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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting really irritated with child next door and lack of boundaries?

21 replies

BimboNo5 · 02/09/2011 12:39

He is a nice enough kid, but when he comes into our house to play he will just wander off upstairs, we have had money go missing twice. Today I told my daughter to play outside, stop keep coming in, and three times he has been in the house, the last time he came round the back gate which im now going to have to BOLT (which is a shame as family come in this way). Also if the kids bikes are on the drive he will just help himself and play on whatever he wants. I just seem to be getting irrationally irritated whenever he is around now and im aware its not good. The bikes etc will all be coming in now but why should this have to be the way? Grrr!!

OP posts:

SnapesMistress · 02/09/2011 12:40

YANBU, have you tried speaking to his parents?

redexpat · 02/09/2011 12:41

YANBU. That all sounds irritating.

IndigoBell · 02/09/2011 12:42

Have you told him he's not allowed upstairs, not allowed to play with your kids bikes, etc?

worraliberty · 02/09/2011 12:43

How old is he?

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 02/09/2011 12:44

Yes he has been told, he just seems to do what he wants. I havent spoken to his parents as of yet but im going to have to guess which is a shame as they seem very nice (if a little clueless)

OP posts:

badgerbrisket · 02/09/2011 12:45

YANBU I would not want my child to be influenced by such a child I think next time just tell him that he is not welcome to come and play.
If this is too awkward I would have no problem at all in getting very strict and even shouting at him, if his own parents can't be bothered to bring their child up properly then you will have to step in, all the hard work you put in to bringing up your DD is being ruined by the fact that she will eventually begin to copy this behaviour as the behaviour of others leaves an imprint within young children, don't allow it.

IndigoBell · 02/09/2011 12:49

If he's playing at yours, and his parents aren't round, then it's up to you to set the boundaries etc, not his parents.

So I think it's a little unfair to blame the parents.

You need to be very clear with him what he is and isn't allowed to do. And if you catch him doing something you're unhappy with you need to tell him so very clearly.

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 02/09/2011 12:52

But a lot of the time he's just 'playing out' and comes through the back gate, goes on the kids bikes etc. Its not my job to parent him when he's playing out!

OP posts:

Marne · 02/09/2011 12:54

YANBU, i think its very rude of him to come into your house, help himself to what he wants and go upstairs without asking, i would be very clear with him and say 'no one is to go upstairs without asking' and tell him 'its rude to take other peoples things without asking', i would also have a word with him mother.

And i do think its the parents fault, my kids are taught to ask before they touch things and to do as they are told in other peoples houses.

porcamiseria · 02/09/2011 12:54

how old is he?

just tell him

you are not allowed upstairs

worraliberty · 02/09/2011 12:56

How old is he?

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 02/09/2011 12:58

He is 7. Ive just found him in the hallway. Ive told him to stop keep coming in the house and messing with the kids things on the drive. Its driving me spare now.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 02/09/2011 13:00

Then he is more than old enough to do as you tell him

If it carries on now you've told him...have a word with his parents.

Just tell them as much as you like him, you really would rather know who is in your house and when...and who is borrowing your child's things.

MrsRhettButler · 02/09/2011 13:00

Have you told him off? One little girl doesn't listen to a word I say round here so last week I very sternly told her off! She went crying to her mum who then came over and I explained that yes I had told her off and I then told her why.

I haven't seen the girl on my doorstep since then so I see it as a good result

woowoo2 · 02/09/2011 13:02

YANBU, the little girl next door drives me mental for similar reasons

Marne · 02/09/2011 13:05

We had a child at our old house (thank god we moved), her mother thought she was the best behaved child and she had done a great job teaching her wrong from right but as soon as she got to my house she changed , she would just say to my dd1 'come on dd, lets go upstairs' and i often caught her whispering to dd1 'i'm hungry, why dont you ask your mum for some food and then i can eat it?' she was horrid to dd1 and often made her cry making out it was my dd1's fault, one day i stood up to her and of course she went crying to her mummy who instently blamed my dd1 as she has Aspergers (so it must have been her in the wrong). Dd1 has been so much happier now we have moved, luckily there are no small children on our road here .

sausagesandmarmelade · 02/09/2011 13:09

You talk of lack of boundaries....but is he getting mixed messages?

What boundaries are you setting?
What messages are you giving him?
How are you disciplining his behaviour?
Why are you tolerating all this nonsense?

switchtvoffdosomelessboring · 02/09/2011 13:44

Surely a loud 'oi, you do not come into the house without being invited? do I make myself clear' would work?

Rowgtfc72 · 02/09/2011 19:46

We have one of these next door too. Child is nearly seven and prompts dd to ask for food and tells us dd, who is four, has 'given' her her toys to keep. I find her upstairs and in the hallway. A few other neighbours have found her looking in their cupboards and fridges. Her parents are lovely and would be upset I think if they knew how she behaved. We try to limit the time she plays with dd and are often 'out' .Im never too sure how to handle situations like this but have told her off once or twice and she has looked surprised. I realise, from experience now, you just have to be straight with them and tell them how it is.

NellieForbush · 02/09/2011 19:53

YANBU.

How about "If I find you upstairs again I will not allow you to come round at all - do you understand?"

Optional follow up with parents so they are up to date on situation.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/09/2011 20:12

As difficult as it is, I would speak to the parents of these children. There are several posts here saying how nice the parents are and I think they would be upset to realise that their child doesn't behave properly outside the home.

At least if they know, warts and all what's happening, they can address it. Better that than letting it get to the stage where their child has nobody to play with anymore because the other childrens' parents are so sick of its behaviour.

If the parents really are nice, worth a try I would say. If that doesn't work then obviously you've tried and will have to keep the child at whatever distance you're happy with.

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