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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask them if they mind going to a different restaurant???

98 replies

TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 10:50

Dh, me and 2 young DC's have arranged to meet my dad at a well known restaurant chain today as he is going away tomorrow for 2 weeks.

Have just found out DB and his GF have arranged to meet my mum and her friend in the same restaurant. Dad refuses to do this because this would be awkward as parents divorced and don't speak.

There is another branch of this restaurant literally 3 minutes walk away, excatly the same just smaller. we would rather go to the first one as they have a space for buggies and more space for highchairs.

Called mum to ask if she wouldn't mind going to restaurant no 2, she said she had arranged to meet my brother at restaurant no 1 so that is where they are going. I called DB to ask if he mided going to restaurant no 2 and he freaked out, saying restaurant no1 was next to the shop he and his girlfriend wanted to go in then said oh fuck it we won't bother going at all and hung up....

Aibu?

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 08/09/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theliverpoolone · 08/09/2011 11:31

but all going to the same restaurant and ignoring each other isnt going to be great for the DCs is it - i would have thought it'd be confusing for them if they see nana/gran and uncle x a few tables aloong and no-one else speaking to them Sad

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 11:31

My Dad was quite happy to go to the other restaurant but they don't have space for buggies and it is incredibly cramped with highchairs at the tables

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 11:34

Can't you go to a different restaurant entirely, rather than the same chain? As its your dad who's the one saying he doesn't want to be in the same restaurant as your mum, I think it should be up to your dad to make alternate arrangements.

Have you always been stuck in the middle like this?? Break the cycle and stop trying to fix it. I feel for you.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 11:35

Yes always stuck in the middle, our wedding was a nightmare!!! I can actually understand why they hate each other though, they are both quite difficult people.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 11:56

I was just thinking how I would feel if I were your brother or mother, being telephoned and asked to change my arrangements because dad/ex didn't want me to use the same (in your own words) huge restaurant while he was in it.

I WOULD HAVE FELT INSULTED AND BELITTLED.

Why should their arrangements only go ahead unimpeded if they happen out of sight of your father? Really, get a grip here.

Pelagia · 08/09/2011 12:00

If neither party wants to change restaurants, why don't you change the time you are going? Or postpone - going on 2 weeks holiday is hardly a major celebratory occasion. You all sound rather stubborn.

ElizabethDarcy · 08/09/2011 12:18

Life is too short. Your folks need to grow up.

sausagesandmarmelade · 08/09/2011 12:22

Just go somewhere else.

No big deal.

slavetofilofax · 08/09/2011 12:22

You and your Dad should find another restaurant. Surely there is more than one other alternative?

Ragwort · 08/09/2011 12:25

You all sound totally stubborn and childish - you must be in a pretty big town/city if there are two restaurants of the same chain in it - just go somewhere else/eat at home/have a picnic in the park or cancel the whole thing ................Grin

corriefan · 08/09/2011 12:50

It would be a shame to let your parents' issues drive a wedge between you and your db too. It almost seems as if they have an ally each and are using you as the foot soldiers.
It's always like this with these sorts of acrimonious divorces- both parties are stubborn and grabby about each and every little thing. Just go somewhere else you all like with lots of space! If your dad says why should he move ask why is he going to lunch- to see you and his grandchild or prove his might over his ex?

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 14:26

Oh, and I think you owe you brother an apology.

fedupofnamechanging · 08/09/2011 14:38

I would go ahead with my original arrangements and stop indulging the petty behaviour of two adults. They can either go or not go, choice is theirs, but I'd stop fretting over it and trying to accommodate them.

They chose to marry each other and have children - it's silly and childish to for either of them to think they can never see each other when they share a family. They just have to suck it up.

That said, if it would have helped you out, I think your brother is being a bit of a selfish arse to not move to a restaurant 3 minutes down the road.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:20

Apologise to my brother for (nicely) asking him if he would mind eating at the same restaurant 3 minutes away so I could have somewhere to put my 9 month old's buggy and room for 2 highchairs Hmm ? If it was the other way round I wouldn't think twice.

We went to restaurant 1 in the end and I guess my mum and brother went somewhere else or were so annoyed they didn't go anywhere... Hmm

One of the reasons we wanted to go to this chain of restaurants is because DS2 eats very well there. He is incredibly fussy and lost a lot of weight a few months back which was very worrying. He has seen the paeds up at the hospital and is fine but still eats very little.

OP posts:
EssW2 · 08/09/2011 16:28

Once your Dad wasn't happy you should have just gone elsewhere or else made your point and said 'we're going to 1 or nowhere'. It was you who spread the whole thing to the 'other party', and made the whole thing all about you - your buggies, your dc's eating issues (one meal!) etc.

Glad it worked out OK for your lunch in the end, but look at how you all cause this bitterness and awkwardness to spread. You could have just said to your dad 'ok, fair enough'.

DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyLioness · 08/09/2011 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:35

I really don't think it is a big deal asking if they mid going to the other one instead, if it was the other way round I would have been more than happy to, I really don't see how it is putting anyone out, it is 3 minutes away. I could understand if it was the other side of town.

I also only asked if it would be okay, I said to my brother if you don't want to switch I don't mind coming to restaurant no1 as well as you and mum but he freaked out, said no way it would be too awkward and hung up.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 16:38

Yes OP, I do think your brother is owed an apology. You tried to get him to change his plans to suit your father. You prefer this restaurant for your own reasons. Maybe he does too. Regardless, you tried to make your father's problem your brother's. You should not have involved your brother or mother in this at all.

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:38

Yes I did hope they could work around my children (their nephews/grandsons) but it can be like that with children, it does make things like eating out more difficult because you have to think about high chairs and buggies and what your DC's will eat.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 16:42

But you didn't ask him to work around your children. You asked him to work around your father. Big difference, especially if he's fed up with your father's behaviour towards your mother (as any normal person would be).

Original poster
TwigletPig · 08/09/2011 16:42

Not wanting to eat in the same restaurant wasn't just my dad's problem, it was my brothers as well. I would have been happy to eat in the same restaurant as I have said.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 16:44

And perhaps the point is not that the other restaurant is three minutes away, but the presumption that his plans must be changed, not your father's.

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