To find this shocking or should I loosen my judgey-pants?

[bluebellewood]

Visiting my local Coffee shop today I saw a child aged about three sitting at a table with somesort of DVD/ notebook type thing placed about an inch from her face. The child was mezmerised by a leaping, googly eyed,luminous green, computer generated character. The whole time that I was in the cafe she did not take her eyes from the screen.

The parents were enjoying their coffee whilst totally ignoring their child.

What sort of parents think it is a good idea to prevent their child from interacting and engaging with the world around them. To sit glued to a screen even when not at home.

I was so shocked I could have cried for that little girl.

No my dd 4.5 (sn) would not sit nicely commenting on the world and picking her nose, or playing with th sugar, at 3 she would be having a meltdown and wanting to go home, after buying said coffee and paying extortionate money for it: if a computer generated image allows me to consume it in peace without singing my mouth and making a dash so be it. Even non SN, you cannot interact with kids 24/7 no harm kids amusing themselves whilst parents are having a relaxing drink, hardly child abuse s it!

OP doesn't have a 3 year old of her own, obviously.

No she does not, the op does not know much about the average 3 year old. I think that she thinks that they are like mini adults interacting and behaving nicely, no no no not all

I would actually argue that it would be more of a problem if a 3 yo needed to be interacted with 24/7. 30 mins of being able to entertain themselves with something at that age is pretty normal I think.

Oh dear OP,YABU and a bit ridiculous.

I hope you don't ever see me in starbucks with my dd - after we have been to our local library (with lots and lots of interaction). I have been known to give my 23mo dd my phone to play some sparkly singing game so that I can have 15 mins drinking coffee and reading heat magazine a broadsheet newspaper.

I'm guessing your judgy pants are pulled up so high, they'll be difficult to de-wedgie, but loosen them a bit, there is nothing wrong with a parent wanting 10 or 15 or even 30 mins breathing space.

you have seen a snap shot of their day, the rest of their day may have totally been about entertaining their precious little one so wipe away your tears

really victorian values, the child would not be there or they would be expected to sit there and behave like an adult a very quiet adult they child was being entertained

Maybe be they wanted to be able to , for once, enjoy a coffee while still hot. Or maybe that child had been "interacted" with all day, and this was a quiet moment.

Maybe they had just had to walk around a shop, with the little darling on the Daddy's shoulder shouting "poo pumped" at the top of his voice, after he found it hilarious he farted on said Dads shoulders, announced he had done a "poo pump" then decided to shout it for ever more after being told to shush! Let me tell you, we went to a bleeding pub after that incident!

UABU "so shocked i could have cried for that child" really!! I would have been asking what it was and where i could get one...I have just spent two hours helping socks save the train set from the mean tiger!! I am done!

pigletmania Thu 08-Sep-11 17:48:27
My goodness don't get strangled by your judgypants. A lot of three year olds cannot sit still for a long time so when you go out for meal or drink, you take
distractions so that you can enjoy your meal in peace than running afteran active preschooler or averting a meltdown. You know nothing of the families circumstances, their child could have SN for all you know, and that's the only way to distract them while they have a nice drink.

There's your problem right there. When you become a mum you obviously give up the right to have selfish meals and drinks. You should be ay home fingerpainting, making your own houmous and reciting phonics. All day. Every day.

You should give your soul to your child, don't even dream of having a selfish drink in a coffee shop, no you should be interacting all the time to that child . I have been doing the phonics bit and finger painting bit, in between FAcebooking. Blimy don't shoot me down, I am so happy that dd has started school yay

I think I'd be quite happy for my DS to become engrossed for half an hour while I have a rare coffee with adult company!

What I did find surprising was that they now have little photo booth style machines that play cartoon clips. £1 for one clip, £2 for 3 - no idea how long it lasts but it struck me as odd. Could a child really not go out for the day without needing a screen fix?

