Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask them if they mind going to a different restaurant???

98 replies

TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 10:50

Dh, me and 2 young DC's have arranged to meet my dad at a well known restaurant chain today as he is going away tomorrow for 2 weeks.

Have just found out DB and his GF have arranged to meet my mum and her friend in the same restaurant. Dad refuses to do this because this would be awkward as parents divorced and don't speak.

There is another branch of this restaurant literally 3 minutes walk away, excatly the same just smaller. we would rather go to the first one as they have a space for buggies and more space for highchairs.

Called mum to ask if she wouldn't mind going to restaurant no 2, she said she had arranged to meet my brother at restaurant no 1 so that is where they are going. I called DB to ask if he mided going to restaurant no 2 and he freaked out, saying restaurant no1 was next to the shop he and his girlfriend wanted to go in then said oh fuck it we won't bother going at all and hung up....

Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:44

No I asked him to work around the children, I said I would be happy to eat their at the same time as them but my brother said no way

OP posts:
Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:45

There not their

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 16:46

OP, why did you ask AIBU when you are SO certain that you are not?

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:47

I wasn't certain at first but now I am Grin

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 16:49

Remove yourself from the middle ground with immediate affect. You cannot fix this, so do not try any more, its a thankless, pointless task!

Tell your family they can sort it out amongst themselves from now on and if they can't find a solution themselves you'll do an adult equivalent of 'grounding' and go out with neither of them.

x

fedupofnamechanging · 08/09/2011 16:49

God forbid someone should want their children taken into account or would like to have an easier time of it if at all possible. I cannot see what is wrong in asking nicely if your brother would mind a small change, to accommodate you.

I think on MN we are not allowed to expect our families to be helpful or be nice.

EssW2 · 08/09/2011 16:50

But you asked your Mum and she said 'no' so then you persisted and tried your DB - which could be seen as manipulating him to gang up against your mum who had already said 'no' - it's making a big deal and involving everyone . Yes, it may well have been simple for them to have changed, but it would also have been simple enough for you to have changed. Since the first objection came from within your party.

Can you not see how, whether your DB was being unreasonable or not, you all contribute to escalating the general shit?

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:51

It is a big buggy and takes up room, it is really heavy and annoying. The restaurant is not really suited to kids so we don't go there with them.

The paediatrician has told us to let DS eat what he wants as the main thing is to get his weight back up, if that doesn't work he will be prescribed weight gain shakes but that is a different thread.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 16:51

Pelagia put her finger on it. " You all sound rather stubborn."

DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:53

My mum said no because that is where DB wanted to meet so I said ok, I will ask DB if he minds changing

OP posts:
Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:54

I am quite capable of folding my 'precious' buggy but there is nowhere to put it!

OP posts:
Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:57

karmabeliever - Absolutely agree, not sure why but 'why the fuck should they?' seems to be the general feeling on these kind of threads

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 17:00

"We went to restaurant 1 in the end and I guess my mum and brother went somewhere else or were so annoyed they didn't go anywhere..."

And how do you feel about messing up their arrangements? And how do you think they feel?

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 17:01

No you presume wrong, I didn't tell DB that my Dad felt uncomfortable.

No I wasn't playing the 'martyr card', I actually don't have a problem with being in the same room as both my parents.

My buggy suits me fine thank you, just not for this particular restaurant.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 17:03

WhereYouLeftIt - if asking DB nicley if he would mind going to the same restaurant 3 mins down the road is messing up his arrangements then so be it, he could have said no, you go somewhere else or he could have said we could both go there as I suggested.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 17:06

But I don't have a problem with it, my brother did

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 17:08

Your brother may well just be sick of being dicked around by his childish father, and his sister facilitating it.

TalkinPeace2 · 08/09/2011 17:09

My parents have met three times since their divorce in 1967
I had two wedding receptions - one with each :-)

OP
Smack their heads together and you and your DB stop putting up with it.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 17:09

I think he gets fed up with our parents but it was him who didn't want to be in the same restaurant as the both of them, I did suggest this to him

OP posts:
EssW2 · 08/09/2011 17:13

Honestly, IMO, the only way it would have been reasonable for you to have involved your DB would be for you to have called him first - not your mum - and said 'oh no, it's that Mum and Dad thing again, our dad doesn't feel happy to be in the same space and Mum and her bf, how do you think we should handle it? ' - i.e had an adult, mutual convresation with your DB about your mutual parents.

OR said to your Dad 'look, that place is really handy for me because it's buggy-friendly and ds likes the food, so what do you want to do about it?' and let HIM sort it. After all, it was his problem, not yours.

Take it or leave it, but some of us are just trying to show how everyone sees things differently, and how the way you took it upon yourself to talk to the other party spread the angst.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/09/2011 17:16

She hasn't messed up their arrangements WYLI. She asked politely if they would consider changing. They said no to the change, but then decided not to go anyway. The OP didn't make anyone do anything against their will, she merely asked a question. As I read it, the brother wasn't keen on being there with both parents either.

I think she is getting a lot of flak here, just for trying to keep the peace (maybe misguidedly, but even so)in her difficult family.