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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel disgusted and very sad about this being said to/in front of children?

85 replies

PotterWatch · 08/09/2011 19:56

Why is it that bad language seems to be no bad things to many parents? I am getting increasingly fed up of people swearing at their children, within earshot of mine. I don't use that language around them, and I don't want them picking it up whilst they are so young. Unfortunately I know they will through school eventually.

Was in town with DH last week. Walking past a mother who was moaning at her DD about not wearing socks and now her shoes were rubbing, as we walked past, she said "put your fucking socks on". At first I thought I was hearing things but DH did confirm it.

Outside nursery on Monday, first day back. Within 30 seconds of being stood there, mother calls her DD a "little fucker" (actually speaking to her) and said fuck in the same sentence. Had this problem last term when a mum called her DS a "little shit" and her friend laughed and said "yeah punch him in the face"

I have complained to the nursery and I will every time I hear it. No wonder I heard a parent warning the nursery workers a little while ago that her DD was saying the F word and admitted she got it from home.

This is just the people I don't know. Then some of my friends use some swear words in front of their children then say "ooopps DS/DD said shit the other day" or something along those lines. Yes of course they do if you bloody say it!!

I HATE swearing in front of children. There is no need for it. I used to be terrible but I can actually control what comes out of my mouth, it isn't that bloody difficult (like some of my friends seem to think).

OP posts:

groak · 08/09/2011 20:36

I hate the swearing and also the atitude of parents that usually accompanies it. I was walking through town with dc and saw a mum with her young ds, prob about 3 or 4, shouting at him for walking on a small banking next to an underpass 'What yer doing? IFor fucks sake, would you dare, I mean walking like a spacker?'

i don't care how big my judgey pants are, she was young, caked in make-up loads of harsh black eyeliner, croydon facelift hairdo, with big gangsta stylee earings, plastic mega heeled boots leggings and little t-shrt. And the poor kid scampered after her quite merrily. I ovrcompensate when I'm in town with dc, singing away to wheels on bus like an idiot needs be, because I want them to know i love beng with them rather than the dregs that are swearing and being horrors at their kids

meditrina · 08/09/2011 20:50

I have shouted and sworn at my children sometimes, when I have really lost it with them. It had quite a dramatic effect because it was so out of character. Which it wouldn't have done if it had been part of daily interaction.

GingerWrath · 08/09/2011 20:56

I worked in a very macho male environment befor DD was born, I can swear like an expert and I can honestly say I have NEVER sworn in front of DD(5).
There is just no need, I say 'blimey' or 'sugar' instead. It's not hard!

DH spends a lot of time a year away from home in a male environment and he has never had to be reminded!

FredBare · 08/09/2011 20:56

i agree OP

I got back one holiday from Maldives and the contrast couldnt have been more stark. Poor people with very little except very good manners and hospitality vs foul mouth haridens who think the world owes them a living

i think swearing at kids is 20x worse than giving them a smack. How many times do you hear victims of DV say I wished he would just hit me and get it over with, the emotional abuse is so much harder

onepieceofcremeegg · 08/09/2011 20:57

Our 3 year old dd said once 'I heard x (another child) say "fucking" mummy, I didn't say "fucking" mummy, because "fucking" is a bad word and I'm not allowed to say "fucking" am I, "fucking" is a naughty word'

She enjoys winding us up. (has never said it since thankfully, although after dh got a bit cross in the car she asked me why daddy had called the other man a "big dick"!

(I was annoyed at dh but I'm not 100% innocent myself)

minimisschief · 08/09/2011 21:00

tbh i do not care if someone like stubs their toe and it blurts out. A child is going to pick it all up anyway and it will not kill them.

However calling your son/daughter vulgar names is just not on. It is basically a form of bullying/abuse

fourkids · 08/09/2011 21:18

"It isn't the type of language I use anyway. I might say bugger or shit when driving"

both of those words are swear words in our house. This leads me to think this is a bit of a subjective subject because someone using those words in front of (primary aged or younger anyway) DCs would make me

and Ormirian, "I never swear at my DC. As they get older I have been known to swear in their hearing", me too - rather deliberatly really, as if to try in my own clumsy way to demonstrate that if you are going to use an expletive, there are some which won't get you bollocked. "bollocked" is one that I have decided my teenage and nearly-teenage DCs are ready for!

cricketballs · 08/09/2011 21:48

its not just the swearing at their own kids though that winds me up, for example a few years ago, I was xmas shopping with ds who was about 11/12.

In the queue to pay for something and there was a mother and daughter behind me (daughter was about 20) having a loud conversation where every 2nd word began with 'f', after a couple of minutes squirming i asked them to control their language infront of my ds to which the rely was "for fucks sake, he'll here this all the time at school'. There was a man in front of me who turned around and said even when he was very drunk, he would not use that language in front of a child.....

usualsuspect · 08/09/2011 21:49

My teenage son swears

aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 21:52

I don't LIKE hearing people swearing, I don't like to swear myself. So your disgust is perfectly reasonable... YANBU

YABU to think that it will affect your children negatively. If you have a happy home, and good relationship with your kids, and they know that THEY can't say these words, then they won't be 'damaged'.

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2011 21:54

I will admit to having sworn in front of DC but unintentionally.

The worst was when DS2 was just about 2.7yrs and I had been trying to get home to watch the football (ok not important to some) anyway rushed indoors switched tv on and said "shit i missed the kickoff" it really wasn't intentional as I had been thinking it, I didn't actually realise I had said it until DS2 walked to me a while later (a week or so) and repeated what I had said.