The great Sidney Friedmann in MAS*H had a great suggestion as to what to do with judgeypants in situations like this one:

"ladies and gentlemen take my advice - pull down your pants and slide on the ice"

goes back to watching re-runs on TiVo whilst DS sods about refusing to get ready for bed

so let me ask you, OP, you see a child transfixed by a show on a laptop in a coffee shop while the parents enjoy their coffees and have no interaction with their child. At annother table another child is playing with little toys while the parents enjoy their coffee. Another child is reading while their parents are enjoying a coffee.

Had it been scenario 2 or 3 from above, would you have even noticed, let alone be arsed to start a thread?

Is your problem that the child was watching something on a laptop which you judge or do you genuinely think parents need to spend ALL of their time interacting with their kids?

I've seen the look on the faces of children who's parents insist on interaction 24/7... and it isn't one of happiness.

The healthy ground is the healthy middle ground. Maybe their middle ground happens in a coffee shop.

I'd be wearing my judgypants if I had to sit in a cafe and watch people letting their child play with the sugar that other people have got to use.

I wish I'd had something that ds would watch for half an hour when he was 3. He has ASD and at that age it was impossible to go anywhere even for a cup of tea, he would be trying to get out of the doors or hide under the tables (I'm sure he's double-jointed, no restaurant highchair could keep him in). There's a certain pizza hut that I will never set foot in again. Now he has an ipod and it's heaven. We go out to eat and he stays at the table! Last week we went to a horse show and ds sat nicely and stared obsessively at watched Toy Story while I got to watch the events instead of chasing him around and stopping him from getting trampled. Normally I'd have had to leave him at home so he was actually getting included in my life (and the outside world) more than normal, even if it didn't look like it.

Loosen those pants OP.

I bet it was GummyBear, my 3yr old just loves it and we pop it on youtube as a treat for her sometimes.

I see from reading th thread back that the op's problem is that the parents weren't doing something with the child such as watching the computer or reading a book. So I can only assume that th op does think that parents should ALWAYS be interacting with their kids.

On the sugar thing I think most kids would love to play with the sugar given half the chance so I wouldn't judge that but I would judge a parent who let their child continue doing it as entertainment and I would feel sorry for the staff who had to clean it up.

Far better for the child to be sat down quietly then running around the coffee shop.

I saw a photo of Angelina Jolie and one of her small children with an iPad. If it's good enough for them...

In reality it is just a modern version of a colouring/sticker book. Slightly different skills of course but these children will be computer whizzes by the time they are ten and overtake their parents by miles.

My dd loves gummy bear and they play it in her nursey at tidy up time.

It's quite educational actually (don't laugh). On Youtube they have the video in Polish, Japanese, French, Spanish, Gaelic, Hebrew, Norwegian, Swedish, Portuguese, Polish and probably more. DD can say gummy bear in many language!

My DS3, aged 2, can recite the alphabet (from 2.1) because he played on my itouch so much.

Sorry not recite, recognise....say letters, read letters.

"This bizarre idea that children must be entertained, interacted with, amused and otherwise pandered to at every available moment is just ridiculous. And turns them into brats who are incapable of independent thought and need to be spoonfed the whole way through the education system."

I might add, " and for the rest of their lives."

And...what (nearly) everyone else said! It's all about balance, and no-one can possibly judge balance from half an hour...or even a day or a week out of a whole childhood.

Computers are part of the world we and our DCs live in. There is nothing clever, or super-parent-making about keeping DCs away from them. And there's nothing clever about never teaching DCs to entertain themselves for a short while.

twice today I've put - and then deleted just in time - a kiss at the end of a post. Going mad

I totally agree fourkids.

Last weekend we had a brief respite from camping in the rain with friends - four adults and five children aged 2 to 8 - by sheltering in Costa Coffee for hot drinks. After an entire two days of entertaining the children, taking them to see the animals on the farm, endless tree climbing and running around, the other mum produced a DVD player and all five children clustered round it, their eyes wide in wonder, the reflective glow of Peppa Pig shining in their upturned faces.

It was lovely. I could have cried with pleasure into my Americano. DH said "why don't we have anything like that?" Now I know the correct answer is that I am clearly a better parent than my friend. I'll be sure to let her know next time she's a shit parent.