To have probs with attitude that 'once you've had/are having a baby you won't care' who sees your fanjo?

[Miffster]

Fair enough, I understand lots of women really do not mind or care but I did and I still do. Just because I have been pregnant and had a baby I still did not and do not want intimate exams carried out by males. I know they are professionals and do not care but it is not about them and how they feel. It's how I feel. I would accept life saving treatment etc if I had to but I don't think I will ever feel 'right' or comfortable having a man doing an intimate procedure.

It just annoys me when people say having a baby changes that. It hasn't. I'm the same woman I was before birth and things that upset me or are important to me haven't changed.

I expect people will think iambu. Sigh.

Omg...herriot! Bloody iPad!

I sort of understand what you are saying. I also have a mental health issue that is almost impossible to explain to the vast majority of other people.

But ultimately I do think that if you have difficulty with a qualified male doing a gynae exam, then the problem lies with you, not him. So you might need to acknowledge that it is your difficulty (for whatever reason) and that it is probably outside the norm across the female population as a whole.

Flisspaps...

Oh no... maybe I will ignore your post so I dont worry about getting no pain relief this time...!

However if there was no valid reason and the MW simply refused it would be a different scenario?

Cocoflower I don't think a midwife would just refuse without a reason - if they refuse, ask why (or have your birth partner primed to ask why in case you're not able!)

Thanks Fliss= just wasnt treated very well by a midwife with dd1 so want to make sure I dont suffer with unfair treatment again

Regardless of abuse issues, it's such a sensitive, complex issue that nobody can assume that their reasoning covers all - because nobody can understand how another person in that situation feels.

My DPs mum has to accompany her mum to the gynae, and being in her 80's it can be a tough ordeal - a liberated, strong, 30something is not going to feel the same as a frightened and confused 80 year old; and so it would be wrong for the 30something to expect everybody to be treated in the way she wants to be.

Luckily, I like to think we live in a compassionate and understanding society, so hospitals generally DO offer female staff and organisations like PALS exist.

I was very worried, embarassed and concerned before I went into labour, then whilst I was in a lot of pain I didn't give a damn because it wasn't what I was thinking about, and once it was over I went back to finding it intensely embarassing. I have two DC so that's both times I felt that way. I have had a smear since DC2 and felt sick for about a week beforehand worrying about it. Just because a woman had had children doesn't necessarily mean she's automatically fine about showing intimate areas of her body to anyone and people shouldn't just dismiss those feelings.

I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable. I am ok-ish with doctors having a look but I'm not thrilled about it. Exactly the same as before I had a baby.

The not caring who sees what when you're in labour does happen but equally if someone had invited me to put my hand in a mincer in order to magic the baby out then I would have. That doesn't mean I'll happily mince my hand again tonight.

I doubt it coco - if they gave you one against your will it would be a different matter, but not for refusing to give you one - it's a medical decision and a medical procedure, and not having one isn't going to damage you.
I had one with pfb and wish to heaven I hadn't - my back has never been right again, and when it was time for him to actually be born they said it was too late to top it up so it had worn off and I ended up with nothing - nightmare experience all round, I still cringe thinking about the whole thing and he's 21 this year!
Perhpas if you went totally private and were paying for everything you could "insist" on having one but the NHS doesn't work like that, they're more likely to try and get out of giving you one.

I am more relaxed about it post birth but still not thrilled . I do think pain drugs and hormones play a part when giving birth as I was far less bothered when having ds or dd (including procedure for retained placenta) than for other procedures.

But I don't think anyone should say how you should/shouldn't feel.

Also scherazade is right as I am pretty sure It is hospital policy to have a chaperone if you Have someone doing an exam. And agree re getting it written all over your notes and rewriting your preferences (I lost my son early on so had huge stickers sayimg this and also a request not to be put in room I lost him in).

Sorry to hear that Rowena

DD1 birth was not pleasant but the epidural was the only thing that made it it anyway pleasant. It worked wonderfully for me and I do like to believe I will give one to me again.

Anyway sorry for hijack!

Until DS2 I had never had a male doctor or HCP do anything "there". But when baby got stuck and I had to have the obstetrician to deliver him I didn't care. After that I had to have my stitches in my king sized episiotomy checked by my midwife who was male and that was fine, he was very good at putting patients at ease. For anything else though I don't know. It's a very personal thing. I know some people told me before DS2 was born and I was going to antenatal that they would not be happy with a male midwife. But I didn't mind. Each to their own definitely.