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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to tell people...

20 replies

Failsafe · 05/09/2011 15:34

That we got a BFP yesterday! Grin

Now be gentle as this is my first AIBU thread!

I really want to tell v close family (mums, siblings and a couple of v close friends)
DH is a bit unsure because "aren't you meant to wait until your first scan"

My reasoning is that its really exciting time for us and were really close to our family and i will find it hard to keep it quiet! (as well as i have started with cracking indegestion that no doubt will turn into sickness and there's going to be no way to hide that)
Also if anything does happen, then we have family to reassure and support us.

So AIBU

OP posts:
LeBOF · 05/09/2011 15:38

Of course you should tell your close family. But not before you've told millions of complete strangers on the internet, obviously Wink

diddl · 05/09/2011 15:38

Congratulations!

Up to you.
We didn´t tell anyone until 16wks.

I wanted to wait 12wks in case anything happened as I knew I wouldn´t be able to deal with anyone else´s disappointment.

Original poster
Failsafe · 05/09/2011 15:41

leBOF Obviously Wink
But i know your not all going to blab!

OP posts:
Original poster
Failsafe · 05/09/2011 15:41

Thanks diddl

OP posts:
eurochick · 05/09/2011 15:42

When it happens for us, I plan to tell anyone I would be comfortable sharing a problem with (worst case scenario - mc or having to terminate due to health problem - sorry to mention these on our thread). That includes my parents and a few close friends. they all know we are ttc anyway. The only reason you are "supposed" to wait until your scan is so that if the worst happens you don't have to tell everyone. If they are people you would tell anyway, there is no problem. Congratulations :)

Sidge · 05/09/2011 15:42

Congratulations!

My logic with telling close friends and family fairly early after a BFP was that if the worst were to happen they would want to support me.

Also round here you only had 1 scan at 16 weeks at that time, and that would have been an awfully long time to wait especially given I started showing at 11 weeks with DD3!

Kayano · 05/09/2011 15:42

Congrats!

I told everyone straight away too! 5 weeks

One evil coworker told me I would miscarry because I had told before 12 weeks and I had cursed it! She was lucky I didn't lamp her I swear down.
How can you say that to someone?!

Grr

Halestones · 05/09/2011 15:42

Congratulations!
We chose to tell the people that we would rely on for emotional support (and would need to know) should anything have gone wrong. We had an 8 week scan and told the rest of our families, and then after the 12 week scan we told the whole world (or at least, the people on facebook).

RedHelenB · 05/09/2011 15:43

Congratulations! I told people before my scan with my first & all was fine.

mummymccar · 05/09/2011 15:45

Congratulations! We told everyone at 13 weeks but told parents at 6 weeks. Completely up to you when you tell people!

AMumInScotland · 05/09/2011 15:49

Like others, we told close family and friends right away - I wouldn't have been able to deal with a problem without them all knowing something bad had happened anyway, so there didn't seem to be any point delaying. But really it depends on how you both feel, and how your families are - you maybe wouldn't want to be dealing with questions from random friends of the family weeks later if anything should go wrong. But its really up to you and how much you tend to tell them about personal stuff!

Original poster
Failsafe · 05/09/2011 16:09

Thanks!

I think we will tell them when we go for a family meal thats been arranged on Friday.
We're so excited but realistic aswell that things can go wrong and it is early days, so we have got fingers and toes crossed that it sticks! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Failsafe · 05/09/2011 16:11

amum thats exactly my thought process of if anything did go wrong my mum/gran/brother would know that something was wrong anyway.

OP posts:
Bartimaeus · 05/09/2011 16:13

We told our parents fairly early (7 weeks I think). I was being so sick I couldn't not tell my mum - I wanted someone other than DH to moan to!!!

Told my manager at 8 weeks, again cos I was so sick, but no one else before the scan.

kat2504 · 05/09/2011 16:18

You can't jinx it! If you tell people or if you don't makes no difference to hwo the pregnancy is going to go.
On the other hand, my first mc, I had told people at work and it was very hard going back afterwards - people were very kind and sympathetic but it would have been easier if fewer people had known.

Family and close friends are a different matter. I would tell close family and friends but make sure that the news is kept well away from the evil Facebook and your mum doesn't go round telling everyone she has ever met. If you don't want to wait for the scan you could compromise and tell at 8 weeks.

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/09/2011 16:32

"aren't you meant to wait until your first scan"

Only for those who you would not want to know about bad news, IYSWIM? I told all my work colleagues straight away with DS because they had been great during my previous MC and I wouldn't have had any reason to keep a MC a secret from them. Likewise family and close friends. I didn't tell all the people I told the first time, because some of them were people I barely saw and they had no reason to know I had MCed. So for lots of people I waited until 20 weeks or more.

NotJustKangaskhan · 05/09/2011 16:32

I hope it all goes smoothly for you!

Talk about it with your husband so your both comfortable. We've had the same debate, though the opposite way around. My husband wants to tell everyone right away. The first time around, it was really everyone - he's relaxed in pregnancies since to just his family. I don't tell anyone beyond our kids for as long as I can get away with it. I didn't do the big announcement this time around until I was about 6 months, probably would have waited longer if not for health problems in the family. I just don't like talking about our personal life (or rather, I like to avoid the comments and advice - the negative ones can echo around for ages) and worry about hurting those I care about who've had trouble having children whereas my husband worries about his family/friends being insulted if something happens and they didn't know beforehand. Just like everything in parenting and being a couple, it's all about finding balance between two people's point of view.

5inthebed · 05/09/2011 16:35

Congratulations :)

I told everyone (close family) very early on in all three of my pregnancies, never jinxed them at all.

Nice way to tell people at the meal. Will you do a "oh I cant drink alcohol, not for the next 8 months or so anyway" Grin

MeconiumHappens · 05/09/2011 17:53

Congratulations!
Im 6 weeks and we have told our best friend couple as they knew we were ttc but noone else. Having private 8 week scan and if all is well will tell close family (parents/siblings) and a few close friends at this point. Everyone else after 12 week scan. I think its a personal choice, whatever you feel comfortable with. 'Jinxing' it is a load of crap. What a horrid work colleague for saying that kayano Id have kicked her in the shin, really hard, 'accidentally'.

Angel786 · 05/09/2011 18:01

Congratulations! We didn't tell family etc till 12 weeks. Although oddly had to tell work almost immediately.

The way I thought about it was if I had to would I then tell everyone about a miscarriage if that had happened, and as my fam relations weren't great I chose not to.

Best of luck!

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