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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have probs with attitude that 'once you've had/are having a baby you won't care' who sees your fanjo?

62 replies

Miffster · 04/09/2011 16:44

Fair enough, I understand lots of women really do not mind or care but I did and I still do. Just because I have been pregnant and had a baby I still did not and do not want intimate exams carried out by males. I know they are professionals and do not care but it is not about them and how they feel. It's how I feel. I would accept life saving treatment etc if I had to but I don't think I will ever feel 'right' or comfortable having a man doing an intimate procedure.

It just annoys me when people say having a baby changes that. It hasn't. I'm the same woman I was before birth and things that upset me or are important to me haven't changed.

I expect people will think iambu. Sigh.

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 04/09/2011 16:45
Hmm
Original poster
Miffster · 04/09/2011 16:47

Why the face? It's inspired by gynae thread and another recent thread but I keep hearing it, not just on MN but in RL too.

OP posts:
FredBare · 04/09/2011 16:47

jolly good

how does that affect me?

southeastastra · 04/09/2011 16:47

who even says that?

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 04/09/2011 16:47

YANBU. I never stopped minding..

Tee2072 · 04/09/2011 16:48

You are 100% entitled to your feelings.

I am 100% entitled to disagree with those feelings.

Original poster
Miffster · 04/09/2011 16:49

People say it often on threads as if it is some kind of universal truth. Where I live all gynaes are male so it comes up here. I am interested to find out if other women hear or have heard it and whether it's true for them.

OP posts:
PeterSpanswick · 04/09/2011 16:51

Agreed. I'm still not a fan of showing strangers my hoo hah but I'm told this is a good quality in a mother. Grin

MumdiddyMum · 04/09/2011 16:52

The list of those who have seen my fanjita is as long as my arm since complications with the birth of DD resulted in an audience of about 9!! I still feel a bit blushy.

We are all different so you ANBU IMO xx

Cocoflower · 04/09/2011 16:52

It is about recognising everyone is different.

Some never cared in the first place. Some never cared after the baby. Some still care very much.

It does not mean one right over the other. We are all individuals.

jellybeans208 · 04/09/2011 16:53

I was never bothered who did it before pregnancy or after tbh. You either have the personality where these things dont bother you or you dont I think

mamas12 · 04/09/2011 16:54

I agree and it's perfectly NORMAL so everyone please stop trying to change us.

FemaleYouNicked · 04/09/2011 16:55

I am not keen either. In fact, i hate any internal exam and the blanket 'but they're professional' doesn't make me feel any more comfortable. It's pretty common, i think. I have yet to have encountered a male gynae but that has been luck.

Tee2072 are you saying that you don't believe the OP or that you, personally, don't mind who has a gander at your fanny?

fatlazymummy · 04/09/2011 16:57

I totally agree with you OP. I don't mind having smears and exams done by a male doctor personally but if you do then you have the right to request a female practitioner.

alemci · 04/09/2011 16:57

I would rather be examined by a female doctor or nurse. The trouble is you lose all dignity when you give birth and you wonder what all the fuss about sex was about.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 04/09/2011 16:58

It changes it for them. They aren't being unreasonable to feel that way. You aren't unreasonable to feel the way you do. People can only base things on their experiences and what makes sense to them.

I just think that it's like a lot of things - the fear of something is worse than the reality. So before you've spread 'em and everyone's had a fumble, it's worse in your mind than when it's actually happened. iyswim. That doesn't mean it's the same for everyone, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't say that it often is the case.

I had the world and his wife elbow deep more times than I can count. I pooed in front of 10 people. I had what I hope was a medical person shove their finger up my arse - I still don't know why. (it says a lot that I never thought to ask!)

I personally lost all sense of modesty Grin (and much of my dignity too )

It is not unreasonable that I feel that way any more than that you feel a different way. And everyone talks about things from their pov, shares how things were for them. So when someone says that you lose all sense of modesty - what they mean is that they did and it's more of a warning (that's not the right word - speculation?) that it might happen to you too

heleninahandcart · 04/09/2011 16:59

It is not an 'intimate' procedure, it is a medical one.

I have no idea why people say you will not care after having a baby. It is an opinion I have never subscribed to.

I would want to retain my dignity in any situation. For me it does not revolve around me showing or not showing my fanjo to a doctor. There are other things that would be more important to me, like them showing me respect.

SnapesOnAPlane · 04/09/2011 16:59

I'm not very comfortable with any intimate exams, whether it be by a man or a woman.
Though tbh I've never come across "once you've had/are having a baby you won't give a damn who see's your vagina".

fatlazymummy · 04/09/2011 17:02

I do hate the assumption that you 'forget' everything that happens in childbirth. I found certain aspects undignified and embarrassing and I haven't forgotten. Of course the safety of the baby and mother take priority but the privacy and dignity of the mother should be respected as much as possible.

Nagoo · 04/09/2011 17:02

I think people say it about 'while' you are having a baby. As in the throes of labour and a baby coming out there's a man in the corner with a clipboard type affair......

Scheherezade · 04/09/2011 17:04

I was raped when I was younger, and really, really struggle with internal examinations, as I was 'damaged' on the inside, and already being quite worked up (understandably) found the process at the hospital very painful and traumatic. Consequently - I hate all internal exams and part of my birth plan involves avoiding these and forceps as much as poss, at all costs. I'm not even sure I'll allow a sweep.

If I want to control who does and doesn't get to 'be involved' with down there, its my choice.

Tee2072 · 04/09/2011 17:05

FemaleYouNicked I, personally, don't mind.

The OP seems to be saying that those who don't care are wrong and she is right.

It was a sarcastic statement to show that neither are right nor wrong. Just different.

Original poster
Miffster · 04/09/2011 17:07

The op said nothing of the sort, did you actually read what I posted Tee?

OP posts:
Cocoflower · 04/09/2011 17:07

I can see why OP is upset with a majority of attitudes on other thread though, it seems very few understand not everyone is the same

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 04/09/2011 17:08

Each to their own, so to speak.

There should be no wild generalisation that because you have given birth, you should then be ok with anyone seeing your intimate parts.

For myself, it was a gradual process. It's got better over the years. Started early on with a "cervical erosion" which had to be frozen - yep, that was fun. Then smears, then IVF, then childbirth.

Now, I couldn't give a rats arse about who looks at my fanjo now as long as I am healthy and happy, but I do understand how others may not be as comfortable as me.

Basically, we're all different.