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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Saving to get married and its starting to get me down? aibu

27 replies

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 12:40

waited along to time for us to get married ,we have kids and hoping to get on the property ladder,but im really getting depressed as we never have any money.

Im wandering whats the point,as the money could be best spent elsewhere house etc,we are not talking thousands ,as I dont see the point ,but I wanted a late wedding into eve and to cut costs but it still seems to be increasing more and more,and I dont know what else to do?.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 04/09/2011 12:42

Seriously if all you want to do is get married, get married in a Registry office with two people off the street as witnesses, wear clothes you already have, it is not how it is done it is what it means to both of you.

BoisJacques · 04/09/2011 12:43

How many people are you planning to invite, and, is it important to you to have all these people? I got married with 2 witnesses for £37.

Crosshair · 04/09/2011 12:43

Agree with fabby.

Gastonladybird · 04/09/2011 12:44

Can't you ask people to bring stuff and yoi provide venue/ some drink .If you want to getmarried it need not be big affair. But if that's what you want and to get house etc then really have to see what you want most and prioritise.

worraliberty · 04/09/2011 12:44

We had a tiny registry office wedding with immediate family only (12 of us altogether)....then went for a carvery.

PILs looked after the kids while we stayed in the honeymoon suite at a hotel in town (bliss!)

I think all in all (excluding the hotel as that was a gift) the wedding came to about £300 if that.

It was a beautiful day and one we'll never forget...mainly because it was so totally stress free

Gastonladybird · 04/09/2011 12:45

Fabby right- most expensive wedding I went to , marriage over in 6 months.

michglas · 04/09/2011 12:45

We had a registry office wedding with my best friend and fiance as witnesses and DD1 as bridesmaid. Including clothes and celebration meal after we spent no more than £400 on it, and it was just such a lovely and meaningful day.

Iggly · 04/09/2011 12:46

Well as has already been said, use a registry office. Hire out a room at a nice local pub.

Forget bridesmaids, best men, fancy dresses, favours, three course sit down meals, flowers etc. Chuck away any wedding magazines as they just make you want to spend!

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/09/2011 12:47

I'd nip to the registry office, will cost less than £50 and spend the money on the house. Getting married is about making the commitment, its doesnt have to be a spend fest.

Meglet · 04/09/2011 12:47

Just keep it small. Don't spend £££ on a wedding when you will really need that money one day, especially if you want to save for a house.

Mitmoo · 04/09/2011 12:48

I did the whole meringue thing but if I was to do it again I might stick up a marquee in the back garden and get the party started. It's not the expensive stuff that people actually really enjoy ie. the dress, the venue, the food, it's the party that's remembered for a lot longer.

There are even venues now who will let you do your own catering give you the room free so they get a room full of drinkers in for the afternoon/evening.

Talker2010 · 04/09/2011 12:48

Same as everyone else ... you are being unreasonable because there are perfectly good low cost alternatives

Dorje · 04/09/2011 12:52

We had a registry office wedding with two close friends - it was great!

Then we had a family party in the garden later in the summer, for 120 guests. We got it catered and it cost 470 quid. fabulous.

YANBU being stressed out if you have a full-on 'commercial' wedding to save for - use your imagination and have a little party that you will enjoy much more, and use the money you are saving where you think it will benefit you all.

Original poster

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 12:56

We have been together so long, everyone treats us like we are married,I just now want us to say I do and not drag it out so I get more and more stressed.

Dp wants a eve do but I dont really ,thats not important to me it just seems such a lot of money for that only, I only want family and a few friends there the rest I could take or leave.

Then the idea would be to go somewhere nice with the kids and relax.

OP posts:

Original poster

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 13:01

As I know once we have a house we will not be able to do as much as we like.

Thanks for the feedback, I did think about the registrey office and then have a little think about what to do next?.

OP posts:

BoisJacques · 04/09/2011 13:05

Have your do at your house.

Original poster

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 13:07

I did think of that Boisjacques and that would be a good idea as we could get married at registrey office and go back to ours after,im going to suggest to dp thanks very much.

OP posts:

supadupapupascupa · 04/09/2011 13:10

i went to a wedding where they hired a bunk barn for the night (about £10 per person staying over) which had an outside area. We all brought food and beer and had a massive BBQ which everyone contributed to. They went to a registry office by themselves and then had a massive party.

We all chipped in if we stayed over and the guests ended up sending less than they would have at a 'venue' because of outfits, gifts (that was the food) hotels etc.

It was lovely organising the party decorations and food with everyone else and meant we all got to know each other.

BoisJacques · 04/09/2011 13:12

Think of the money you will save, and you only have to answer to yourselves. Bulk buy some food/wine etc, and ask people to bring a plate/bottle. A cheap (v. cheap) reception, even in a pub back room I can imagine costing 2-3k? I recon you could buy all the food and drink for max £500, decorations can be cheap - not like hiring chair covers at £5 each and what not! Cost you less to redecorate your house than hire some of these places - at least you would have a re-done house at the end and not be kicked out at 1am! Think of 'Father of the Bride' - the not too posh bits! THey cleared out alot of the furniture if I remember - lots of fresh flowers etc and it will be perfect :)

Original poster

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 13:20

Thats a brill idea BoisJacques ,I could hire a bouncy castle for the kids,lay on a buffett or do a bbq,buy in alcohol and decorate garden with candles,indoors with flowers etc.

It makes perfect sense and I dont know why I did not think of it,and cheaper to,thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 13:23

We could do it after we move in,and before his big birthday ,and then go on our honeymoon and I have it all covered ,and cheaply im so chuffed.

OP posts:

LRDTheFeministDragon · 04/09/2011 13:26

What a lovely thread.

You can get absolutely masses of flowers - florist quantities - if you order in bulk online. It was about 60 quid minimum spend when I did it, which is in no way cheap if you're not fussed about flowers, but if you do want the equivalent of the entire contents of a florist's shop, it is obviously very good value.

Garden full of candles and barbecue sounds amazing - everyone will love it.

Congratulations!

Original poster

hitandmiss · 04/09/2011 13:33

Thank you Lrd.Im actually really excited now,we have about a year to save because thats going to be the best time to buy a house so Im told?.

Thats great advice about the florists I will look into that nearer the time.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 04/09/2011 13:33

We had a sit down buffet at the church (no hire costs just a donation) for about 50 people and it was £500ish. The whole thing - clothes, flowers, food, invites, rings etc etc was £1k.

I honestly honestly would be far more thrilled to be asked to bring a plate of food and a bottle of soemthing instead of a gift and have that sort of do. It's is so much about sharing the occasion with the couple rather than the whole formal reception. Go for it!

chickydoo · 04/09/2011 13:38

I got 100 tea light holders from Ikea in bulk cost 30p each. in red. ordered some fab red flowers (can't remember what they were called ) online and were perfect and cheap. vases from ikea, trendy tall things 2.99 got 10 of them.
My friend had 2 homebase marquees which was perfect when put together in garden.
Massive BBQ. Decorated with fairy lights. had to hire chairs and tables, but did it very cheaply. covered tables with white fabric and put my ikea vases on them. My cousin sings, so he came with guitar, amps and an array of musical friends. Simple food, lots of wine (was a gift from my family) Lots of fun had by all!!
Don't follow the heard in spending a fortune, be individual....much more fun....

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