To not want the Tooth Fairy to visit Granny too.

[Rollergirl1]

DD had her first tooth fall out this morning (after much wobbling). We are expecting a visit from the tooth fairy tonight. I texted a picture of her with gappy smile to the grandparents. MIL wants me to tell DD that the tooth fairy also visited her so that she can give her some money too.

I think this is a really bad idea and will confuse DD no end. Also, I know I'm probably being precious here but I don't really see why MIL has to muscle in on the event. AIBU?

LOL! You are funny

It's not true anyway.

YANBU! your dd will then expect the same with every lost tooth and granny might not find that possible.

(I expect granny thought it was OK to 'muscle in' as you had included her in the 'event' by texting gappy picture. Perhaps you would just rather a text back: 'PMSL CU L8r xxxgran)

YANBU. Agree with everything that slavetofilofax said.

I never knew the tooth fairy was building a castle with all those teeth. Isn't that interesting.

yeah what will you say when dd asks why the tooth fairy goes to granny's house?

YANBU why do grannies have to re-live being a parent like this. They had their turn. Now it's ours. Keep your tooth money Grandma, and reward the kids for doing something remarkable, not for a tooth falling out.

Our fairy builds furniture too.

Thanks for the replies. My reasoning was exactly as someone else said. I think it will set a fairly bothersome precedent. It will get very busy for the poor old tooth fairy if she has to leave money with both sets of grandparents (where there is no tooth) for every tooth that falls out. And then it will have to happen for DS too.

I have said to MIL that its a lovely idea that she wants to do something but perhaps it should be just from her rather than the tooth fairy. And just for the first tooth too.

She does have a habit of muscling in on things so I probably am being a bit over-sensitive.

Thanks all!

I don't think that it sets a precedent. Just explain that some fairies are a bit dotty (there are plenty of stories about it)and although they remember at home they can get forgetful elsewhere. I don't see why both lots of grandparents have to get involved-if I get to be a grandmother I have no intention of following the other set unless I think it is a good idea.

I can see myself as a granny and why I'd want to get in on the act. That's the art of grand parenting-trying to relive the nice bits of parenthood whilst being supportive, not muscling in and def not being critical. What a minefield! So hard to step back when you love the gc and it reminds you of your time as a parent. But so hard to handle as a parent.

exoticfruit: I didn't mean that the other grandparent would want to get involved to follow MIL. More that DD would question why money had been left at one GP's house and not the other. And she definitely would question it.

MIL does have quite a bit of form when it comes to reliving the whole parenting thing through DD. But it is most definitely not done maliciously and I would never suggest that it was. But anyway, I don't want this to turn into MIL bashing thread.

A dotty fairy is the answer to everything!

Of course Father Christmas presents at grandparents houses!

I would nip this in the bud because of the more and more elaborate explanations you are going to have to start giving as she gets older and asking more and more detailed questions. DD1 has just copped on that there is no Tooth Fairy and she is not at all pleased at having had the wool pulled over her eyes. So the more straightforward these things are the better, I think. Not so far too fall. 'What, so granny was lying to me too?' etc

I would also find it deeply irritating though .

Absolutely. It's very important that grandparents - particularly a child's father's parents - have no fun at all with their grandchildren. They can babysit, so long as they do it on the mother's terms, but they must not have any of the fun bits. because any fun bit a grandparent ( particularly an in law grandparent) has is a fun bit the mother of the child does not have.

Seeker - Are you always so presumptous?

Yes.

I can see where you're coming from in that it would be setting a precedent.

When we were staying at the ILs years ago DD lost one of her teeth and MIL was insistent that she wanted to put £1 under the pillow as well as us.

Of course that meant that we now have the added tooth fairy clause that if you lose a tooth whilst away from home for the night then you get double the amount.

Both DC seem to lose more teeth when on holiday and at ILs as a result

And how's that working out for you?

"So hard to step back when you love the gc and it reminds you of your time as a parent. "

Why is it hard to "step back"-you´re not the parent.

You love the GC, of course, but there´s plenty of stuff to do without trying to be the parent again.

How is the tooth fairy appearing elsewhere 'trying to be a parent again'?
Parent's can't control everyone and everything-especially not fairies! It is no big deal. My DS sussed the tooth fairy fairly quickily-it was much meaner apparently than everyone elses-maybe some appearing at Grandma's house would have evened it up!

YANBU. MIL won't have a tooth there for the tooth fairy. She's had her time being a mother but now it's her time to be the grandmother.

I agree with Rocket and Takitezee, it seems that a lot of MIL can not accept that they had a turn at doing all these 'firsts' and are essentially taking them away from you. I have seen threads where MIL have muscled in on first nappy change, bottle feed, weaning food etc. I would be quite upset if my parents tried to make these firsts 'theirs' but hopefully wont have a problem. As a grandma she gets to give money 'just because' so could come up with any other reason.

I don't think that any of you are getting the magic of it! It all seems very serious and possessive. I thought fairies were just fun and inclusive of all!