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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the Tooth Fairy to visit Granny too.

83 replies

Rollergirl1 · 08/09/2011 13:29

DD had her first tooth fall out this morning (after much wobbling). We are expecting a visit from the tooth fairy tonight. I texted a picture of her with gappy smile to the grandparents. MIL wants me to tell DD that the tooth fairy also visited her so that she can give her some money too.

I think this is a really bad idea and will confuse DD no end. Also, I know I'm probably being precious here but I don't really see why MIL has to muscle in on the event. AIBU?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/09/2011 17:34

I feel sorry for the grandparents of some MNetters children

Insomnia11 · 08/09/2011 17:35

I would let granny give her the money but not say it came from the tooth fairy. Otherwise she might expect £2 instead of £1 next time.

2rebecca · 08/09/2011 17:38

I would just say "nice thought but no, that's not how I've told her tooth fairies work" and not tell her about any more teeth.
It is weird behaviour and I think believing in the tooth fairy is quite cute and I'm not sure it would have been as believable when I was young if the fairy visited random relatives who had not lost teeth as well as me. I used to hide my teeth to test the fairy and my parents used to hunt all over for it but the 5p was always there where I'd left the tooth. If money was also left in some other random place with a relative it would have seemed pointless as the connection between the hiding of the tooth and the money would be lost.
I would tell this to grannie.

exoticfruits · 08/09/2011 17:38

So do I usualsuspect-it is all mine-my DCs ,my toothfairy. You are not allowed to have loony Grans and loony fairies. I hope that my DCs will be different-I have already warned them that I intend to be madly eccentric. I have never been very keen on the tooth fairy, but I might make use of Easter bunnies if I feel like it!

Deflatedballoonbelly · 08/09/2011 17:44

Hasn't MIL had the joys of tooth-fairy shit already? Hmm

Would piss me off!

slavetofilofax · 08/09/2011 17:49

Exotic - the magic of it (in our house at least) is in believing that a fairy actually wants to use your tooth so much that she is wiling to pay you for it. And not only that, there is actually a teeth castle somewhere with a fairy sitting on a chair made out of your tooth.

The fairy only comes when there is a tooth under the pillow, that's the whole point. Why on earth would she go to GM's house, and give her money, when there is nothing there for her to build a castle or castle furniture with?

WHY??

At least that's what my ds's would have said anyway.

There is no need to feel sorry for these Grandparents, they get to spend time with their GC, they can buy treats and toys, they can have lots of fun, they just can't have the sodding tooth fairy to visit until their own teeth start falling out! If GP's didn't put their children or children in law in this position in the first place, they woudn't have to hear the word 'no'.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2011 17:54

The tooth fairy visited mine when my grandsons tooth fell out while he was staying at mine

is that ok?

diddl · 08/09/2011 17:55

"So do I usualsuspect-it is all mine-my DCs ,my toothfairy."

So do/did your parents/ILs join in with all of this also, or do you want to if you have GC?

No one´s saying that MIL can´t buy something.

diddl · 08/09/2011 17:56

And actually, they are my children.

They are my MILs GC.

allday · 08/09/2011 18:06

I totally agree with slavetofilofax. It makes no sense for the tooth fairy to leave money at a house where there isn't a tooth. How will MIL know its tooth fairy money for her dgd Confused. I lost a tooth on a school trip and the money was there in the morning and the tooth gone. It would make no sense for the money to be at home/grandmas/random place.

This reminds me of a thread ages ago when someone wanted to buy her dds first bike for her bday and was looking forward to taking her to the bike shop and choosing it etc but her mum/mil wanted to buy the first bike too and was getting really arsey. Almost everyone thought the mother was bu and she should let the granny have the pleasure of choosing the bike instead but I was Shock. I think as the parent you should be allowed to enjoy certain things/firsts on your terms. Thats not to say you should be a cow and not let the GPs buy anything or indulge their dgc's, just that if the parents want to do Christmas/Easter/Tooth Fairy a particular way or buy their own child first bike/watch/bra/car then that should be respected.

exoticfruits · 08/09/2011 19:05

They are not possessions-you are honoured to have them for a very short time.

I think that some of you are seriously overthinking it.

Original poster
Rollergirl1 · 08/09/2011 19:12

ExoticFruits: But they are mine and they are my rules. I have no issues with eccentric grannies. But if you were to purposely go against one of my wishes then you'd get what for. To be honest you sound like you would rather put your desire to "not follow the stereotypical granny role" above that of the wishes of the grandchild and parent. You have even gone so far as to warn your DC's that you will not follow the "rules". Sounds a bit selfish if you ask me.

