had just dropped a large pot on her foot (broken toe!)

People swearing at children makes me sad too.

reasonstobecheerful · 09/09/2011 20:56

I hear it all the time in my local town centre, mothers talking to little ones in buggies, no not talking to actually roaring at and every other word is fucking, one the other day bellowing at her tiny child that whatever was wrong with it was its own fucking problem. Utterly horrifying. Poor poor children.