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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my brother needs to grow up and back off

22 replies

mummyzoe2012 · 02/09/2011 15:08

my mum won the lotto and gave each of us 6k. she still has my money aas ive asked her to keep it for my wedding and she said thats fine. she gave my bro his and he waisted it all on clothes and other rubbish. he has since then decided that he is going to set a date for his wedding and wants 6k for their wedding. my mum has said no so he has told her that she is not ivited to the wedding. since winning the lotto my mum has had blood clots on her lungs and when ever my bro rings her she gets her slef in such a state and makes herself ill.

He turn round and said that his dp's dad shairs his money equally between both of his childern as my mum has.

Would i be unreasonable to say if my mum is not invited to the wedding then im not going, and to speak to him about the way that he is treating my mum.

OP posts:

Xiaoxiong · 02/09/2011 15:11

But...your mum is sharing her money equally between her children Does he think you're getting 2 lots of 6k and he only got one?

ViviPru · 02/09/2011 15:12

One of the biggest regrets (actually my only ever regret) is that I never took my brother to task when he mistreated my Mum. I thought that remaining neutral and hoping they'd resolve it between themselves would be the best course of action. I now realise I should have told him how unspeakably out of order he was being. It might not have made any difference, but at least I'd have done my best. Brothers. Tsk.

Original poster

mummyzoe2012 · 02/09/2011 15:15

he knows im only getting one lot but i never even asked for it where he demanded money off her. he has forgotton about all the money my mum gave him when he was at uni which again i never got any off and he is on a 40k a year job too.

OP posts:

fanjobanjowanjo · 02/09/2011 15:47

Tell your brother he is an unreasonable sod for the way he is behaving - don't let him get away with it.

pinkytheshrinky · 02/09/2011 15:51

You should certainly intervene here as there is nothing to gain by staying out of the argument and it sounds as if your poor old Mum needs a bit of back up. There have been similar things happen in my DH's family with a lot of family money going missing and in the direction of only one child - it has caused a very deep rift.

BlueFergie · 02/09/2011 16:09

Your brother has told your mum that if she doesn't give him 6k she can't come to the wedding. What a fucker. This is extortion plain and simple. I would savage one of my sisters if they behaved like that towards my Mum.

I don't even undersand his point, your mum has divided the money equally, you got 6k each.

kenobi · 02/09/2011 16:16

You absolutely need to have it out with him and show her solidarity.

For me, the questions would be: 'Why do you think you should get more than me? Mum gave us both £6k and you've had yours.'
'Your DP's dad shares money out equally, why do you think mum should do it differently?'
And also 'it looks to everyone else as if money is more important to you than mum's health. Is it?' (that should embarrass him into making him think about how his behaviour is perceived outside the family).

Bluefucker has it right - it is extortion.

kenobi · 02/09/2011 16:16

Sorry bluefergie - my god, how embarrassing

ViviPru · 02/09/2011 16:18

Agree with all the others - but he sounds extremely unreasonable so the best you can hope for is to know that you did the right thing by taking him to task. I suspect he is not going to alter his attitude (utterly projecting my own situation - I admit)

ViviPru · 02/09/2011 16:20

I only ever use the hugely revolting LoL on very rare & deserving occasions - but kenobi OMG LOL!!!!!!!!

empirestateofmind · 02/09/2011 16:22

ha ha ha kenobi

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 02/09/2011 16:25

You need to say something. I'd tell him I wouldn't go to his wedding and tell other family members why.

BlueFergie · 02/09/2011 16:27

Kenobi
Brilliant - thats made me laugh.

MinimallyNarkyPuffin · 02/09/2011 16:35

I wouldn't go to the wedding. And I would tell the rest of the family what he's doing. And her family. And I'd investigate how much of your £6K it would take to get a light aircraft to fly over his wedding venue trailing a banner saying, 'THE GROOM'S A MERCENARY COCK.'

BobbaFettBountyHunter · 02/09/2011 16:37

My nan won the lotto and was quite frail,one member of family was trying to get her to write out blank cheques. It was awful,money really does bring out the scroungers. Even now she's dead everyone is squabbling about their inheritance.

ShoutyHamster · 02/09/2011 16:42

Stick up for your mum.

Money really does bring out the worst, doesn't it??

SouthernFriedTofu · 02/09/2011 17:04

I wouldn't want to go. What a sleaze ball sounds like he is only getting married to get "his" 6k.

I think it is lovely your mom has shared out money between the two of you but she certainly has no obligation to! And certainly not to do it twice! How much does your mum make a year sounds like he has a good enough job with out her help? I bet she makes less than that

kenobi · 02/09/2011 17:13

Thing is, your mum can't stick up for herself and go around telling the family why she won't be there, but YOU can. I really think you can embarrass him into backing down.

Sharney · 02/09/2011 17:21

Does the future bride know the gem she's getting? They do say how a man treats his mum is how he'll treat his wife. Sounds like the girl is in for a bumpy ride. Stick up for you mum op. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Original poster

mummyzoe2012 · 02/09/2011 17:38

thanks all, my mum earns just over 200 pund a month and my dad 1300 a month, im going to have a word with him as ive had enough of it just wanted a bit of advice of if i should keep out of it or speak to him. thanks again!

OP posts:

SouthernFriedTofu · 02/09/2011 17:53

200 pound amonth! Blimey she's rolling in it. db needs a slap not a talking to in that case I think

kenobi · 05/09/2011 13:17

did you have ay luck shaking some sense into your brother, mummyzoe?

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