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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this shocking or should I loosen my judgey-pants?

136 replies

bluebellewood · 08/09/2011 15:20

Visiting my local Coffee shop today I saw a child aged about three sitting at a table with somesort of DVD/ notebook type thing placed about an inch from her face. The child was mezmerised by a leaping, googly eyed,luminous green, computer generated character. The whole time that I was in the cafe she did not take her eyes from the screen.

The parents were enjoying their coffee whilst totally ignoring their child.

What sort of parents think it is a good idea to prevent their child from interacting and engaging with the world around them. To sit glued to a screen even when not at home.

I was so shocked I could have cried for that little girl.

OP posts:
Malcontentinthemiddle · 08/09/2011 17:15

YABU. None of your beeswax.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 08/09/2011 17:17

It sounds more like the child was ignoring the parents to be fair Grin.

Would you prefer the child was having a tantrum being made to sit while the parents have a coffee or running around knocking hot coffee over themselves? Or maybe the whole of every day should be spent doing worthy kids activities and people who don't have childcare should never have any down time at all?

When I go into town I try to get a balance of doing stuff for me - shopping/having coffee and stuff for the kids - museum/park/toy shops/library. If I sat down for half an hour to have a coffee I wouldn't think twice about letting my dd (3) play on my ds or something. It would relieve the tedium for her and give me some peace.

I think some kids probably do play too many computer games/do too much sedentary activity these days but equally people like you go to the other extreme and imply a child will spontanously combust if they are in close proximity to a video game for 30 mins.

Oh YABU OP

Tiredmumno1 · 08/09/2011 17:18

what malcon said^

aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 17:21

Take off those judgey pants and dance on them. YABU. I love reading books in coffee shops, rather than engaging in the world around me, because the world around me in coffee shops is not that interesting... unless I'm in the mood for people watching, but often, if its a chain coffee shop, it leaves me rather depressed.

We're quite an 'enagaging' family, but my kids seem to have inherited from their dad that coffee shops are for chilling and taking time out together, but with headspace FROM each other..... so YABU to assume that this happens 24/7, they could be a very engaging family, just having a break.

Nothing worse than forced interaction.

Vallhala · 08/09/2011 17:21

Thank you bluebelle but I'll sit near to the child who is quietly and inoffensively watching something on a laptop. You can sit next to the brat child playing with sugar, picking its nose and jabbering away.

I will be brutally honest with you.... I'm beginning to think that Siamo might have a point.

When I next go into a cafe, hoping to quietly enjoying a peaceful cup of tea, I pray to god that you and your child won't be at the next table. You may like to listen to him talk loudly about cake whilst he plays with the sugar but I don't!

I may be part of the world around your child and he may be your world, but guess what - he ain't mine.

porcamiseria · 08/09/2011 17:21

OP you are for real! bless you, taking f air pasting here

but YABU, you realise that now?

mymummyisasquarehead · 08/09/2011 17:26

Get a fucking grip.

silverfrog · 08/09/2011 17:26

ha ha!

honestly, do people have nothign better to do than to watch other people's childrne in a cafe for over half an hour? (hope your children weren't with you, OP - you were so busy stalking watching this family that you could hardly havebeen interacting with them, coudl you?)

this could have been my dd a few years ago - either one of them. dd1 has severe ASD, and would sit happily watching a dvd on my ipod (then) or her ipad (now). she is 7, and has had access to an ipod/ipad for the last 4 years.

or it coudl have been dd2, who is (just about) NT, who has been watching stuff on my ipod since she was 2.

no green monsters, though - all nice, educational stuff like Something Special - woudl that pass your sniffy judge test?

in dd1's case she would have been "safe" watching her dvd - even interrupting it to talk to her woudl have meant she might be highly anxious. and that 30 minutes would have been the only 30 minutes in the day that dh and I would have been able to talk - no joke. I well remember the weeks where we had to converse to the tune of Frere Jacques, because dd1 could not bear to have us stop singing it(seriously - major meltdown if we paused in the renditions. we sang it non-stop form her waking to her sleeping)! If only we had had an ipod then - it woudl have spared me the nervous breakdown...

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 08/09/2011 17:27

OP you are obviously adamant that your judgeypants are set to the perfect level of tightness so why this thread?

Also how will the child suffer from spending 30 mins out of a whole day doing other stuff playing on a computer game (you have no idea what stuff they were doing for the rest of the day). I will answer you - they won't. So why not let the child do what they would prefer rather than imposing what you think they should be doing on them. It's not like they were trying to talk to the parents and being told to f-off! They were enjoying their game.