I have been very careful since then.

cricketballs · 08/09/2011 21:56

apologise for my spelling/grammar - busy watching TV whilst typing!

despite the fact I hate to hear swearing I was the one who taught my dc the word shit when something goes wrong - I always thought they were out of earshot when I dropped something in the kitchen.....apparently not

fourkids · 08/09/2011 22:03

TBH I don't want to listen to aggressive and foul language, so I'd rather DCs didn't have to either.

There is a father at DCs' primary school who often calls his small DS a 'silly sod'. I find this a bit offensive and have seen other parents raise an eyebrow or two...but it is said in quite an affectionate way. back to it being a subjective I think (not that I think there is much subjectivity about some of the things being quoted on this thread!)

MadamDeathstare · 08/09/2011 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 22:11

Its not nice but you can only control what you can control, and the world is full of things you can't control and you don't like.

My kids have heard me swear, they don't swear (apart from the one time my 4 year old said BOLLOCKS when his spaghetti kept falling from his spoon, he got told off but 10/10 for context) they know that some things are for kids (I'm not allowed their sweeties) and some things are for adults (they are not allowed my gin).

Midori1999 · 08/09/2011 22:11

I do swear in front of my DC, none of them has ever sworn in front of me. I would absolutely not swear at then though, nor call them names, swearing or not.

The way some people speak to their DC is vile and surely that is the problem here, not the actual swear words?

I was with my friend, who lost her son to leukemia when he was 10, outside nursery once and we heard a mother say to her 4 year old 'in a minute I'm going to put my fucking hands around your fucking neck and strangle the fucking life out of you until your dead' Hideous, and if people speak to their child like that in public, I dread to think how they speak to them at home. My friend did say something.

lurkinginthebackground · 08/09/2011 22:16

Yanbu.
I hate to be near anyone who swears infront of my kids.
Fair enough if you are in a club at 2am but when I am shopping in broard daylight a 12 o'clock I don't want to hear people screaming abuse at each other. It's just a lack of manners and respect.

HairyGrotter · 08/09/2011 22:30

I swear in front of DD, she's 3 and has only repeated one word and used it in context.

I have never sworn 'at' her, but tell her she 'grinds my nuts' sometimes which often gets a few tuts.

Fuck it

FabbyChic · 08/09/2011 22:33

Sorry but I have always sworn in front of my kids, not at them but in front of them, they are now 23 and 18 and to this day I have NEVER heard them say a swear word.

Ever.

CocktailQueen · 08/09/2011 22:40

It's totally different letting slip a swear word when WITH your children than it is actually swearing AT your children. HAve done the former several times, have never done the latter. Vile.

But apart from swearing at children; what about the general prevalence of swearing? I was in the bank the other day and some younger people came in and queued and were chatting and every single sentence was fucking this and fucking that - ds was with me, but I was offended on my behalf - it was horrible and intimidating. What an appalling and unimaginative way to speak to someone. The others in the queue were just as disgusted and someone asked them to mind their language. Gah.

TastyMuffins · 08/09/2011 22:42

Tell people off if they swear! I make a point of asking people to mind their language in front of the children whenever people have sworn in front of my DS be that on a bus, in the park, in the shops, where ever.

I am still mighty surprised that I have yet to hear my DS utter a single swear word out loud. He knows them and will point out that someone said a bad word or there is a swear word written in graffiti. I like to think he's seen me embarrass enough teenagers and grown ups by telling them off that he wouldn't dare try. Maybe I'm just lucky.

babybythesea · 08/09/2011 23:11

Yes yes yes - I hate it too.
It's one of my pet peeves with my OH - he swears so much he often doesn't notice and I am the nag who has to keep pointing it out and reminding him not to. Although he got a big shock when his little angel (our 2yo is the embodiment of perfection in her Daddy's eyes) repeated back to him one of his swear words. I notice he's been a lot more careful since then.
I have to admit to letting one swear word out in front of her - dog got her head stuck in a gate and I couldn't get her out and I did use some 'interesting' language. Which came straight back at me. I have been extra careful since. So yes, when I am making such a huge effort to refrain from teaching my offspring words that are not necessarily socially acceptable, at an age when she doesn't understand that concept, I hate it when others fling them around like raindrops.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/09/2011 23:14

There is a huge difference between swearing at a child and swearing in front of a child. To swear at a child is completely unacceptable, under any circumstances.

I don't think that saying the odd swear word in front of a child is the worst thing in the world. There are other, far more important things that parents shouldn't do in front of their dc, like smoke or argue with their partner, or criticise the child's other parent. Those things are far more damaging than a child hearing the word 'fuck' periodically. It's only terrible if said to the child. Otherwise, it's just a word.

royaljelly · 08/09/2011 23:16

It does make you cringe sometimes. One 'mother'who usually catches the village bus into town, always says to her daughter of 4-5 'sit down you tw@t'. It makes me want to give her a serious talking too. But for the sake of public decency, and the fact I have a 2 yr old sat next to me, myself and other public transport users have to make do with tutting noises and dirty looks. She once commented on my pram and launched into a discussion on how her other 3 kids have been taken off her, ('but it ain't gonna happen this time').

The sooner the better I think.

Some people treat their children disgustingly; they then go on to produce the next generation of degenerate selfish parents.

FreudianSlipper · 08/09/2011 23:18

oh dear ds has heard me swear while driving dread to think what he hears his daddy say but he does know some words are naughty like shut up, i think he has learnt this from nursery as i have never told him to shut up (i have gone out of the room and said it under my breath with a naughty word thrown in)

but i never swear at him or am i aggressive towards him or others, just tend to over use the word bugger when driving

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