My DC's enjoy a very close and loving relationship with their GP's. I wouldn't dream of preventing them from doing special things with them, spending lots of time with them and generally getting to have fun and do all the nice bits. All that I ask is that the things and wants that I have and class as special and want to treasure as a parent are not impinged on by them.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 08/09/2011 19:16

The tooth fairy leaves the money in exchange for a tooth. No tooth = no cash.

What's to stop DD ringing GM next week and saying more of her teeth have fallen out, so can GM let the tooth fairy know to leave some more money behind please?

exoticfruits · 08/09/2011 19:28

I see we are back to those horrible words 'my DC my rules', which is actually untrue-only in your own home. Outside it you can't control other people and there are other rules that apply.
I never realised that fairies stuck to rules! Grin

Original poster
Rollergirl1 · 08/09/2011 19:43

Well anyway, DD has lovingly brushed her tooth with toothpaste so that it's clean for the fairy. She has placed it strategically under her pillow in such a way that the tooth fairy should gain easy access (she is concerned that she will be sleeping right on the tooth and the fairy won't be able to get it).

So, what's the going price? I said £1 but DH says what he loved about getting money from the tooth fairy was that he could buy something with it (rather than saving it). He suggested £2 as you can't get much for a £1 these days.

OP posts:
dirtydishesmakemesad · 08/09/2011 19:47

personally I would have let MIL do as she pleases, I like to keep the peace. My children have failed to notice so many inconsistencies with things like this that i really dont think the tooth fairy visiting nanny as well would have caused so much as a second thought!

LtEveDallas · 08/09/2011 19:54

£2.00 definately, that's what the TF left DD (and 5 Dinars on holiday - lucky DD)

redwineformethanks · 08/09/2011 20:11

Granny wants to join in. What's the harm?

pranma · 08/09/2011 21:36

Glad I have my dd-i-l's and dd and not some of you lot.I haven't thought of the tooth fairy but I am allowed to share filling stockings,going to birthday parties,shopping for shoes and lovely little inclusive things like that.When something is offered with love it should surely be accepted with grace and not bitched about on here.

missmogwi · 08/09/2011 21:41

YABU- she's just a little girl, does it really matter if the tooth fairy leaves a coin at Gran's house?

Original poster
Rollergirl1 · 08/09/2011 21:51

Glad I have my dd-i-l's and dd and not some of you lot.I haven't thought of the tooth fairy but I am allowed to share filling stockings,going to birthday parties,shopping for shoes and lovely little inclusive things like that.When something is offered with love it should surely be accepted with grace and not bitched about on here.

Oh please do shut up. You make it sound like I don't allow MIL any intimacy or loving, emotional moments with her DC's. That is quite simply not the case. You are reading what you want to hear.

Anyway, we came to a happy compromise, if you bothered to read further up the post. I think it is lovely and I am happy for MIL to want to give DD a gift for this special occassion, but from her rather than the tooth fairy.

Wind yer necks in.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/09/2011 21:56

Is this not AIBU?

exoticfruits · 08/09/2011 21:58

AIBU is only supposed to be agreement with sensible OP!

I put it down to insecurity. It is fairly easy to make a story about it and let Grandma take part if she wants to.

Original poster
Rollergirl1 · 08/09/2011 22:04

Are you suggesting I am insecure because I don't want to make her part of it? She is a part of it. I texted her a picture and she is buying DD something to mark the occassion. How is she not part of it?

usualsuspect: I keep meaning to say, of course if the tooth falls out while at GP's houses, or if we are spending xmas at GP's houses, then obviously the tooth fairy/father christmas visits them there. But not when they are not there. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 08/09/2011 22:14

It's really not that easy to make a believeable story if you have fairly savvy children!

They're not always that little when teeth start falling out, they do have some sense of logic by then. Surely most 5ish year olds would question why the tooth fairly left money for them in two places on the same night if one didn't have a tooth to collect?

Personally, I love the magic of these stories, I don't want it questioned the first chance I get to do it! For the dc as well as me! Wink

It's like when they first ask 'So how does Father Christmas really get round all those houses all over the world in one night?'

You know that when that happens it's the beginning of the end for old FC, and going on about time differences and such like doesn't work for long!

And why should it be accepted just because in one opinion it's being offered with love? I actually think the GP's that show the most selfless love are the ones that stand back and take their cues from the the parents. It's not a loving gift if it's about giving you satisfaction and your child and grandchild would be happier if you didn't!