If you would rather your child makes a mess with sugar and picks their nose than that's your business. I bet the staff at Costa love you.

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2011 17:27

At 3 my kids would have been bored to death sat in a coffee shop for half an hour, didn't have computers when they were young but I would have needed to take something to occupy them to, if I hadn't you would be complaining about my bored loud complaining 3 year old in the coffee shop

For all you know they might have spent weeks going to child friendly places, engaging with their dd and just fanced half an hour having a cup of coffee without 1001 questions, ds2 constantly questioned fron the minute he could talk. It was a welcome relief to stick something infront of him that gave me half an hours peace

Yabu and to want to cry is just strange, a child mesmerised at the sight of a green computer thingy is so upsetting to you?

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2011 17:34

Reminds me of that crazy frog thing, ds2 would stare at that thing for ages when he was a baby, bloody annoying frog it was , loads of people had it as a ring tone

exoticfruits · 08/09/2011 17:35

I'm judgey pants with you-if you take a DC to coffee you need to talk to them-if you don't want to- go when they are not around.

Original poster
bluebellewood · 08/09/2011 17:35

Moomin et al . I did not really cry. I shall weigh my words more carefully in future, but don't you think you might be taking me a little too literally?

Shouts the following over shoulder whilst running as fast as stilletos allow

"Me thinks I touched a nerve with a lot of you!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OP posts:
ExpensivePants · 08/09/2011 17:35

I wish to God I'd had an iPad when I was 3. My aunts can't half talk about their illnesses...

Francagoestohollywood · 08/09/2011 17:36

Oh come on now, a 3 yr old who plays with sugar is not a brat!

I am starting to want to side with the OP now.

banana87 · 08/09/2011 17:36

Lossen yer judgy pants, and mind your own business. Who are you to judge other peoples parenting? Perfect, I guess.

Mitmoo · 08/09/2011 17:38

Fleck!!!!!!!!! Another one who judges based on watching snapshots. What's wrong with people that they think they are so superior, so knowledgable that they can view a child playing a game and deciding it is some form of neglect worthy of crying over them.

Mits: Worries about some posters. I really do.

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2011 17:38

Well obviously if people don't agree with you it must mean you've touched a nerve

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 08/09/2011 17:39

There speaks somebody who has babysitting options. I'm lucky that I have dh but we have no support from our families whatsoever. If I was a single parent there would be no time when they weren't around!

Still waiting for someone to provide evidence that 30 mins of a computer game is going to damage a child in any way.

EssW2 · 08/09/2011 17:40

Oh, god, WHY didn't I think of this when the DCs were tiny?

Day after day, interacting, listening to them talk talk talk, engaging in every possible educational conversation, taking them to galleries, plays, woods to climb trees, museums, getting play doh on every domestic surface, and just OCCASIONALLY, had I had the planning skills of these parents, I could have had one cup of coffee talking to DH.

And maybe our relationship would be better.

CurrySpice · 08/09/2011 17:42

Goodness me OP Ithink you need to get some perspective!!

If that shocks you then you need to get ut more!!

I told DD1 to make her very boring and long-winded description of something that happened today shorter and more focused. Does that make you cry?

Laquitar · 08/09/2011 17:42

Blimey! Do you carry tissues with you every time you step out of your house? The world is full of dramatic scenes like this, isn't it?

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 08/09/2011 17:43

I also very much doubt the op would have been so judgey if the child had been absorbed in something less low culture than a computer game such as colouring in or something.

OP do your kids watch TV?

RedHotPokers · 08/09/2011 17:48

FFS OP - are you for real - have you actually GOT any DCs (sorry haven't read all thread!)?

My eating out experience has changed markedly since DH and I downloaded kids picture pairs and drawing games onto our phones. It is kept in reserve for moments when all other avenues have been exhausted, but (as someone who hasn't been for a meal/night out alone with my DH for over a year) the fact DH and I actually get the chance to talk for 5 mins when eating out is HEAVENLY!

pigletmania · 08/09/2011 17:48

My goodness don't get strangled by your judgypants. A lot of three year olds cannot sit still for a long time so when you go out for meal or drink, you take
distractions so that you can enjoy your meal in peace than running afteran active preschooler or averting a meltdown. You know nothing of the families circumstances, their child could have SN for all you know, and that's the only way to distract them while they have a nice drink.